Back in my sophomore year, it was incredibly hard for me. COVID-19 just hit, and everyone felt restricted in quarantine. Being in the same room and atmosphere, 24/7, impacted me. I was not motivated; I barely wanted to get out of bed. My grades started to slip in the first semester because I always did the bare minimum. Granted, I only had five classes, so it was not too bad, but still, procrastination took a toll on me, and it started to interfere with my schoolwork. Because I always slept and rarely moved, I gained much weight. It was a constant repetition of eating and sleeping each day. I became self-conscious of my body and became insecure at that time, more than I had ever felt before. I don't know the amount of weight I gained, but I remember feeling sluggish and tired. When I was in the bathroom and took a long hard look at myself, I realized I needed to change. I could not keep doing this. So I took the initiative. I spent that day finding workout videos on YouTube and cutting back on certain foods. We ate fast food every day, and I had the habit of eating when I was already full. I had to break that habit and consume more water too. Once I had a playlist of workouts (around 7-10 videos), I took it upon myself to start the following week. Before my first class at 7:50, I started my first workout session around 6. I began with stretches and moved on to a full-body workout. The session lasted for an hour, and I remember feeling pumped and unbelievably energized, which was new to me. It was now 7:30, so I got into the shower and logged into my classes. I noticed I was focusing more and was tuned in. That situation made me realize how great my mind was. At first, I thought the saying "If you put your mind to it, you can do it" was cliche until that moment. I lost 20 pounds, and my grades are either A or B. Words cannot describe how amazing I felt. Once we moved and I started my junior year, I was in school, and felt like I could stop. Knowing that I have that mindset made me realize my potential. It made me wonder about other things I could do. Having this mindset is helpful in my life because with every challenge, I know I can persevere through it. And I have been doing so for the past years, no matter how small or big the situation is. With that, I inspired my mom to take initiative with her life. She saw the transformation I went through from start to finish. She wanted better for herself as well. So she asked me to become her personal trainer. In other words, help her work out, and encourage her to portion her foods. She told me "No matter how angry I get, push me and make me do it". Seeing my mom follow the steps I did, made me feel a way no words can describe. In a way it made me feel like I was a role model. Granted, this all stopped when we moved and I started working more. I can say that at that moment in time I felt like the most influential and prestigious.

Back in my sophomore year, it was incredibly hard for me. COVID-19 just hit, and everyone felt restricted in quarantine. Being in the same room and atmosphere, 24/7, impacted me. I was not motivated; I barely wanted to get out of bed. My grades started to slip in the first semester because I always did the bare minimum. Granted, I only had five classes, so it was not too bad, but still, procrastination took a toll on me, and it started to interfere with my schoolwork. Because I always slept and rarely moved, I gained much weight. It was a constant repetition of eating and sleeping each day. I became self-conscious of my body and became insecure at that time, more than I had ever felt before. I don't know the amount of weight I gained, but I remember feeling sluggish and tired. When I was in the bathroom and took a long hard look at myself, I realized I needed to change. I could not keep doing this. So I took the initiative. I spent that day finding workout videos on YouTube and cutting back on certain foods. We ate fast food every day, and I had the habit of eating when I was already full. I had to break that habit and consume more water too. Once I had a playlist of workouts (around 7-10 videos), I took it upon myself to start the following week. Before my first class at 7:50, I started my first workout session around 6. I began with stretches and moved on to a full-body workout. The session lasted for an hour, and I remember feeling pumped and unbelievably energized, which was new to me. It was now 7:30, so I got into the shower and logged into my classes. I noticed I was focusing more and was tuned in. I was doing this for two consecutive days before I had to stop. I was overworking myself and had cramps in my legs, so again, I could barely move; however, I utilized this time and started working on my assignments. I started doing this for the rest of the week, and I could catch up. When my cramps stopped, I worked on a schedule. I'll work out on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and in the time between, I do my work. If I don't have any work, I usually walk around the apartment complex when the weather permits. That situation made me realize how great my mind was. At first, I thought the saying "If you put your mind to it, you can do it" was cliche until that moment. I lost 20 pounds, and my grades are either A or B. Words cannot describe how amazing I felt. Once we moved and I started my junior year, I was in school, and felt like I could stop. Knowing that I have that mindset made me realize my potential. It made me wonder about other things I could do. Having this mindset is helpful in my life because with every challenge, I know I can persevere through it. And I have been doing so for the past years, no matter how small or big the situation is.

Back in my sophomore year, it was incredibly hard for me. COVID-19 just hit, and everyone felt restricted in quarantine. Being in the same room and atmosphere, 24/7, impacted me. I was not motivated; I barely wanted to get out of bed. My grades started to slip in the first semester because I always did the bare minimum. Granted, I only had five classes, so it was not too bad, but still, procrastination took a toll on me, and it started to interfere with my schoolwork. Because I always slept and rarely moved, I gained much weight. It was a constant repetition of eating and sleeping each day. I became self-conscious of my body and became insecure at that time, more than I had ever felt before. I don't know the amount of weight I gained, but I remember feeling sluggish and tired. When I was in the bathroom and took a long hard look at myself, I realized I needed to change. I could not keep doing this. So I took the initiative. I spent that day finding workout videos on YouTube and cutting back on certain foods. We ate fast food every day, and I had the habit of eating when I was already full. I had to break that habit and consume more water too. Once I had a playlist of workouts (around 7-10 videos), I took it upon myself to start the following week. Before my first class at 7:50, I started my first workout session around 6. I began with stretches and moved on to a full-body workout. The session lasted for an hour, and I remember feeling pumped and unbelievably energized, which was new to me. It was now 7:30, so I got into the shower and logged into my classes. I noticed I was focusing more and was tuned in. I was doing this for two consecutive days before I had to stop. I was overworking myself and had cramps in my legs, so again, I could barely move; however, I utilized this time and started working on my assignments. I started doing this for the rest of the week, and I could catch up. When my cramps stopped, I worked on a schedule. I'll work out on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and in the time between, I do my work. If I don't have any work, I usually walk around the apartment complex when the weather permits. That situation made me realize how great my mind was. At first, I thought the saying "If you put your mind to it, you can do it" was cliche until that moment. I lost 20 pounds, and my grades are either A or B. Words cannot describe how amazing I felt. Once we moved and I started my junior year, I was in school, and felt like I could stop. Knowing that I have that mindset made me realize my potential. It made me wonder about other things I could do. Having this mindset is helpful in my life because with every challenge, I know I can persevere through it. And I have been doing so for the past years, no matter how small or big the situation is.

Losing my grandma has been the most painful experience I am still going through. Since she has been gone, my world has completely flipped. I've been struggling to find any motivation to do anything. I've been going stir-crazy without her guidance or advice. This woman was more than a grandma; she was my second mother. The vibe around her was safe, and she created an environment around her where she'll always be loved. Holidays and special occasions aren't the same anymore. That vibe she created is gone, and left with grief. She had the most addictive laugh in the world. She knew what to say to make the whole room laugh. I was her partner in crime. She knew what to do to make me feel special. No matter how big or small. Since the world has taken her away from me, I've been angry. Everybody grieves differently, but still, to this day, I find it absurd that just the day before she passed, she was talking and laughing. Something about that isn't clicking into my mind. How can someone go from being healthy one day and dying the next? It's a constant question I think about daily. I could only imagine how she felt, going to sleep and thinking she would wake up. It makes me the uttermost angry thinking that the doctors might have done something to her. Still, to this day, I never trust hospitals and probably won't ever because of that. Some of the best memories we had together were in her kitchen. She'll be cooking, and I'll be in the dining room. We'll talk about anything and everything. I always said our conversations bounce off the walls because we'll be talking about one thing while the other is talking about another. But somehow, we managed to understand each other. People in our family call us twins, just how alike we are. That was the purity of it. We always are on the same wavelength. The bond between us was so tight. I stayed at her house almost every weekend and slept in the room across from hers or on the couch. One thing we always talked about was college, which I was so excited to do to make her proud. When she passed, I lost that excitement. My motivation for school and college just wholly ended. I stopped striking for the best and did the bare minimum. I was hit with a wave of depression and did not want to get out of bed. When I was at school, I barely paid any attention. My grades constantly swayed, and I could barely keep anything more than a B. All I could think about was this one particular conversation we had. I had asked her if she would attend my college graduation, hoping for an immediate yes. Instead, she said something heartbreaking. She replied, "If I am alive by then." Hearing that, I first did not overthink it and laughed it off because I thought she was kidding around. But now, reminiscing about that makes my chest hurt and makes me think that she knew that she did not have long and was sparing me the disappointment. It wasn't until months later that I regained my motivation. At this time, my little brother was sharing a room with me; he slept at the bottom of my bed. Seeing him on the daily baizes gave me motivation. My brother was born with heart and lung disease. When he was born, he almost lost his life. He had two surgeries operated on him from the time he was born. Knowing that he won't have that many opportunities in life because of that made me rethink everything. I want to be a role model for him; I want him to look at me and be motivated because he will likely have it more complicated in school. Whenever I told him about something I did in school or saw me perform with our high school band, his face would immediately light up. Being in that room, we created a stronger bond, and it also made me think about some of the stuff we went through together. It was because of him I gained my motivation back. I do everything now because of him. I became his protector, his second mother. And most importantly, I made him feel safe, just as he did with me. I'm so grateful he was there. I could only imagine what predicament I'd have myself in if he wasn't. He does not know how much my brother has done for me. Thank you so much, Cat Zingano, for letting me write about my incredible little brother and giving him the highlights he deserves.