If I could have everyone in the world read one book, it would be 101 Essays that will Change the Way You Think by Brianna Wiest. This book taught me about being emotionally intelligent and to look at myself. I was a big overthinker, and in this book, I found I needed to define what living in the moment means for me and to know my beliefs. In high school, I had a confidence problem and was incredibly insecure, and finding out who I was would help with my confidence. I realized I needed to find out who I was and love that version of myself. It also made me see that healing is seeing the world through a colorful lens again, seeing the beauty, not the badness. It also showed me that I need not wait to be motivated in order to be my best self. Also, as a college freshman, this book helped me see the importance of a routine. My routine included the gym, work, self-care, and reading. It stressed the idea that habit creates mood. This book focused on communicating instead of talking for responses from others, also listening to others not listening to respond. This book also talked about how relationships with other people show your relationship with yourself; the stuff you love about other people is an extension of what you love about yourself and vice versa. This book also talked about the happiness baseline and how people aren't aware their baselines can change otherwise, be happier.

My ultimate higher education goal is to obtain my Ph.D. and become a clinical therapist. A well-rounded undergraduate study of human behavior will prepare me for a career in the mental health field and treating mental illnesses. I want to help those lost within themselves, those with low self-confidence, and those fighting societal beauty expectations. I also aim to start my practice that centers on both teenage and adult therapy, where it's not only talking therapy, but the building includes a gym, nutritionists, and other proven mood boosters. I am a pre-psychology major, which aligns with my interest in mental health. Coming into college, I wanted to learn something new every day to expand my knowledge and better my understanding of topics. I wanted to grow upon my ideas and find new ways of thinking about different aspects of life. I wanted to have fun in the midst of striving to learn and be on top of my classes and studies. I wanted to meet professors who make me love what I learn, and therefore, I'm excited to come to class. I wanted to further apply what I have learned from specific subjects and connect that information to life experiences and other areas. I realized it's hard to focus on these goals when trying to figure out how to pay for the costs of tuition and housing. I am applying for this scholarship because I want college to shape me into a more determined, educated version of myself with newly developed passions and goals. This scholarship can help me focus more on these goals. I am also a work-study student, so this scholarship can help with work hours so I can spend more time on my studies. Last school year, I worked as a tutor off campus, where I would study for my exams on bus rides. I want adequate time to study. At my school, in order to be a psychology major, you must complete prerequisites with certain grades. This scholarship would allow me to focus more on school and my grades so I can get into the psychology program major. As a black woman, I attended a predominantly white middle school and wanted to blend in. I did not feel in touch with my identity whatsoever and was often even ashamed of it. Becoming in tune with my identity led me to discover my passion for quality mental health care. I want to pursue a career in the mental health field and treat mental illnesses as a therapist.

The summer before ninth grade, I took a trip into the wilderness with my grade for a bonding experience. I was new to the school and separated from my only close friend. Throughout the trip, although surrounded by numerous people I felt alone. I was unable to go home, had no phone access, and did not want to put on a fake smile. This experience caused me to empathize with others who have this feeling of internal isolation. I experienced these emotions for just five days, while many others are experiencing them regularly. They might need someone to listen to what they have to say but don’t know where to turn or have access to the mental health services that could help. My wish to provide everyone with empathy and quality care led to my interest in psychology. I plan to pursue a BA in psychology as an undergraduate. A well-rounded study of human behavior will prepare me for a career in the mental health field and treating mental illnesses as a psychologist. My ultimate goal is to help those lost within themselves, those with low self-confidence, and those fighting societal beauty expectations.

Confidence. An element of your being that can alter your whole mood, your view of yourself, and your view of life, but somehow it's just a fraction of someone's personality. Somehow it is categorized as an element of someone's being, not a game-changer. My confidence was minuscule to non-existent. This word was not within me, but somehow it controlled me. I guess you can say I was “white washed,” or at least I tried to be. I wanted my hair not to puff when it got wet. I wanted my skin to tan, not darken, and I wanted my facial features to fit those of my Anglo-Saxon-faced friends. I grew into the habit of taking selfies. I wanted to capture myself when I felt confident and when I didn’t. Always finding flaws within myself through every picture made me want to change my appearance. I now realize I look the same in these photos. No essential element made me prettier. It was my perspective. The goal of prettiness I was trying to acquire was unreachable because my goal was constantly shifting into something I was not. My junior year, I purchased a disposable camera. I wanted to capture moments differently. Unlike my iPhone, with a disposable camera, I had to wait until the film roll was complete to review the pictures. This allowed time to not nitpick every flaw I saw within myself. The pressure to feel beautiful at every moment: gone. Looking back at those pictures, I didn’t see the insecure girl I saw in the mirror, but I saw a girl who was happy, fun, and pretty. I now want to be confident for myself. Not so I can fit in with people around me, but so I can look in the mirror and smile.