A train of yellow school buses, bumping up and down the road through the trees. The mass of children was spilling out of the bus, flooding the field where the Student Leaders were. The ratio of us to them would make a math teacher cry; “Oh god, what did I sign up for." Anxiety has always been present in my life, like lint on clothes. Despite it, I do Theater even though it sets off my anxiety, I did Robotics even though I had no experience, and I started a club even though I never advocated for a community before. I tried all these things with mixed success, but the core of who I am has always been art, no matter what, art is who I am. About two weeks prior, I saw a flier for Outdoor School, a one week long outdoor science education program, asking people to be a Student Leader and teach sixth graders. My memories of Outdoor School came rushing back; eating smores by a campfire, collecting beads, and my old Student Leaders who made that week memorable. My little wood cookie name tag, covered in miscellaneous sharpie colors and beads from my Student Leaders, still sits on my desk today, even as a senior. The mass of children flowed down the dirt path to the unlit campfire to get our cabins, a tornado of anxiety started in my head; “What if I get stuck with a bunch of rowdy kids?”, and “Why am I even here, I literally hate being around kids.” My entire memory bank from first grade is filled with other kids constantly screaming, jumping on tables, and the teacher’s raspy voice telling everyone "shut up." Even with all of my pretenses and anxiety, the kids I got were the opposite of my fears. There was one kid in my cabin who refused to participate in games and conversations. It was frustrating, but I didn’t want to force a kid to do something unwillingly. But by the end of the week, they were genuinely participating in all the activities instead of thinking it’s lame. I realized I thought that all kids were the same, when in reality it was a mixed bag. There were loud kids, funny kids, quiet kids, and sweet kids. It just hit me that they were all growing and changing, just like any other person at any stage of life, growth never stops. The last morning was gloomy but busy. As the kids were loading onto the bus, I was in the dining hall. That kid came back to give me a hug before leaving, “I’m gonna miss you,” were their last words before disappearing on the bus. All the student leaders and staff waved as the bus left camp. When I finally left camp, all the emotions threw a sucker punch in my face. I realized how attached I’ve grown to them. Even though I went for volunteer hours, I didn’t think I was going to feel so changed by this experience. For a majority of my life I’ve always been the art kid, and of course I will never stop making or appreciating art because it’s me, but I also want to experience new things. From trying new foods to trying new activities, even if it feels out of my character. I come back to some of these other activities, not only to grow but because I found out I truly enjoyed them. These activities will always hold a place in my heart one way or another, and there are many more I have yet to try.

When I think of what a purposeful, responsible, and productive community member is, I think of people that help others whether that’s directly or indirectly. From the very obvious like doctors, therapists, chefs, and customer service people to the more obscure like, architects, artists, and writers. Of course the responsibility of a doctor differs a lot from an artist, there’s no question about that, but in the end they all work with people in some way. To me, a responsible community member fulfills their service to others in whatever career path they have chosen to take and is personally willing to take accountability for mistakes. I think it’s shown through the little actions like picking up after yourself, admitting to your mistakes with a simple “sorry”, and even asking for help because you know that’s something you need. But of course, you have to take care of yourself first before taking care of others, that self responsibility comes before any service to others. The word productive varies so much depending on who you ask, some people may associate it with technological advancement, physical labor, or mental labor. I often hear people argue that art careers are useless or don’t have a purpose while they unknowingly consume art every day from the packaging design on their food, the movies they watch in theaters, and the music they listen to. Sure, maybe a community would be more productive if everyone chose a job that directly served the community and every single person was a workaholic, but why do we do art and why do we consume it? Honestly, I don’t think I have the first part of that question figured out for myself yet, I’m only a high school graduate going into college at the time of writing this. But as for the consumption of art, it’s to feel, it’s to share stories, it’s to send a message, it’s to express, it’s to dream, and I think it’s what makes us so human. All careers serve a purpose that in one way or another will help someone, feel comforted, healthier, or even inspired to help others. I think if I made a list of all the various pieces of art that have crushed soul and reignited it, they all wouldn’t be able to fit very concisely into an essay because despite all of them serving the same or similar purpose, each of them was a different experience and medium of art. The best way I can sum them all up is that they all changed my brain chemistry, affected my personal art, and have effectively inspired me to pursue a career in the arts. Specifically, I am pursuing a career in animation because I want my art to touch other souls the same way so many other pieces of art have touched mine, and I want that feeling injected into my stories and my art. Animation is a lot of work, so there's no doubt that I’ll be very productive for the next couple of years. As an artist, I will be responsible with what kind of message I share in my art with the world, and as a person I will continue to be responsible for my own well being before taking on the responsibility of helping others. I hope to be a purposeful, responsible, and productive community member in my chosen field by comforting, entertaining, or maybe even inspiring others with my art.

America has always been this land of opportunity, if you worked hard you could achieve your dreams. I think that’s the reason my parents immigrated here, it was for my future. When I was a tiny baby up until I was in middle school, both of my parents were busy working most of the time, so my grandparents stepped in to take care of me and my two other siblings. My Grandma was only able to complete second grade, and due to financial issues had to stop going to school and get a job to support herself. Not only did she raise four kids of her own, but at her old age also helped raise three more grandkids. I admire her resilience, but it saddens me that she wasn’t even able to finish school. I had a talk with my Mom about college not long ago when my senior year came around. She was busy in the kitchen preparing dinner. My parents finished high school, but they weren’t able to pursue higher education due to financial issues. My Mom especially, deeply regrets not going to college because now she’s stuck in all these low wage jobs and on top of that taking care of three kids. She’s always been supportive of my dreams and passions, but because of my family history, money and career choice is something that always weighed on my mind. I changed my mind so many times during these talks in the kitchen; “I’ll just do community college because it’s cheaper”, “maybe I’ll make a lot of money as an engineer”, “what if I go out of state”, and so on. But after all these years of seeing my Mom constantly working all of these dead-end jobs and coming home exhausted, I have decided to pursue a career in the arts because in the future I want to make money doing something I love. Even with the support I have around me, it feels so selfish and stupid to get into the arts with my family’s financial history, like I’m chasing this wild fantasy dream. This decision to attend an art college has taken several late night kitchen talks to reach because I constantly worry about the cost of it all. I’m grateful for all the sacrifices my Mom has taken to get me to where I am now, with a chance to go to college and pursue the arts. All of this is just to say I’m a first gen Chinese American, and my family has never had the opportunity to attend college because of the daunting price holding them back.

When I was a kid I loved video games, but I was never able to actually play many of them because I didn’t have the right computer or console to play them on, so I would spend a lot of time watching other people play video games instead. One random fourth grade day, a friend of mine mentions Pikachu to me and I go, “what’s Pikachu?” “It’s a Pokémon, you know, like the game?” And from that day on, my obsession for Pokémon began. That entire summer between fourth and fifth grade was just Pokémon. I was watching people play Pokémon, I was watching the anime of it, and I was drawing a LOT of Pokémon. It genuinely was just eat, sleep, and breathe Pokémon for a whole summer. By the end of it, I knew the entire Pokédex by heart. At those scholastic book fairs my elementary school hosted, I would always buy a Pokémon book. Sometimes it was an actual book that taught you how to draw a Pokémon, but most of the time it was essentially a game handbook that had all the Pokémons. It was the “Pokémon deluxe essential handbook” which contained all the information about over 700 Pokémons at the time. Even though I didn't own a single Pokémon game, I read those kinds of books cover to cover. Using those books I would copy the original image but then I’d change the pose, the angle, the background, and then make a new drawing. At the time, I didn’t even realize that what I was doing was using an art reference. It was helping me draw better and understand color and form, but I was just having fun with it. Pokémon was like a catalyst for my imagination and creativity to thrive. All the time I would make up my own Pokémon, my own game mechanic, and Pokémon food. One of the game mechanics I made up was an additional “queen” or “king” evolution that made the Pokémon stronger. It could give them a new attack move, or give them an extra type advantage. Even though I may not be as obsessed with Pokémon as I was when I was little, it still holds a nostalgic place in my heart. The things I want to pursue in the future have been influenced by the art of many video games I loved as a kid, not just Pokémon, video games have really helped me grow my creativity and artistic voice.