On Tuesday, March 2nd, 2021, my older cousin Joevon Ricky Glaspie died. He was shot and killed near South Market & East Nutwood streets in Inglewood, at the young age of 19. On March 2nd, I was 15 turning 16 on the 16th of March, struggling heavily with depression. Joevon played Barbies with me when no one wanted to. He showed me magic tricks when the adults had disappeared to their jobs. He kept count while my friend Jenny and I held our breath in buckets of water. After his passing, I began to think of all the things he would no longer be able to do. I am currently eighteen and I could only imagine how he felt. While he lay on the ground imaging the many things he would miss out on. I remember attending his baseball games when we were younger, later being replaced with football. He was a star, the brightest one, with greatness ahead of him. As I approach college, I approach it with a certain determination. There are some things we have to do because others genuinely cannot. On days when I want to quit, I remind myself of my older cousin who will never get to graduate from college, who will never get to play one more game, who will never hug his mom, who will never get a minute to stare at the stars and look for the brightest one. Joevon has become my extra motivation and I am determined to make him and my family proud.

From preschool to my junior year of high school, I was a huge procrastinator, and when you are always waiting until the last minute to do things, you have to get creative. I have taken photography, dance, acting, and filmmaking classes. Expression comes in many forms, and these forms of visual arts have always allowed me to find comfort in difficult situations. Photography, dancing, and acting have led me to my passion, filmmaking, and I will forever be grateful for those opportunities. Filmmaking has allowed me to exercise my emotions, and I intend to help do the same for others. Everyone has experiences that are both challenging and trouble-free. My goal as a filmmaker and human being has always been to help people find comfort. We go through so much very fast, grow, and sometimes stunted from expressing those feelings. I want to take the experiences of myself, my friends, and my family and bring them to the screen. To know that you aren’t the only one battling something can be very powerful. One of my favorite films, besides Coraline, is Waves. Waves explores things the black community tends to avoid discussing, and I love it. Waves discusses abuse in relationships, both physical and verbal, and heavy drug use. The main male character’s life ended in a moment based on bad decisions. I have watched many of my friends go from promising athletes to gangbangers, later living their life in prison. The feelings that family and friends experience after watching the downfall of their relative or friend are also rarely discussed. It's a painful process and Waves presents the process of healing. While the topic of the film is gut-wrenching, the beautiful shots captured by Drew Daniels add a calmness to the storm. I find comfort, inspiration, and motivation in this film. As a cinematographer, I hope to do the same for others. While movies can be cathartic, they can also help to induce shock, clarity, and knowledge. We can learn about our history in a way that is easy to understand. There is so much beauty to be shown through a camera lens. I see through the lens of a creative, young black girl with a strong black mother and influential role models. I aspire to be a cinematographer, and after being behind the camera lens for so long, I believe this will help me flourish in that department. I am excited to make psychological thrillers, horror films, and coming-of-age films. When I create movies, I work a lot with the eyes of my actors. They hold so much information, and as I grow into my style of filmmaking, I cannot wait to explore them.

My greatest achievement to date is being on track to graduate high school with all A’s my senior and junior year. Both sides of my family have a very long history of mental health issues. My mother suffers from anxiety and my father with bipolar depression. Unfortunately, This apple didn’t fall too far from the tree. From my 8th grade school year up until my 10th grade year, I struggled heavily with depression. I had become estranged from most of my friends, gave up my hobbies, failed classes, stopped eating, and spent most days staring at the ceiling wondering if and when the ache in my heart would numb. If it didn't, I imagined that I would take my own life. I never spoke about these feelings, not to my mother, not to the few friends I had left. While this may sound cliche, I found myself hoping for more on a tour with my school. We were on the University Of Southern California’s campus. I drifted off from the group seeing as I put in no effort to make friends. I didn’t think I would live long enough to enjoy time with them. I walked around the campus, and I saw so many people from so many different backgrounds. I saw people that looked like me. I wondered what their life was like. What was their experience? Was it similar to mine?I know everyone has their struggle and trauma. These people were prioritizing themselves over struggle. I began to imagine myself as a college student far removed from my depression. I was surrounded by so many motivated, passionate people. On the bus ride home, I realized that becoming that passionate, motivated person again was possible. I vowed to myself that I would try. I vowed to myself from then on, I would succeed. I didn’t think I would make it to sixteen so being eighteen years old, graduating high school, and moving to chicago illinois for a bachelor's degree at depaul university is such an odd feeling. A thirteen year old me found getting out of bed nearly impossible. For her, graduating high school must have been unfathomable. I hope in my future I am able to encourage others. With my film degree I aim to express the feelings many people have but are too afraid to say aloud. It's difficult to see a way out, but it is possible and I hope to convey this.

My greatest achievement to date is being on track to graduate high school with all A’s in my senior and junior years. Both sides of my family have a very long history of mental health issues. My mother suffers from anxiety and my father with bipolar depression. Unfortunately, This apple didn’t fall too far from the tree. From my 8th grade school year up until my 10th grade year, I struggled heavily with depression. I had become estranged from most of my friends, gave up my hobbies, failed classes, stopped eating, and spent most days staring at the ceiling wondering if and when the ache in my heart would numb. If it didn't, I imagined that I would take my own life. I never spoke about these feelings, not to my mother, not to the few friends I had left. While this may sound cliche, I found myself hoping for more on a tour with my school. We were on the University Of Southern California’s campus. I drifted off from the group seeing as I put in no effort to make friends. I didn’t think I would live long enough to enjoy time with them.  I walked around the campus, and I saw so many people from so many different backgrounds. I saw people that looked like me. I wondered what their life was like. What was their experience? Was it similar to mine? I know everyone has their struggle and trauma. These people were prioritizing themselves over struggle. I began to imagine myself as a college student far removed from my depression. I was surrounded by so many motivated, passionate people. On the bus ride home, I realized that becoming that passionate, motivated person again was possible. I vowed to myself that I would try. I vowed to myself from then on, I would succeed.  I didn’t think I would make it to sixteen so being eighteen years old, graduating high school, and moving to Chicago Illinois for a bachelor's degree at DePaul University is such an odd feeling. A thirteen-year-old me found getting out of bed nearly impossible. For her,  graduating high school must have been unfathomable. I hope in the future I can encourage others.  With my film degree, I aim to express the feelings many people have but are too afraid to say aloud. It's difficult to see a way out, but it is possible and I hope to convey this.

I enjoy poetry and psychology, so I wanted to add this aspect to the film. Constant pressure can turn into obsession, which can then be turned into violence. This older brother is often told to watch and take care of his siblings and because that has been drilled into his mind constantly, the pressure turned him to violence. With both brothers looking into the camera I wanted to portray two different things. The younger brother holds such innocence because he hasn’t yet experienced the real world but his look to the camera can signify that he is aware of the betrayal and knows he is about to die. The older brother's look to the camera is up to interpretation, is he looking into the camera because he doesn’t want to do this or is he looking into the camera because he believes this was his fate? His last look to the camera shows a difference in emotion, there is no room to find regret in his eyes and with the mask, his eyes are the only place you can look. While the sister looks into the eyes of her brother, she can see that the eyes that once held love and admiration, now signify the eyes of her soon-to-be murderer. She knelt down to accept the light and peace during the night before knowing that she would soon feel the same things in the afterlife.

My Mother, Nikki and my Aunt, Brianna, created and ran a non profit, volunteer based foundation called “The JayLani Foundation ''. This foundation was built with the purpose of helping single mothers prepare their kids and teens for the first day of school. My mother and aunt are both single mothers who are hair stylists with many barber and stylists friends, which is where the inspiration came from. Hair stylists, estheticians, manicurists, barbers, and food venders volunteered to help get everyone prepared. The event was made possible solely on donations given by the community. People were asked to donate any school supplies; backpacks, shoes, clothes, goodie bags, snacks, or food if they felt moved. These donations were later given to the children in attendance. To be able to attend initially, mothers sent in their stories and where they needed help. The process later expanded to a post and whoever needed it could attend, not everyone is comfortable sharing their story and we acknowledged that. My role was an assistant. I would check people in, confirming what they wanted done and then I would bring their lists of requests to the volunteers. I would later give them a mini photo shoot, helping them be confident in the mini makeover. My mother and the women who reached out shared their stories and it helped me realize how much mothers go through. It made me think of all the people I pass in the mornings on the way to school, the people I pass in the grocery stores, and many more. Everyone has a story. There are stories that need to be told and that have inspired my career path. When I choose my college, I will be aiming for a BA in Film and TV production. With this major I will be able to tell real authentic stories, even if it isn’t the whole story line. Giving back within my community has opened my eyes to just how much goes on in the world. When you are busy with a set path you may forget just how many people are in the world. I know there are millions of people that have similar experiences to me. I know I can find something that relates to them and myself. I find comfort in seeing the things I have experienced shared artistically through film and I cannot wait to do the same for others.

I truly enjoy capturing emotions and stories. When I see people on the street I remember that these are regular people with lives, not just someone driving in the car next to me. When I get to red lights, I will look over at the person next to me and craft a story based on what I see.