I have struggled with depression since I was 11 years old, and I am almost 19 years old now. Having depression at that young age and for that long has affected a lot of different things in my life, like my goals, relationships, and understanding of the world. While growing up, I was always indecisive about my future. I thought I wanted to be a doctor, but I soon realized that I couldn't handle the things I would see if I pursued that dream. It wasn't until I last attempted suicide at 15 that I figured out what I wanted to do in the future. That experience alone has shaped a lot of things, like my goals and understanding of the world. I realized I wanted to work in the mental health field to help people. Helping people has always been a goal of mine, one way or another. I realized how passionate I was about helping others who might have gone through the same things I have.
Having depression at such a young age and not knowing how to navigate it was hard. At first, I didn't even know what depression was and didn't know what I was feeling. I would try to express myself to my family, but they just brushed it off and claimed I was faking it or exaggerating it. I remember everything my family said when I tried to reach out for help, which affected me a lot. I felt anger towards them for invalidating my feelings, but I knew I needed help; it felt like I was talking to a brick wall. It wasn't until I last attempted that my family took everything I was saying seriously. I think this made them realize I needed help, as I claimed. They became so supportive and understanding of my feelings. I still felt angry at them for not helping me when I asked, but my relationship with my family has improved. My family has become one of my most extensive support systems, and if it weren't for them, I wouldn't know what to do.
In the past, I used to have a negative outlook on life, but more recently, my outlook has changed. As I grow and get better, I realize that no matter what I go through, I can get through it. Somebody once told me it's just a bad day, not a bad life, and I genuinely believe that. I have had multiple bad days, but I always think of that advice and keep going. My baby sister has also helped change my outlook on life. She is my motivation and the light of my life. On my most challenging days, when I'm struggling the most, I think of her and how much I love watching her grow.
Having depression is a struggle, but with all the help and support I have received, it is easier. I want to be able to help people the same way I have been helped. The community I live in doesn't have as much support as other communities do when it comes to mental health, and I want to change that. I am currently in college, majoring in psychology, and I plan to further my education. Once I finish my associates, I plan to continue and raise community awareness.