Since I was a middle schooler, I have always struggled with my mental health and confidence. I was bullied infrequently during elementary school, but it was most intense in middle school. I have always been a skinny person, not eating as much as my family and friends, this caused me to be smaller than average. It made me feel like even if I wanted to, I couldn’t fight back because I was weak. This made me hate myself and the way I look, usually my grades are good, but they struggled after middle school. I went to high school with my bully, and it continued there as well, but whenever he insulted me I would insult him back, he never put his hands on me. This also caused him to back down. It made me feel better to do that, and he stopped after a while. I finally started to feel better about myself, but during my sophomore year, my mother and father passed away. My parents have always been addicted to drugs, my father more than my mother. In the back of my mind I knew something like this would happen. But nothing could have prepared me for that this, this was the worst pain I had felt in my life, my grades were the worst they’d ever been and I had to attend sumner school. I passed summer school and switched schools to be around friends from my hometown in West Virginia. In my new school I wasn’t bullied, but my mental health never got better, I started abusing cough syrup to mask the pain and feel better, It helped for the first few times, but I started having panic attacks. And I would even have them without being high, they have gradually went away over time and I haven’t had one in a long time. But I stopped doing drugs because of that, and I turned to cutting myself. It felt like the best option for me and the least risky, besides getting an infection. I started seeing a therapist and I told them about my self harm, they told my grandparents, who I lived with at the time and I had to get rid of all razors and use an electric razor to shave. I was diagnosed by the hospital with Major Depression Disorder, and Social Anxiety. It felt better to have an idea of what was wrong with me, and how to treat it. I was prescribed antidepressants and they helped. My grades improved my junior year, but I had to retake math. My struggles with my mental health made me appreciate the people in my life that were there for me when I was at my worst, my best friends, my girlfriend(who I met in senior year, I now go to college with her), and my grandparents. And having experienced significant problems with my mental health, it helps me understand what my friends are going through sometimes, and all friends should check in and be there for you. As for my career, I want to make a difference and help the environment, I am going to be an environmental technician.

My education is important to me because I wanna be the most successful person I can be. Because my mother and father were both homeless with only a high school diploma. When I was a toddler I lived with my mother. I don’t remember much at all during this time, but I ended up living with my grandparents because my dad was homeless and my mother couldn't support me and it was too dangerous for me to live with her because of the area she lived in. I have 3 brothers, Marcus, Ryan, and Psalm. All of them my mother lost custody of because of her living situation. She was addicted to drugs after a long time of being clean. She got very skinny and distant from me so I didn't hear from her for a long time, she would occasionally message me. After somebody shot and killed her friend in her home, and shot her while I was in her arms. I would’ve died or been seriously injured if the bullet was a few inches closer. She decided it was better for me to live with my grandparents because it wasn’t safe. I still saw her, but she was addicted to drugs for a long time. In my sophomore year of high school, she overdosed and died in her house by herself. It turns out she was laced with Fentanyl, two months later my dad was high and tripped and broke his skull on the curb and died too. I didn’t think I would live past high school at this point. After both my parents died I didn't know what to do with my life, I didn't have many friends or people to talk to. I did attend therapy and I still do today but at the time it didn't feel like it helped me. I started vaping and taking drugs to try to make the feelings go away. The only drug I did was cough syrup. After a while, it made me have panic attacks so I stopped. I eventually stopped vaping too because I was scared of messing my lungs up. The feelings of loneliness didn't go away for a long time. I just wished I could have said goodbye to either of my parents. In 2022 I was diagnosed with Major Depression Disorder and Social Anxiety. I started cutting myself around this time because I didn't know what to do about these feelings and I felt like I needed to punish myself. Eventually, I told my therapist and they told my parents for me. I haven't cut in about 3 months because of a relapse after a mental breakdown, but that was because I messed up and made my girlfriend feel bad. I still have minor panic attacks sometimes when I'm in public but it's way better than it used to be. But when I needed to distract myself music was very helpful. I discovered a lot of artists that I still listen to. Music was very helpful in dealing with the emotions I was experiencing and calming me down during panic attacks. I also liked drawing, but I haven’t had the time to recently because I’ve been busy with other things. But it was similar to music where it distracted me and made me feel better. I was not good and didn’t want other people to look at it but I enjoyed it.

Have you ever felt like nobody wants anything to do with you? I did while I was growing up. I often felt like an outcast and questioned whether I would ever make any friends or find happiness in my life. It was a challenging time, but I am grateful to have overcome it. I learned valuable lessons from that experience, which I will carry with me into the future. This essay discusses the challenges | faced while growing up and how I worked to overcome them and shape myself into the person I am now. During elementary school I did not have many friends. I was often seen as the odd kid, and people did not want to talk to me. Occasionally, I was bullied which made me feel worse about myself. I felt I was inferior to everyone else because no one seemed interested in speaking to me or giving me the chance I now feel I deserved. I moved to another town in West Virginia after 6th grade and lost touch with the friends I made prior. For two years I felt like an outcast and was too afraid to talk to anyone, fearing they'd treat me the way I was in the past. When I started high school it was the same; I had at most six people I spoke with who weren't really friends-just acquaintances I occasionally interacted with. Tragically, my mom and dad passed away, adding grief to the depression I was already developing due to my isolation. My grades suffered during this time as I partook in harmful substances and self harm to cope with my feelings. It was suggested by my grandparents that I should try therapy which I first declined but later took up the offer in an attempt to gain a footing. After sophomore year I decided to transfer to a school where my childhood friends were attending. During this time they helped me feel more comfortable and I began to engage with new people. With their support, I worked towards rebuilding my social life. I formed many new friendships since transferring and I have become much better at talking to people than before. I continue to attend therapy which helped me learn to cope with my feelings of loss, teaching me strategies to manage my grief and depression. These skills encouraged me to work on being a better version of myself. After I met my girlfriend, she helped me see myself in a new light. I started to work on gaining confidence in myself while still expanding my social circle Though I have accomplished so much in my journey, it has still just began and there are ways I can improve that I am determined to make happen.

My mother committed suicide when I was 15, soon after I lost my dad to drugs in 2022. It was the worst time of my life because I had never experienced the death of a loved one, aside from my great-grandmother. I lived with my grandparents because my dad was homeless and my mother couldn't support me and it was too dangerous for me to live with her because of the area she lived in. I have 3 brothers, Marcus, Ryan, and Psalm. All of them my mother lost custody of because of her living situation. She was addicted to drugs after a long time of being clean. She got very skinny and distant from me so I didn't hear from her for a long time, she would occasionally message me. After both my parents died I didn't know what to do with my life, I didn't have many friends or people to talk to. I did attend therapy and I still do today but at the time it didn't feel like it helped me. I started vaping and taking drugs to try to make the feelings go away. The only drug I did was cough syrup. After a while, it made me have panic attacks so I stopped. I eventually stopped vaping too because I was scared of messing my lungs up. The feelings of loneliness didn't go away for a long time. I just wished I could have said goodbye to either of my parents. In 2022 I was diagnosed with Major Depression Disorder and Social Anxiety. I started cutting myself around this time because I didn't know what to do about these feelings and I felt like I needed to punish myself. Eventually, I told my therapist and they told my parents for me. I haven't cut in about 3 months because of a relapse after a mental breakdown, but that was because I messed up and made my girlfriend feel bad. I still have minor panic attacks sometimes when I'm in public but it's way better than it used to be. I don't think about losing my parents anymore, I don't cut myself anymore and I don't do drugs. I feel like I'm healed and I've come to terms with it. My girlfriend has helped me so much in understanding and healing from the events that happened in my life. But I still think about it sometimes and I still really miss them.