I am a struggler, I cry, I become thoughtful and in the saddest scenarios, I sometimes get thoughts of what it would be like if I just wasn’t here anymore. I consider myself a strong human being who has been able to endure some of the intensified basic pain that others might also go through. However, I do not have a mental illness, I know that it is just me having mental breakdowns when I’m in a weak point and others just keep adding more pain and judgements to my persona. The reason why I am aware that taking care of myself is important but not as severe as other’s situations is because I have seen one of my close family members change completely due to a mental illness.
My aunt, also my godmother from my first communion, fell victim to a mental illness. She has gone undiagnosed since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic but shows signs of schizophrenia. She speaks to herself, talks nonsense, doesn’t want to go outside, and demonstrates no signs motivation. Everything began in the summer of 2020, one day my aunt told my mom that she had met a guy on Facebook, that she had talked to him and was going to marry him. My mom was shocked because she didn’t know my aunt was talking to someone but was also excited that she was finally going to have a chance to build her own family after having to also tend to her younger siblings, my other aunt and uncle. However, the morning after she told us that she was going to get married and that her fiancé was coming to meet us, she mentioned that she saw the figure of God in the sky. We are religious and know that clouds sometimes take shapes, but no one saw anything. My mom called my uncle and told him that Vero, had met a guy and was going to meet him. All of a sudden, my aunt began to cry in a way that I had never heard before, my uncle hugged her, she started saying that she had gotten married, and that god was good. Then, my uncle came out of the room and began to cry, my sisters, my mom and I, did as well. When we checked Vero’s phone, we were perplexed, the guy she said she had gotten married to, had never accepted her friend request. Nothing she had said about him was true. She had just invented or imagined a whole marriage with someone she had never interacted with.
Now, it has been two years and my aunt is still the same. I would say that there has been small progress since she doesn’t get radical episodes of screaming, crying and waking up in the middle of the night as she did in the beginning. However, she still murmurs to herself, and has a different look in her eyes. The part that bothers me the most is that my grandma said that she just wants to leave her like that. Selfish. Ignorant. Cruel. That’s what I thought when I head my grandma’s decision. She is old, has lived her life and will eventually leave this world and then who. Who will take care of my aunt?
I plan to major in nursing and convey to others that just like their physical health matters, their mental health also matters. This scholarship will allow me to finance my career and facilitate my advocacy for attention in mental health and the importance of getting diagnosed for people to live comfortable and independent lives.