Through the entirety of my art journey experience I’ve been able to prove to myself that I have so much determination to achieve the highest amount of success I deserve. Whether or not life throws me down, I continuously show myself that I am able to always bounce back. Most times with a stronger sense of my craftsmanship. After detaching from reality, I am able to show others, especially myself, that the shine of my imagination is brighter each time. During the peak of my lows, I often struggle silently and keep things to myself or in my head. Growing up I often thought that it was the norm to keep everything to myself. And with keeping that same “norm” with me into my teenage years, I fought with myself harder and harder. I continued to believe that my end would always be near. Or that my story would never have the ending I’ve worked so hard for. Although this personal choice has ruined me in ways, I continue to show myself that I am able to come back to reality stronger and better each time. Steadily working on developing and teaching myself. Often proving to everyone, not that I need to, that I am capable. With my self-esteem on the rise, I realized that my future, my education, and my career were held in my hands and no one else's. With discipline and persistent working I am able to turn my big dreams into reality. Life’s experiences will always bring out the worst in a person but it is the way you jump back into action that means more. Even normally if you are just one that tends to stay in your lows longer than you are in your highs, it is the way you are able to grab your spark back. It took me the longest time to come to my senses and realize that I was the one in control of my own actions and feelings. I am the one that holds the reins. Even today, when I am disconnected from reality, I have to recognize that fighting with myself, keeping in my emotions, or not asking for any help will never do me any good. Beginning to understand that success is never a straight shot, I've changed the paths of my goals to fit my life’s journey. Especially that I am no longer continuously expecting the worst for it.

As an African-American born and raised in the south, I can absolutely tell anyone that everything down here is fried. People’s heads, the food we eat and cook, electricity in the homes, etc. The majority of people in the state of Mississippi are overweight. Including my very own family. The stats people read about online live up to their truth. Because of this, I’ve been bullied from elementary to high school. No matter the situation, the place and time, or my kindness towards others. I have always been self-conscious of the way I present myself to others. Which is something a pre-school student shouldn’t have to live through. The shame I felt grew to its peak during the beginning of my high school experience. It honestly didn’t help that I was new to the area. The disgust I felt towards my body expanded. Some days it was the only thing on my mind besides the thoughts of skipping meals to feel better about myself. I grew depressed. It was just more sadness to add as a cherry on top. The hatred I felt for myself grew so deep that I felt that there was never going to be a comeback for me. That there would never be a possible way for me to heal from this time in life. This would become the new “norm” for me. Growing up in an era and generation heavily inspired by social media only put my thoughts in more distress. Every other scroll on anyone’s phone would be models and their disordered eating, tutorials on how to present yourself better, ways to edit your body on photos so that you don’t make a food of yourself. I placed most of my blame onto this general topic of posts. Any content creators that looked better than me. Any of my friends and family that had the body I tried working so hard for. There would be times when innocent people I knew only inspired me more to try harder. More intense workouts, more dieting, more calorie deficits. I started to join online communities in order to feel heard. Because at the end of the day that’s all I wanted. These people online were just like me and I loved them. Everyone I saw was just as disordered as me. I can honestly say it was one of the most comforting feelings. Even though I was so numb at that point in life, the addiction of self-sabotage was just a craving I constantly had. The piece attached is a multi-media abstract assignment we were given in my advanced painting class. We were told “create an abstract piece based on a strong feeling”. Living through my eating disorder was one of the first experiences I thought of. There are only so many words that I could use to describe that horrific time in my life.

Growing up in the era and generation that was practically raised on the internet, I’ve always been attracted to websites, online stores, niche online communities, etc. As a young artist I often research art materials, techniques, and tutorials. At this point in life, I didn’t understand why I was so drawn to art creation but I knew I loved it. I always kept notebooks in my back packs and cubbies at school to draw in my free time. (As a senior in high school, I still do this to this day). Up until my freshman year of high school I unfortunately never took art seriously. To me it was always a hobby, in which I always told other people so. During the second semester of freshman year, I received this opportunity to attend an arts camp. They offered literary studies, traditional art studies, dance studies, and so much more. I went home that day so excited to tell my mom about the amazing news. I was able to get insight on the creative communities, future career options, and an unlimited amount of imagination. It amazed me how a place in Mississippi flourished with such talent and many possibilities. With it now being the beginning of 2026 and the beginning of my second semester in my senior year, I am enrolled at Mississippi School of the Arts. During my traditional arts class, we were required to create a digital portfolio in order for the students to participate in a state-wide art competition. Years before attending MSA, I constantly struggled with coming up with ideas for my portfolio. I never knew how I wanted the layout to be, I never had a color palette in mind, I always looked at others’ portfolios to attempt to get inspiration. Going into the assignment with the assumption that this website was about to be another part of the struggle, I had no idea for it. I tried using a list of colors I loved to attempt to get my creative gears rolling. It successfully worked. Especially under the pressure of it being judged. Unfortunately, I lost classwork time because I often got locked in on creating my website. In my defense, it was the first time I was able to freely express myself in my portfolio. And then I was able to add my best works on it? It was only up from there.