I am about to attend Salve Regina University in the fall, however I have run into financial problems along the way. Although I have gotten scholarships and grants from the school, I am unable to attain a student loan for the rest of my tuition. Both my parents have very low income and do not have the credit in order to be my co-signer for a private student loan. There is no one else who is able to co-sign for me so I am desperately trying to get all the money I need in order to pay for college. I am working around the clock and I am so close to meeting my goal. With this scholarship it will bring me that much closer to achieving my goal and allow me to attend my college in the fall.

As I stared at the faintly flickering LED sign above me, I could not help but feel as if it was me barely clinging onto the diminished light inside, petrified to be left in the darkness. I could no longer comprehend what was being said, my mother’s words sounding like a television that had lost signal. I was incapable of moving, unable to walk into what felt like my prison. I was being suffocated by the smell of artificial butter and old velour as my mother dragged me across the old, stained filled nylon carpet. We approached the figures standing by the ticket booth and I could no longer choke back the sadness gathering inside me. We sat there watching a movie with an animated bear, and I had never felt so much discontent. Sitting there I hid behind my hat, refusing to remove it, too scared to even catch a glimpse of those my mom dared to call “our new family”. I was unable or unwilling to accept that my old life was gone, the life with just my mother, father and sister, the life untouched by outsiders such as those sitting beside me. How could these people ever be my step family, let alone my family? That night, when we returned back to our small apartment I could do nothing but stare at my chipping eggshell white wall. Sleep had not made its entrance and I could do nothing but think of the life I was about to lose, my father's words echoing in mind “nothing will be the same”. I was scared to lose my friends that I had loved for so many years in the inevitable move, terrified that my relationship with my father would begin to chip away, but mostly petrified to enter a territory I was unfamiliar with. I had no idea who these people were, their mindset or their views. Would they accept me and my need to perfect everything I do or would they shun me for being reserved and shy? That night was full of anxious and pessimistic thoughts, but what I had failed to acknowledge was the astounding positives that could come from this change. I had not thought about the new relationships I would create with those who would help me grow into the person I am today. How my experience with those more broken around me would encourage my path towards psychology. How my step dad would push me towards my goals, or how I would discover my voice in theater. I had come to a realization that this was one of the best things that had happened to me including all the sorrow and hardships that occurred afterwards. I’ve gone through my own battle with my mental health and I have seen so many of my loved ones as well, many of whom I would have never met if not for this moment. I may not have discovered my passion for psychology, my passion to help those suffering with their own mental health if not for this change. I may not have realized that even within the darkness there is light and perhaps I can also help bring that light to others. I am no longer the shy frightful girl who was ignorant to change. Rather I am full of hope for the future and the change I am about to experience. I will never discourage change nor will I be scared because although there may be hardships there will also be growth that I will continue to embrace.

"The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease forever to be able to do it." This quote is taken from one of my favorite childhood books, Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie. I was always the quiet child growing up, I made friends, but not many and not easily. I always felt as if I didn't belong and even when I was very young I began to use books as a sanctuary. Books were a place in which I could escape the real world and lose myself in a made up one. A book that was very important to me was Peter Pan because my mother would often read it to me when I was little. This quote is not just important to me because of the book in which it comes from, but because this quote holds true to my life even now. I am an anxious person, who has lots of self doubt. Once I begin to think I can not do something then these thoughts and words begin to gain truth and I let myself my drown before I even try to swim. Often I will go to my books and realize that the hero can not save the day if they were too scared to try or if they gave up half way through. Great books are written about those who persisted, who believed that as long as they tried they could save those they loved, overthrow the evil king, or overcome their own demons. That is why this quote holds so much weight in my life, because even as a child I was told to believe, not in magic, but in myself. Anyone can give up and think themselves "not good enough", but once you begin to shed this self doubt put on by so many you can begin to accomplish great things. I have to remind myself not to give up and to not doubt myself because I am capable of more than I could ever imagine. Yes, I may forget this at times, so I will come back to Peter Pan and remember that doubt will only destroy.

“I can’t do this anymore!” Those words rang in my head as he hung up. I knew he was struggling with depression, but I didn’t know what to do. I knew if I did nothing this story would have a much worse ending so I contacted everyone I could. I tried to get in contact with his friends, but had no luck. I called his brother and various family members, but again no luck. So instead my friend and I drove around various spots he goes when he needs to be alone. We searched everywhere and could not find him. We found out he left work early, this only made me more anxious. I had no idea what to do and right when I was about to call the police I got a call from his mother. He was fine and I could finally catch my breath. I had never felt so helpless, so out of control in my life. All I’ve ever wanted to do is help those I love and when I was unable to do that I felt worthless. I knew it was not my fault for what happened that day, but I could not shake the feeling of dread that permeated my soul. It was not the first time one of my friends was close to suicide. Many of my friends and family members struggle with their mental health. It is heart breaking to watch those you love most in this world experience this pain. It is even worse when you can not do anything about it because you do not have the knowledge in order to help them. This experience and the many others I’ve had in my life time have shown me that I never want to be clueless to what is going on in my friends or family’s brains and lives. I don’t want to feel helpless or worthless because I do not pertain the knowledge in order to help those who are struggling with their mental health. This is why I have decided to go down a path of psychology. I hope to one day be able to help many others. I am looking to get my PhD in psychology and use this to both bring awareness to various mental health issues our world is struggling with on a day to day basis and help those who are struggling with their day to day life because of their mental health. I would also like to use my study of psychology to help those who have escaped from the clutches of human trafficking. Human trafficking is horrific and is all around the world and so many struggle with the aftermath of these horrendous situations. I would like to help counsel those who have been trafficked and even set up an organization for those who have, in order to help them live out their lives with peace and happiness. These aspirations I have for myself and the world have been given to me by those I love the most. I never want to see anyone suffer and if I can help just a singular person then I know I am making the world at least a tiny bit better.