As someone who has Autism, depression, anxiety, and PTSD overcoming mental health challenges is a constant war. Prior to my diagnosis I was a lively optimistic person. Since the onset of my issues the world is cold and dark and I'm blind towards the good in anything. Depression has caused me to assume most people are bad and only believe they are good when I've seen good in them. Before depression my mindset was that people are good and sometimes they make mistakes but if they do the right thing they should be forgiven. I'm trying to get back to that mindset but MDD has made it a struggle of having to go and correct thoughts and analyze them for their falsities. This takes a toll on the already depression tired mind. All my mental health conditions have destroyed relationships mainly friendships in different ways. Autism makes it impossible to read social cues so people generally don't want to make friends with autistic people. With depression and anxiety from PTSD comes trust issues. Nobody wants a friend who doesn't fully trust them this has caused some of my less close friends to walk away because they don't think a friendship is worth being patient with a broken person. Nobody cares that you we're abused by a former best friend they see it as do what it's over now and I am not that person so get over it and trust me. As if it is that simple to trust a new person one the person you were closest to took advantage of you. During PTSD induced panic attacks I shiver violently, cry and makes it difficult to loudly and clearly respond to stimulus that feels distant anyways. This makes people think you are sick and they stay away. I am sick that is what PTSD is but it'd be nice if people could realize it is not contagious. Sometimes the world just fades away emotions take over and voices sound far away and fuzzy, aura plagues my vision, and I feel dizzy and nauseated. My conditions don't make achieving my dream any easier either. Nothing is more fascinating than the human body and I would love to be a doctor. To be a doctor motivation, drive, and hard work is essential. Exhaustion from depression and an overworked by anxiety system makes small assignments seem like climbing a mental mountain. This makes for no energy so no motivation or drive. These things cause a lack of focus and a lack of focus means a wandering mind. When my mind wanders I have flashbacks and with a flashback I'm lost. I'm in my mind but all people see is a violently shivering body and a crying person unable to respond because she feels as if she is 13 again being assaulted by the person who was suppose to be her best friend. In the midst of a mental health attack I am not a student, a friend, or a bubbly soul. I am a lost mess this is what it is like to have poor mental health but somehow I get my work done, I text back, and I smile as long as I can hoping to avoid the aforementioned attack.