It was not until recently that I realized that I am, in fact, a "real" person. I am a person who not only feels intense emotions and has opinions, but I am ALLOWED to feel that way, and my feelings, opinions, aspirations, dreams, and whatever else I might have or feel, are valid. I believe my mental health is crucial because the state of my beings defines and impacts who I am as a person. It defines how I interact within my society, and all connections I may hold. Throughout the first seventeen years of my life, I built and adjusted myself to be who others wanted me to be. I have repressed my emotions, sexuality, and other aspects of my identity to appeal to those close to me. For years, because of the harsh words of a few family members, I convinced myself that I was one hundred percent heterosexual. Should I have any interest in someone who identified with my same gender or was non-conforming, it was purely platonic. My brief obsession with my non-binary best friend? A moment of extremely strong friendship I suppose. There was a refusal to wear any clothes they hadn't previously shown approval or an inclination to keep quiet because I might mention something they didn't agree with. I never got into explicit trouble, but the fear of disappointment among many other things ruled my life. Now, the way I maintain my mental health is by being my true, authentic self. One of my favorite quotes, "The true definition of mental illness is when the majority of your time is spent in the past or future, but rarely living in the realism of NOW,” by Shannon L Alder, is why I have started to prioritize living in the now. I am going through an extended stage of personal discovery, trying things I always wanted to, wearing clothes I spent my life avoiding due to multiple stupid reasons, and doing things like finally admitting to myself that I find ALL people attractive, as a pansexual. These actions are all for the benefit of my own mental health, which I all but ignored for the purpose of being other's picture-perfect version of me until recently.

You Have to Smile The everyday experiences of a female, for those that don’t understand It’s being expected to accept the treatment you’re given Clutching your keys between your fingers Wearing your hair down on a busy day A ponytail is easier to pull Riding the bus Clutching your bag Trying to hide behind a false sense of security But you are a girl, so you smile You remember the first time you were called out You were eleven A preteen Sitting on the bench at 8’oclock in the mornin' Scantily dressed in a sweatshirt three times your size The iced coffee you held between your hands was warmer than the shivers being sent down your spine He smelled like cancer sticks and dying spirits Scruffy faced and trembling hands, his smirk was a baseball bat Swinging straight for your anxiety His words a phrase that would linger in your head forever But you are a girl, so you smile Your gender is a sidewalk for creeps to spit on To ruin with their comments To trample over for their own enjoyment But you smile, and say thank you You smile and say thank you Zip up your jacket much like the way you zip up your mouth And deal with the harassment Because you are more petrified of having your life ended than the unwanted attention of someone you don’t know You are a girl, so you have to smile

I don’t know his name, it was never one of the important parts of our conversations. I passed him nearly every Monday, Tuesday, and Friday during my walk to the bus station. During these times, I never failed to give him a dollar, and he never failed to tell me to keep safe. He was a sweet old man, visibly homeless, but he carried around his well-worn art supplies and disinfectant wipes at all times, which he used to clean the spaces he sat in and the things he used. This wasn’t because he was necessarily dirty, but because the pandemic was near its height and he chose to spend his money in ways that would protect others instead of on extra food. Since I was young I had been taught that you should lend your extra to those that never have enough, and I have lived by this philosophy for as long as I can remember. Losing a singular dollar holds little to no importance to me, but to someone else, that extra dollar could be just enough for a decent dinner. This man has only motivated me to help everyone more. These people have been let down by our economy and Government, and while I can’t drastically change their lives in my current financial state, I can do my best to make their days better with what I have. Talking to the homeless as if they’re actual people and not just victims of life, treating them to a few “extra” snacks you just so happened to have in your lunch, participating in food and clothing drives, or even just talking to them for a little while. Letting people that are generally ignored have a meaningful conversation with you or even meaningless rambles, still lets them get their opinions into the real world, it allows them to feel important, less insignificant in the stance of a person without any money. Last year, someone cried out and asked for a hug when I handed them an extra bag of chips. Not even two weeks ago, another man was drawn near tears because I offered a few bucks to help him pay for a bus ticket. My community is full of people that crave and need help without a way to give it, and while my contributions are small, I’m confident they are significant. Eventually, through my career and (hopefully) impending success, I intend to help in more substantial ways. It’s a dream of mine to start a non-profit for the homeless people in my community, or at the very least advocate against botanical sexism and hostile architecture, because while I can’t give everyone shelter, I can do my best to make the city comfortable and prosperous.

The most helpful financial advice I have ever received, and it may be a bit controversial, is to carry and use cash! My Aunt told me a long time ago that I should always save up my fives, and that ideology blossomed into just using the money I have on hand rather than cards whenever I can. When carrying a specific amount of physical money, you limit yourself to that spending budget; you can't pay more than $30 for something if you only have $30 on you. The problem with cards is that they aren't a visible reminder of how much money you have to work with. You can set a budget to be mindful of, but there is no guarantee that you don't spend far more "because you have it." I have used this piece of advice nearly every single day since being told to implement it. I implement in a multitude of ways, like paying for food, entertainment, or basic needs. Not only do I almost always have left over cash that I can apply to other budgets, but I generally have extra ones and change that I can use to contribute to the greater good. I don't often use the one dollar bills I get for change back to pay for actual things, so instead I choose to donate it or give it to the homeless population in my area. The problem with this advice is that it is an aging process. As our world moves on to newer and better technology, paper money is slowly being left in the past. A lot of more urbanized places now require payments with cards, but they still offer cash tips! If you can't use paper money the conventional way, then at least carry it to support your community.