Watching a loved one suffer and slowly lose themselves was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I truly feel that my mom's death has impacted me more than her diagnosis because I didn't know how much I would lose until I actually lost it. That was my biggest mistake. I was just about 8 years old when my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer. I didn't understand much other than that my mom was sick. My life was always filled with laughter and memories. As I got older i started realizing how sick my mom was. I was always a girl who loved going to school, loved learning, and just a girl who wanted to meet new people. My sophomore year of high school was by far the worst year for me. Mentally and physically. I wasn't caring about my grades or if I failed or passed that test. I was focused on making sure my mom was happy and okay. I stepped up a lot with my little sister Yazzy, who was only 6. I chose to put my high school activities and teenage life to the side to make sure my little sister's life didn't change much yet, because I knew eventually it would... Volleyball was my safe place, but at this time, I dreaded leaving my house. I just didn't want anything to happen to my mom and me, not being there. Yes, we had so many people visiting her and helping us, but I wanted time with my mom as much as possible. I was so angry and frustrated at the world, not because I was in pain, but because I was confused about why my mom was the chosen one to suffer and be the one in so much pain. On July 21st, 2024, my mom passed away here at home in her sleep. Waking up that morning i automatically had a feeling something had happened. That day was the day I knew I had to step up so much more, because I knew my mom's only worry was us, her 4 children. I had made a promise to always be there for my little sister when my older siblings moved out, because I knew, as the youngest, I would be the one at home with Yazzy for longer. I would hate hanging out with friends because walking into their house was just a different feeling for me. They had their mom there with them. They were able to hug their mom and tell her about their day, but I couldn't. I may be selfish for this, but I felt jealous in a way. My whole life changed. My family was always so close. We would always do family dinners and just always hang out with each other. This was because of my mom. She was the rock to our family. Now that I am growing up and have the decision to stay or leave for college, i dont want to make the wrong decision, and start my life. I made a promise to my mom.