For years I have constantly asked myself, who am I? Do I belong here? Simple answer. I think so. What I mean by this is I never considered myself to matter until you do. For years I struggled with self-identity and knowing who I was. I knew I was a good person, but I made many mistakes in my life. Constantly watching what I say, doing what I do, and being me. When I was 14 I had no idea what was going on in my head. I was constantly feeling like everybody hated me. I was trying to fill an empty void and paint this astonishing picture of myself, but that wasn't me. The constant feelings of euphoria, but then feeling this empty abyss. But this didn't go on for weeks or months, this happened in one day. I would feel on top of the world, 10 minutes later I was depressed. I would have thoughts of suicide, constantly wanting to end it all. The people I would talk to, would call me dramatic. They would tell me I'm 14 years old and this is normal. But was it really normal for a 14-year-old to constantly contemplate their life? Was it normal for a 14-year-old to feel happy, depressed and angry all in the span of 10 minutes? To me this wasn't normal, but a lot of people tried to normalize this for me. My symptoms started increasing. Everybody hated me, nobody loved me. All I felt was emptiness and I couldn't have any stable relationships with friends or family. I went through a lot in my life with my father's suicide and a single mom. Or being bullied throughout my whole life. My heart was finally set on that day that I was sick and tired and I spoke up to my psychiatrist and asked her "What is wrong with me?" Seriously I wanted to know. That's when I was told that I have borderline personality disorder tendencies and symptoms. I was reading articles about borderline personality because I'd never heard of it. But that day that I found out was not gonna be the last that I ever heard about borderline personality disorder. People in my family have struggled with bipolar and other various mental illnesses. But I was the first person in my family to be told that I may have BPD. No one understood what it meant. Neither did my friends they thought I was crazy. I mean imagine a 14-year-old having a personality disorder that barely anybody has heard of. For a very long time I couldn't fathom the fact that this is what was wrong with me. But when you get older, you eventually realize that being a borderline does not affect you are who you are. Sure it may affect the way you think others think of you or how you perceive yourself, but it took me years to realize that I am a good person. We all make mistakes. I'm not as we're being human is about. It's about learning life and how to be a person. I am currently working with children who are troubled and being an advocate for them. I am a college social worker and I will be changing the world. I will not put a stigma on mental health or personality disorders. It took me years to understand that I am not my mental illness. But I can change the world with experience. I can help others in need by being their advocate. I am not my mental illness I am me.

I was bullied throughout my whole life being told I'll never amount to anything. At one point and time, I believed everybody. I knew I was never going to make it and I'd end up alone. I knew that I was different and to me, that difference was bad. I had no friends. I knew I wasn't going to be here any longer, so I never planned my future. I didn't even wanna try anymore. I'd sit in my room, just myself and the dark. We couldn't afford Spotify or Apple Music, so I was always listening to youtube. "Suicide Note" By Kyle Spratt. To this day when this song came on, I didn't know it yet, but I was saved. A small rapper from Windsor, Canada understood me. Kyle lost his father to suicide. We had that in common. I had no clue who this guy was, but he sounded like Eminem to me. I just kept listening, "My heart's broken, so I'ma make it stop beating". "I can picture myself as a grown man. I wanna grow up, I can deal with change". I was most afraid of this. The day after my birthday I attempted to take my own life, realizing that I don't wanna grow up. I didn't wanna be here anymore. I kept thinking of every ounce of agony that I was going through. While attempting I forgot the most important lyrics. I forgot he kept telling me, "I can picture myself as a grown man". If he can do it, why can't I? After years of still recovery and still, in the process, I don't cry anymore to that song. But that song saved me in ways he'll never know. I finally knew what he meant when he spoke to me through his music.

When I was younger, I always had imaginary friends. I used to talk to myself, and other kids found that strange. I grew up with a single mom. I never had anyone else to talk to. What else was I supposed to do? I couldn't do anything though. I was bullied throughout all elementary school. I was made fun of for my weight, bangs, clothes, and face. Many kids knew my life, the life outside of school. My dad committed suicide and everyone had to know my business. My mother told everyone that stepped foot into our life, giving them a warning. All the parents talked to their kids attempting to pity me. I was 4 years old and starting kindergarten and a 5-year-old asks me, "Why did your dad die?" I broke down into tears. There wasn't sympathy, only torture. The bullying never stopped at just elementary school. Middle school was the worst years of my life. All I knew was bullying, I can't possibly have any friends. And oh boy was I right. I had friends, but were they the people I thought they were? My mental health started deteriorating, almost killing me. My own best friend went against me, using all my trauma to shame me. I thought he cared about me, how could he do this? No one cared about me only themselves. Why should I keep living? What's my purpose? All I knew is that I wasn't meant to be here. I tried taking my own life from my body of flesh, it's finally over. At least I thought it was. My purpose wasn't fulfilled yet, my attempt never worked. After countless tries of trying to kill off my purpose, I continued to fail. Everyone knew about me deciding it was my time to leave and the bullying got worse. I was called vulgar names no child should say to another. No one cared about my feelings, only themselves. I didn't want to be alive anymore, I was so sick and tired that I couldn't bare the thought of being here anymore. It wasn't my time yet, I had to fulfill my purpose, and that's exactly what I did. I found out about paganism and wicca, deciding it was a spiritual purpose I wanted to be a part of. I became a wiccan and found my voice. I started understanding who I was as a person. I knew I always wanted to be a social worker. I figured out I had many gifts that not many people open themselves up to. Despite all the weird looks I would get, I stopped caring. I started realizing I am intuitive, I am a healer, and I'm here to help others. I found out abut my psychic gifts through this time and all the potential I had. I never knew I was thing strong and could overcome the public humiliation that I was going through. I never knew I could overcome the bullying that almost led me to death. I never blame others for the way they treated me, but I do thank them to this day. If I never went through the trauma that made me the person I am today, I never would've found my purpose. I hope the people who tried everything to break me are healing themselves now. I hope they're in a better place mentally. I'm going to become a social worker to become the support system I didn't think I had. I'm going to make change onto the world and help as many people as I can.

Growing up I had to learn how to love myself before I can love others. I may have not always followed this rule, but the rule I did follow was helping others. I was always that annoying kid asking you 4 times a day, "Are you okay?" "Are you sure you're okay?" You're probably thinking I was the most annoying kid ever. Which part of that is true, but I cared more than others. I never wanted to see anybody sad, it made me sad. I'm an empath and I strongly feel that way. I can always feel how others are feeling. I'm a strong believer in my opinions and rights and no one deserves to be treated as if they aren't a human being. When I see something wrong, I'm the first person to be in your corner. I was never treated as fairly as I would like when I was a child. I felt as if no one was in my corner. That's why I'm going to be the first one in yours because I know how lonely it feels. There was many people I saw growing up not just being bullied, but not having as much as I could. I never grew up living lavishly, but I had a roof over my head and food. While going to catholic school my whole life, I always had to have service hours. I didn't just complete my hours because I had to, but because I wanted to. I love seeing the smiles on people's faces when I could be a joy in their life. Being the reason someone smiles is the best feeling in the world. Many have lost their smiles and the life in them. The life gets sucked out so easily because you're so burnt out. I'm not gonna let that continue any longer. I'm going to become a social worker and help others the way the system failed them. I'm going to become a social worker to make families and children feel safe and secure. I'm going to become a social worker to resolve and make a change to this world. Being a social worker isn't just helping people but building connections. I'm not doing my job just to get paid, but to make an actual change to this world. The system has failed many families and children. Not even just the less fourtunate, but the children who struggle with mental health. The adults who struggle with mental health. What about them? Just because their a child doesn't mean they're overreacting, they're hurting. Just because someone's an adult doesn't mean we shouldn't listen and hear them. They're not failures, they're struggling. I'm going to help the system change. I'm going to fight for what's right. I didn't just choose social work because it comes off as "easy". There's a misconception that all you do is sit there and listen to people talk about their problems. That's all wrong, it's much more. As I'm going to always be listening to you, I didn't choose social work just to do nothing. I want to help you. I want to change the world. I want to be the impact that is ready to make the system known as failing others. I want to change the world.

Growing up I was always the first kid to notice every detail. I was the first person to notice that new hair cut you got last Tuesday. I have an amazing memory, still to this day. I was the first person to remember the due date. As I was always praised of an amazing "gift" It wasn't just a gift, but a curse. I struggled with the remembrance of the most gruesome, but heartachingly day of my life. My father, Randy Palozzi, an almost God like man. He had the kindest heart and soul that I never saw in anyone, but myself. I was my father, but my actions never were. My father struggled with the disease of addiction, it took over his life. He dragged himself down the abyss as he took us down with him. Struggling with bipolar and addiction, the abyss took him down. May 7th, 2008 my father sat himself in the white tiled bathroom room, holding the needle to his own pic line. 2 years old, beady eyes, pink fur jacket, my little brown boots. I stared him in the eyes as he looked at my soft forest brown eyes. I see my father collapse and that's when I did too. Running to my crib, hiding from what I just saw. "The heroin killed him" As the physical aspect may have killed him, his own mental killed him. I can still remember the horrifying screams my mother gave. She just saw her own daughter witness her father's suicide. This affected me long term in many ways I didn't think they would. My father was an addict, but a writer. He had the most beautiful soul that could represent when written on paper. His writing wasn't enough to help him, and that's why I was born. I was born to understand and to help others the way they couldn't help themselves. I struggled many times with my mental health and diagnosis's I could never understand myself. I'm an empath and can easily understand someone when they feel as if they can't understand themselves. Knowing addicts and being around them, I've grown to understand their actions. There's many misconceptions that drug addicts are bad people. My father wasn't a bad person, but someone who couldn't fathom his own pain that he projected it onto others. Part of me has a fear that I could turn into him, but I plan to help people like him. I'm going to become a social worker and I'm going to help others. My father couldn't be helped because he didn't want it, but I was sent here for a purpose. My purpose is to bring out the best in people while helping them. As I struggled with mental health and still do, many social workers helped me in a place and time where I couldn't. They saved my life and taught me lessons I never would've known without them. I wish my dad could still be here to see the woman I'm becoming. Part of him lives on within me as he guides me through the darkest days. He wrote a book called, "My Passage." And as Randy was never able to finish the story, I'm going to finish it for him. I'm going to change the world no matter how many battles I've faced. Randy will always be known as my father and I'll always be his 'Georgia Peach."