''A Mexican American's journey to learn Spanish ''

In my very first class of microeconomics my professor asked us “who we thought had entrepreneurial ability and why”- and in my mind, I just couldn't stop thinking about artists. Even as the class called out names of CEOs, small business owners and famous athletes my mind could help but think about the musicians, the painters, the writers. And I'm not sure if it was the way she worded it or the ambitious hope I have- that made me cling to the idea that art and said entrepreneurial ability are complementary skills. How could they not? If it takes a creative mind to be a successful entrepreneur, then wouldn’t it be logical to think that it takes at least some knowledge or entrepreneurial ability to be a successful artist? Thanks to this I was able to gain a key factor to succeeding as an artist and gained the courage to pursue this career. So now as I start my first year of college I have two major goals I would like to accomplish through my college life. Firstly, I would like to educate other aspiring artists about the importance of financial literature and marketing when pursuing an art career. Therefore, I planned an academic life that would allow me to study both fine arts and business so that I can gain the knowledge necessary to teach others how to combine these two skills. I hope to gain more experience as I establish my art club that will focus on these issues and help local artis gain exposure to the business aspect of this career by working with local businesses. Additionally, I would like to start sharing my knowledge about these topics through social media next year after gaining hands-on experience and a better understanding of art and business through my first year of college. Overall, I just hope that my experiences- my successes or failures, can be a resource that can help aspiring artists grow. Secondly, I would like to collaborate with an eyeglasses or eye care company whose business value is to provide affordable eye care or glasses to the people. I would like to partner with them to create an artbook or exhibition that consists of a series of works that parallel each other but the only difference is that one-half of the paintings have been done without my glasses on. With this project I hope to bring awareness to the issue of people not being able to afford eye care by making the view experience what I have seen for the first 15 years of my life, as my family couldn’t afford to buy eyeglasses. Then in the same order that they saw the blurry paintings, of my family, friends, living space- they will then see them once again as one “normally” would. There are still many more projects I would like to accomplish so I hope that in the future I can successfully use my knowledge to accomplish my goals and help others.

In my very first class of microeconomics my professor asked us “who we thought had entrepreneurial ability and why”- and in my mind, I just couldn't stop thinking about artists. Even as the class called out names of CEOs, small business owners and famous athletes my mind could help but think about the musicians, the painters, the writers. And I'm not sure if it was the way she worded it or the ambitious hope I have- that made me cling to the idea that art and said entrepreneurial ability are complementary skills. How could they not? If it takes a creative mind to be a successful entrepreneur, then wouldn’t it be logical to think that it takes at least some knowledge or entrepreneurial ability to be a successful artist? Thanks to this I was able to gain a key factor to succeeding as an artist and gained the courage to pursue this career. So now as I start my first year of college I have two major goals I would like to accomplish through my college life. Firstly, I would like to educate other aspiring artists about the importance of financial literature and marketing when pursuing an art career. Therefore, I planned an academic life that would allow me to study both fine arts and business so that I can gain the knowledge necessary to teach others how to combine these two skills. I hope to gain more experience as I establish my art club that will focus on these issues and help local artis gain exposure to the business aspect of this career by working with local businesses. Additionally, I would like to start sharing my knowledge about these topics through social media next year after gaining hands-on experience and a better understanding of art and business through my first year of college. Overall, I just hope that my experiences- my successes or failures, can be a resource that can help aspiring artists grow. Secondly, I would like to collaborate with an eyeglasses or eye care company whose business value is to provide affordable eye care or glasses to the people. I would like to partner with them to create an artbook or exhibition that consists of a series of works that parallel each other but the only difference is that one-half of the paintings have been done without my glasses on. With this project I hope to bring awareness to the issue of people not being able to afford eye care by making the view experience what I have seen for the first 15 years of my life, as my family couldn’t afford to buy eyeglasses. Then in the same order that they saw the blurry paintings, of my family, friends, living space- they will then see them once again as one “normally” would. There are still many more projects I would like to accomplish so I hope that in the future I can successfully use my knowledge to accomplish my goals and help others.

In my very first class of microeconomics my professor asked us a question about who has entrepreneurial ability and why- and in my mind, I just couldn't stop thinking about artists. Even as the class called out names of CEOs of this or that company and famous athletes my mind could help but think about the musicians, the painters, the writers and so many other artists out there. And I'm not sure if it was the way she worded it or the ambitious hope I have that made me cling to the idea that artists and said entrepreneurial ability are complementary skills. How could they not? Does it not take a creative mind to combine resources and create or innovate a product? Aren’t artists always taking risks in their craft? If it takes a creative mind to be a successful entrepreneur, then would it be logical to think that it takes at least some knowledge or entrepreneurial ability to be a successful artist? Therefore, with this conclusion I have come to rethink my perspective of art. Although I still think that my art is how I perceive the world, I now ask the question how I can interest others in my world. Because it’s this unique aspect of connection and community with other human beings in art, the what which neither machines nor any two humans can replicate. Due to this I now have three specific art goals during my college life. My first goal is something I’m already working on which is to create an art club that focuses on combining marketing strategies to generate exposure to Washington & Jefferson student artis and create a campus and city community that can appreciate and long for art. Although I haven't been in college for long I knew I wanted to make a change at my college- because it has the potential to create successful artists with the academic program they offer. Therefore, I was hoping to begin this change through an art club so that the prospect of combating business and art could be more appealing to potential future aspiring artists. However, because there hasn't been an art club for a while I’m still in the process of getting the club approved. Even so, thanks to the aid of the faculty at Washington & Jefferson college I have gotten to expand my network of people on campus and local business owners that our club could collaborate with when it’s established. The second goal I have is to start posting my art online and even posting videos. I have always had this dream but I have always shied away from it because of different insecurities like: my art not being good enough, not being entertaining, not having the skill to produce high quality videos, etc. However, I want to overcome this mindset and start to understand that I could create content with the purpose of connecting with people through my art. I would love to create videos about telling other artis about marketing or business, or videos about how I like to create a series of art works based on a topic, or more cinematographic videos about my journey to study Fine Arts with a minor in marketing. The third goal is an art series based goal; however, I feel like it could be really impactful if I can present it to the audience in the right way. It would cover topics such as poverty and bad eyesight based on my experience with a lack of accessibility to affordable glasses. For context, from a very young age my vision was bad but my parents were always busy with work, as they had multiple jobs just to support us financially. Therefore, the first time I had an eye check up I was in middle school- and for all my life the people I cared for and the place I called home did not have clear aspects in my memories, so as I tried a pair of glasses and I could see my mother clearly sitting across from me- I almost cried. It was something I never thought I needed, it never crossed my mind that I wanted glasses, sure it was inconvenient but I got by. However, this experience was life changing and short lived. The price for the glasses was out of my family’s budget, it wouldn't be until high school when I would receive my first pair of glasses. Therefore, I wanted to create a series of works to host an exhibition for or make into a book that would have paintings of family, friends and places I have grown up in with and without my glasses. If it would be an exhibition I would make it interactive and challenge the viewer to not look back to the clearer paintings as they walk along the blurry side of the paintings. If I made a book I would make the first section the artwork which is blurry and put “ “ as the title so that when they reach the clearer artwork, which will be in the same positions as the blurry ones, they will find the actual title of the art work; for example, “ “ in the second section would be “Father”. However, for this I need financial help which is why it would be a life changing opportunity to be a recipient of this scholarship.

More often than not, even now as I’m enrolled in a college- with a plan to study fine arts, there is a feeling of shame and guilt that makes me feel like I should be choosing a more “promising career”- so that I can be that financial support my parents need. Therefore, naturally the doubts creep in, and make me wonder if I’m really making the right decision; however, through it all there has always been a small persistent hope inside of me, that motivates me to pursue my dream as an artist. A hope that would probably have died- if not for my art teacher who gave me, and many others, various opportunities to be involved in the art community: as volunteers, interns, art competition contestants and just fellow young artis. Therefore, I was able to imagine a future in which I too could be financially stable as an artist. And so, thanks to those around me who supported and encouraged my passions, I now have the courage to pursue what I love and knowledge to make this dream a career. However, I would not be here if not for my art teacher and the people who have given me an opportunity to volunteer or be an intern at their art studios; therefore, I can’t help but feel the need to pay it forward as well. I hope to do this by helping other young low income artists tackle a regret I’ve heard other artists have most frequently- marketing. I have built my present and future college life around this recurring problem; therefore, I have two plans to help others overcome this which are teaching others what I have learned or recommending them to attend Washington & Jefferson College, which will take more time as I’m testing it out as of right now. This is because of the generous financial aid they offer, study program (which requires students to take either two majors or one major and one minor in which they can tackle the marketing problem themself while still studying the arts- as I’m currently trying to do), and the upcoming artist opportunities appearing in Washington Pennsylvania. Therefore, as I involve myself more with the Washington & Jefferson community the more I come to learn about the artistic opportunities here like an upcoming artist residency, artist vendors pop-ups, art expositions and art study abroad opportunities to Italy. However, I have also come to learn about the things that Washington & Jefferson lack- like an art club, which is why I have started contacting the student government association in order to start giving back to my community. Although it might not seem like much I hope others can see the value in me funding this club which is not just about creating art but about me learning how to teach, manage and promote other artists and myself. I want this club to be my first set into a great goal I have for giving back to my community and I want it to also be part of my legacy here at Washington & Jefferson College- because they truly have a great potential to be a college that creates successful artists. It’s just that sometimes someone has to take the lead and pave the path before others can improve it. So, even though I have never been one to take action and more often than not I try my best to avoid the spotlight because of my anxious nature, I know I want to be someone who can help other low income minorities journey in pursuing art.

As I viewed and thought about the various definitions of legacy, my own thoughts stumbled upon a concept that sparked two questions that led me to my own definition of legacy. At first my mind wondered towards the most obvious reminiscent remainders of legacy- the physically visible, the money or property left to someone. More specifically, I thought about the different impacts these legacies have as one's economic circumstances keep improving. I asked myself, 'if we only priorities or view legacies as the materialistic gains left behind, are we truly understanding, honoring or maintaining the legacy of the people who left these things? and then this led me to ask myself, 'how can someone leave a legacy without understanding the beliefs or values they wish to leave?'. This has led me to believe that legacy is when the abstract affects the concrete. Therefore, as I view the values that form my identity, I find that impact/legacy I want to leave is one of compassion and healing through my art as a medium. The more I think about what a impact I want to leave the more I realize that it’s essential for one’s legacy to take form through a physical medium. Because, although all legacies are born through the abstract notions that create our identities, the only way to create an impact in the word is through a concrete form. If that is not the case, then what we have left behind is not a legacy but an idea. I think this is important to keep in mind because, as I think about the impact I want to leave behind, I find myself examining my actions, art, relationships to see how they convey the legacy I would like to leave behind. I think about the people who have inspired and shaped my vision for this legacy and their own actions. However, I think it’s quite easy to leave a legacy, as it can be done unconsciously; what is hard is to leave a meaningful one. Only a those who have know more about what values they wish to share will be able to create a meaningful impact on others. As such, because only I know how much art, of various kinds, has impacted me and allowed me to keep going forward, I want to be able someone who is able to bring comfort to others by allowing them to feel seen. And, although I’m certain this is not a unique experience- as art allows us to view different perspectives of a shared word, I want to show through my art by exploring topics that have affected me like: sexual abuse, emotional redaction, body insecurity or even topics more joyful to not forget about the beauty in the world. In my great ambitions I dream of a future where my art career is successful enough to sustain me. I dream of a day where I’m able to impact those around me with my art, as I have been by many others. I know that I wish to leave a legacy of healing, exposure and compassion; through my art I wish that others find their experiences, both joys and sorrows, acknowledge. In hopes that they are able to find support in difficult situations and even more happiness in times of prosperity. Therefore, if I am able to leave behind my values, hopefully kind ones- through my art, I hope my art has the ability to impact at least one person and give them comfort.

Through the years my view and idea of art has changed constantly; however, I have learned that in its essence art to me is my, and other people’s, view of the word-our voice. And as a person who lost the courage to use their voice, this new form to express myself was lifesaving; all the emotions, both good and bad, that I had suppressed would find a way to make themselves known or feel acknowledged. From the worlds of words captured in literature that gave me a place of comfort or the melodies tuned to the range of my emotions or the culture preserving food in my life or the imagination that transcends visual knowledge of acting to the fragments of beauty in the world being capture in a canvas, the art that surrounds me has allowed me to keep on living. I hope that in the future my consumption of art does not prevent me from creating and vice versa. Additionally, I hope that I continue to grow my knowledge about other topics so that my artwork always keeps representing the word I know or the life of others who are not seen. I believe that it’s very important to be knowledgeable about the topics you would like to explore because then you’re able to further understand different opinions and make the best choice from your own perspective. Therefore, I would like to continue to explore and develop my critical thinking, so my form of expression always continues to improve. I think most of my growth as a person can be thanks to the art I have consumed. Someday I would like to be as meticulous and knowledgably as these artist so that my work also helps people navigate their feelings better. I would like to create artworks that show my life- my struggles and joy, so that others like me (Mexican American women, sexual assault victims and those with economic struggles) feel acknowledge and continue to have hope for a better future. I would like that my future works consist in the exploration of topics such as “The impact of family members on women”, “Mexican Culture Inertia in 1st generation Mexican Americans”, “Beggars can’t be choosers, but they were dreamers”, amongst many more ideas. I want my art to be meaningful; I want it to open people’s eyes to different life circumstances. Overall, my goal when creating art, of any medium, is to invoke a feeling of compassion from those who are unaware of the different struggles we face and a feeling of union that hopefully turns into hope from those who are feeling overwhelmed by life’s struggles.

For art is so intertwined in our lives that most of the time we take for granted the presence of these creations. I could see it in my upbringing, I can see it in the advancements of technology, and it can be seen in society- how these negative stereotypes about pursuing art facilitated the action of diminishing the value of art in my life. However, through time, the support of those who love me, and newfound courage I have found that art is an undeniable necessity in my life. Through the years my view and idea of art has changed constantly; however, I have learned that in its essence art to me is my, and other people’s, view of the word-our voice. And as a person who lost the courage to use their voice, this new form to express myself was lifesaving; all the emotions, both good and bad, that I had suppressed would find a way to make themselves known or feel acknowledged. From the worlds of words found in literature that gave me a place of comfort or the melodies tuned to the range of my emotions or the culture preserving food in my life or the imagination that transcends visual knowledge of acting to the fragments of beauty in the world being capture in a canvas the art that surrounds me has allowed me to keep on living. I have learned so much and come to appreciate the world more through all these different mediums and I would like to do the same with the art I’m most familiar with, painting. I would like to continue to create art that show my life- my struggles and joy, so that others like me (Mexican American women, sexual assault victims and those with economic struggles) feel acknowledge and continue to have hope for a better future. I would like that my future works consist in the exploration of topics such as “The impact of family members on women”, “Mexican Culture Inertia in 1st gen children”, “Beggars can’t be choosers, but they were dreamers”, amongst many more ideas. I want my art to be meaningful; I want it to open people’s eyes to different life circumstances. Therefore, because I believe art school can help me further develop my art skills and allow me to interact with people who share the same values, I’m trying to attend college as soon as I’m financial stable enough, and this scholarship along many other one available will help me achieve my goal. I submitted my FASFA the first week it was open but have faced problems due to the recent changes; and, although I have gained a pretty decent scholarship from SAIC, I’m still trying to reduce the financial burden even more. These next few works are some examples of how I have explored topics about art that have interest me. For this “series” of artworks I was inspired by how literature can affect people and so I wanted to show different views, feelings, thoughts, etc. people had about reading through my paintings.

It seems as if the abundance of art in our lives has reduced its value in life, or at least to some extent. Because, as I at my own journey with art, in the beginning I too overlooked the importance of its integration in my life, and now, with its accessibility, people seem to underappreciate the privilege of creativity. However, in my submersion of this skill I have come to depend on its reoccurrence, as I become infatuated with the act of creation. This newfound passion contradicted my concept of art as I began to view it as an essential privilege in our society. As a result, it is these two contradicting ideologies that have paved, and obstructed, my journey to pursue art as more than just a hobby or passion. I believe that every artist has had a critical moment, one that makes it an undeniable truth that creating art is a necessity (however consistent or consistent it might be). In my experience this moment came less of a relive and more as a crushing fear; for, in my experience, other factors- like coming from low-income immigrant parents, made me this realization feel more as an execution verdict, where I was forced to choose between me or my family. Because in my mind, due to the negative stereotypes of being an art major, I was afraid of becoming an economic burden to my parents since it contradicted my goal of economic stability to aid my parents financially. Therefore, I made a compromise with myself which consisted of giving my high school years the liberty of prioritizing art over other things but with the condition that my career would be STEAM related. However, it is thanks to my teacher, Mr. Healey, who provided our school with the resources and opportunities- art shows, supplies, connections, encouragement, that I started to envision myself perusing art. I was able to explore different mediums: watercolor, gouache, acrylic, oil pastels; my favorite medium being watercolor or gouache. I was able to be part of amazing events like Art on the Avenue, where students create artwork to raise money in order to aid with affordable housing, VASE, a Texas art competition, and the Art in the Heart opening, a local art workshop whose goal is to increase accessibility to art in low-income areas. I began to learn how I approach my artwork, as I tried different methods; settling with, writing what I feel about a topic or event and then narrowing it down to specific visuals or feeling and then make concept sketches base of these ideas. My continues exposure to art and selfish passion in this subject has helped me realize how much I value this interest of mine. And, although my encounter with art did not start as intense as the end, I would like to continue this burning love for learning and creating art. Because now I consider my art a proof of my struggle, but most importantly my effort, to pursue and succeed in a career that other might think of as “unstable”. I create with the intention of improving; as I explore different categories of art- photography, theater, painting, writing, because they help me appreciate the value and beauty in these skills that fall under what we consider art.

I have always enjoyed reading; however, the only access to books I had was in my school library, which did not have all the books I was interested in and online websites. Therefore, I spent a great amount of my free time on my phone, which many times would venture into the late hours of the night or the next day. In many ways this hobby of mine was an escape from the responsibilities- cleaning, cooking, taking care of my brothers, school, I had, to the fantasies and adventures of another world. Books that inspired dreams of a better present that would, with the creaks of a bed, whose sound was amplified by the silence it broke and was consumed by, and lonely defeated sigh by a long-ago tired man, come to a halt. The sorrowful of which my ears and imagination became a victim of, but my eyes never witness; the sounds of a worn-out immigrant whose only hope and strength is found in his children. Why was his future taken away in order to provide for mine? My father, although not smart, was wise and hardworking; as if these qualities were a compensation to what the academic system, whether in Mexico or the United States of America, had stripped him of. I think this is why he is able to advise me and my brothers to make better decisions in life because he knows from experience that “un apala pesa mas que un lapiz”. His support and encouragement were never absent throughout my life which is why I feel not only gratitude but also an obligation to earn a higher education with as little financial burden as possible; so that one day, like him, I too could provide and help my parents economically. Because I have seen him and my mother struggle and exhort themselves to work for us, I want to provide for them so that they are able to receive the rest they deserve. However, I didn’t always feel this way. Before I used to view this “obligation” in a more negative way but through the course of time I became more appreciative of my parent's sacrifices. I am thankful for them. As of now, I can’t say I have succeeded in my goals but made progress in completing them. That’s not to discredit my academic gains as of so far- having honor all’s all through high school, taking all the AP classes I could, being part of the national honor society, etc., but I feel like there is still more I could do to improve my chances to attend college. I’m striving to succeed in my current classes in order to be eligible for the career I admire, software engineer, and still be involved in the things I love, family, art and backing. However, throughout my journey, my biggest support has always been my family, my father. This is where I found the strength and motivation to be successful and where I learned to be ambitious for a better education.

Feelings aren’t a reliable representation of outcomes, but it seems that these emotions are the only thing I can provide to prove the reality of the past. My memories are too hazy for me to understand the reason behind their actions. I was too young to feel resentment or to remain fearful of my parents; therefore, when I think of my family as a child, more than love, I feel pity. When I think about the past, the first thing I recall is the sobbing of my father, the warmth of his tears as he reached out for a hug. At that moment my father seemed to shrink, and we seemed to switch roles, as he sought condolences from his “child”. As if the world had done him wrong, and his only refuge and strength could be found in my arms, I protected my father from his pain. I wish I could remember my mother differently. Even if her pain was more secretive like the night that covered our escape from the crumbling house. Secret outings that were used to cover the pain of the past; it was supposed to be a good memory, but I can’t remember the places we went, instead I remember her, in her car with a broken voice and repressed tears. I was my mother’s partner in crime, a confidant to her vulnerability. It seemed essential for me to be prepared to hold their hands at any given moment like a first aid attendant I was prepared to be called into action at any time. However, my body grew tired of always being on alert. Overworked and frustrated with the state of our home I became resentful. I felt my skin crawl at their touch and my stomach felt revolted by their words of “love”. Even so, more than hatred, I felt guilty for having these feelings of disgust because in my culture family love is a very important value. I was torn between an expectation of unconditional love for my family and these feelings of emotional neglect by my parents. I wished I could forgive their actions or at least try to understand that they are also imperfect, but I was too blinded by my own feelings of injustice to understand their perception of the events. At some point I just felt tired all the time and although I was never clinically diagnosed with any mental health issues, I could see that something was wrong with me due to my negative habits. Therefore, I began to research an explanation for this fluctuation of emotions. My main concern wasn’t the effects of these negative feelings but the lack of control I had over them. I was scared that I would end like my parents. In a way this helped and harmed my relationship with mental health as I was able to logicize my emotions in attempts to stop any destructive outlets, but I also made me unable to feel any compassion for myself. There came a point where I was tired of dealing with this hatred towards myself and the concept of love and vulnerability. At this point I was desperate for change and, although it was hard, I am grateful for those mental health advice that teach about the importance of forgiveness and compassion. Now I can say that I am grateful for the support of those close to me and for the love they showed me that gave me strength to forgive the burden that I carried as a child.