Andrew Watakila was the name plastered on the obituary I held while sitting on a fourteen-hour plane ride traveling over 12,547 kilometers back to my family's home country of Kenya. I knew he was in a box above my head in the cabinet where bags were supposed to go. That was a hard concept to grasp, and I'm still not sure I completely understand the concept of death.
My Uncle Andrew was a father figure in my life up until his death. He heavily influenced my love for sweets. When I was old enough to eat solid foods and could run around and talk, my uncle introduced me to candy. I wouldn't say I liked it along with anything else that was sweet, my mum assumed I'd be an easy kid when it came to sweets and buying treats since I wanted none of them, but slowly after years of exposure, I began to enjoy them because of him. Uncle Andrew and I would go to candy and ice cream shops when he picked me up from school. On Saturday afternoons, he took me to play golf and to get pizza from a local shop. He would perfect my swing on the golf course and teach me how to drive carts. He somehow always knew everyone, from the workers on the course to the employees of the pizza shop we went to. I always got free ice cream and somehow was integrated into a new family. Everyone at the pizza shop knew who I was, and walking in was always a feeling of comfort. In my eyes, he was the coolest of potential superheroes that Marvel could've produced a movie on.
As I got older, I saw less and less of my uncle, and my priorities shifted from calling, texting, and spending time with him, to hanging out with friends, doing schoolwork, and focusing on my image. We still hung out and had fun, but my priorities shifted.
I remember one day when he came over after months of not seeing him. My aunt and mum looked concerned. I heard him burst into tears crying in the next room over. Since my mum and aunt ushered him into the next room, it was probably nothing for me to hear due to my age, and I should keep watching whatever was on tv at the time. I did just that, and the thought of that warning sign slipped my mind. A year and a half later, I found out that my uncle had committed suicide while being subbed out of a volleyball game in the middle of a two-day tournament. We couldn't have an open-casket funeral; in fact, we weren't allowed to see the body. We had to cremate him in order to transport him to Kenya, which went against many of our cultural beliefs.
Prior to the death of my uncle, I was continuously sexually assaulted. I had already slipped into depression, and knowing the cause of my uncle's death was exactly what I was mentally going through made the journey ten times as troubling to me. I drowned myself in endless amounts of tv shows and movies. My grades began to slip, and I was heading down a slippery slope.
I had an epiphany about the whole ordeal during my sophomore year. My uncle and father figure in life taught me many lessons in death that I still hold close to. The pain you have only moves on to others in death. You don't want the pain, but also don't want your loved ones to have it. The best you can do is try fixing it. And I did, I reached out, talked to my mum, and got a therapist. I worked through as much as possible and learned new things about myself. My uncle's death caused me to focus on myself and my family. I wish I'd never pulled away from our relationship. I wish I never began to focus on minuscule things like popularity and trends. I also wished I'd listened to my own cries for help earlier and not let them affect my grades, social life, and overall health. I realized that focusing on myself isn't a selfish thing and it actually improves the lives of those around me. Your grades go up, your relationships with family and friends get better, and life overall becomes happier.
Now my relationships with friends and family are stronger than before. We laugh, cry, and hug together, and we always check up on one another. I realized how much pain my uncle was in and how we weren't there when he needed us most, and because of that understanding, I pushed myself every day to do better, be happier, and be less focused on trivial and materialistic things.