I’m Indigo and I’ll admit, being asked to tell others about myself always makes me hesitate. For one, I’m human, meaning I’m complex as is. There’s so many qualities, skills, and just overall areas within me — some of which is hard to explain. So much to say but yet, nothing to say at all. However, I’ll start where the life of athletics began with it. I grew up in a single-parent household, though fortunately I never had to struggle to live. My mom provided the basics and way beyond to support and give to my siblings and I. That being said, my mom was willing to support the various hobbies I picked up as I grew. At the start, I was into dancing and gymnastics, which many don’t see as a sport. For me, though, I can digress as it takes a lot of flexibility and pushing your physical limits. It wasn’t until I was 14 that my interests shifted, in the form of track & field. When I found out there was a sport dedicated to the art of speed, I was enthralled by it. I trained through the Rhare Breed program, which I’m very grateful for. I ran track from my freshman year to my junior year in high school. And though I had good seasons and put good effort into my sport, my drive to keep going with eventually died out. After months of contemplating, I quit running track and decided my route should go elsewhere. Now, a new sport that’s taken me by storm: flag football. Ironically, I was originally supposed to be graduating early, meaning I wouldn’t have had the chance to experience it. However, I stuck around for my senior year of high school. No doubt, I love flag football is stronger more every other sport I’ve played. I enjoy all the girls I play with and have developed relationships with. My brilliant coaches, some who play on USA Flag Football teams, have been such helpful mentors as well. My life as an athlete has definitely changed my future and how I see the world. Through sports, I grasped the importance of teamwork while also striving to be the best at what I do. I hope to take flag football to a college level and maybe even beyond that. One thing I do remember, however, is that I’m a *student*-athlete — which means my academics have always and will always come first. My initial career goal was to be a psychiatric nurse practitioner, which I’ll gladly be sticking to. At least now, an athletic career could be included in my future and can serve as the more active part of it. Despite the major role athletics serves in my life, there are other interests that have captivated me. I love to bake, just as much as I did as a child. I also love to read, which for some reason surprises many people based off of “the way I look and come off”. I’d say writing is really my vice, as it’s completely up to you to decide what a piece of text can consist of. Anything I wish to say can be written down without a thought. I said all of this to say that I love being an athlete and everything that comes with it. I love my ability to emphasize and maintain wisdom. By the end of this, I can even say I have a better understanding as to who I am and how to relay it. I’ll ask you now though: do you know who you are?

The idea of mental health itself growing up was seriously taboo, something I’ve observed within a lot of black families. So when I started to find myself facing some mental health struggles, I had no idea how to exactly go about them. The common way I’ve observed it being dealt with is by simply sweeping it underneath the rug. That being said, I started to have some issues when I was 10 years old. My dad had hurt my siblings and I both physically and emotionally, and I also dealt with some emotional trauma at the hands of my mom. Things didn’t hit the fan, with full force at that, until I was nearing the age of 14. I was in a toxic relationship and could just feel my state crumbling by the day. Most say it’s not even considered dating at that age — I say otherwise though. My sleep was worse than ever, I began to eat less, I started self-harming, the usual signs that someone is struggling mentally. The years of unresolved trauma paired with current issues at home, COVID-19, and an unstable girlfriend boiled over until I crashed out. On February 6, 2021, two months before my 14th birthday, I had my first suicide attempt. To me, it was all so sudden. Even more so, dying wasn’t even the outcome I desired — I just wanted to drink the night’s issues away and deal with them the next day. I went from drinking on the phone while arguing with my girlfriend, to blacking out and later gaining consciousness to a doctor saying they’re gonna have to place me on a 51/50 hold. Talking to multiple medical professionals and later being diagnosed with depression really took a toll on me. All the time that followed after my attempt was nothing short of difficult. In fact, I’d say it got drastically worse from there before I saw improvements. I had numerous attempts between the day after first suicide attempt and around the summer of 2022. I was hospitalized in a psychiatric facility in November of 2021, after saying all the “right” words to a school therapist. Needless to say, what I witnessed there isn’t something I’ll be able to forget anytime soon. And it was in there when I got formally diagnosed with depression (again) along with some new disorders; Self-harming and drug especially became damaging sources of relief for me. I went weeks without being sober, could only go days without reaching for a blade to get a quick cut in. Despite all of what I’ve had to go through, I guess it all really says something if I’m still here. Through the aid of therapy, medications, and personal research, I began to find less self-destructive coping mechanisms to deal with the issues I faced at hand. It wasn’t a straightforward process, and it took months before I gained some that worked the most efficiently for me. The ones I’ve found to be the most beneficial is music therapy, art therapy, sports, and grounding. I’ll put emphasis on music and sports since they’re things I’ve grown up around and actively utilize today. And now, when I think about my future goals, I wish to use my story to aid others who struggle with managing their mental health. I know the feeling of not wanting to be alive, to go on without support for a long period of time. Nobody deserves to deal with mental health alone, and I hope in by becoming a psychiatric nurse practitioner, that I can make people’s health a little easier to manage.

I’ll just say this first, my brother died before I was born. Dana would’ve been 30 in September this year, nearly 13 years older than my seventeen-year-old self right now. So, I never actually got the chance to get to known him. That, alone, weighs heavy on me. He was 6, too young to be snatched away and too soon before he could even begin to really experience life. On the brighter side, I have boys who are like older brothers to me, most of which are actually my twin brother’s friends. Nonetheless, Dana means as much to me as the siblings I have who are currently alive. One thing I had to do to cope, the most critical at that, was to accept the fact that he was gone and I wouldn’t see him. It was a hard pill to swallow, especially first learning about my dead brother as a young child. From there, I’ll draw sunflowers when I think of him and get down some. Other times, I’ll listen to my mom tell stories about him and observe pictures of him to make me feel better. There’s two ways I’ll carry on his legacy, big and small. From a small perspective, his number was 14 in three sports: basketball, football, and baseball. I choose to represent that by having 14 on my own jerseys, by doing little things like having 14 hoodies in one area of my closet or counting the 14 steps of the stairs in my home each time I walk up and down them. And from a larger perspective, I’ll do what he wasn’t able to do. I’ll grow up, pursue a career that I desire, touch success with humbleness and grace. I’ll continue to work hard towards all that I wish to do, and I’ll continue to honor my brother’s name in everything I do. Despite the amount of times I’ve wanted to do nothing by go reunite with him, I’m sure he wouldn’t want that of me. He’d probably want for me to do good for myself. And I strive to do just that. At the end of the day, I not only do what I do for him, but for myself.

With a single parents household comes a multitude of circumstances. My parents divorced when I was three, so it’s just been my siblings and I with our mom for over 10 years. I’d say the biggest obstacle, of course, was not having my dad around as much. Seeing my peers have such close relationships with their dads, made me struggle to accept the reality of the relationship I had with my dad. It impacted the way I viewed my dad, the way I viewed dads in general. Our bond was strained for years, but there’s been some improvement recently. Within my household, I can’t actually say I struggled financially on a higher degree despite only having my mom. She’s a hard worker, or as my siblings and I like to call her, a baller or a “sweaty try-hard”. But that’s not to say shouldering the responsibilities of two parents was easy for my mom, because it wasn’t. I knew it because she would complain about the bills being too high because I left the lights on too long. I knew it because at times, she projected her frustrations of having to be a single parent, onto me. Sometimes, they projected so much that I didn’t consider my home a safe space at one point. It hurt, and I often felt guilty even though said frustrations were simply out of my control. I at least knew where it was coming from, though. Now with sports, I’ll admit I wasn’t always interested into them. But when I developed that interest, it definitely served as an escape for the issues within my household. I started off with different forms of dance like ballet and hip hop, as well as gymnastics; some agree that those aren’t considered sports, but I digress. It wasn’t until the end of 8th grade that I actually took a sport seriously. Ironically, this was also when my mental health was at its worst. For me, it was track and field. I joined track with nothing but under a year’s worth of training, but my drive to win and the wheels to back it up carried me through. I ran my freshman and sophomore year, before deciding to do throwing my junior year. However, I notice the spark I had with track & field had died out. I didn’t feel the same excitement I originally felt walking onto the track. Instead of “Finally its time to practice.” and “Im excited for my track meet!”, it was “I wish practice would just get cancelled for once.” and “I’m just ready for reason to be over!”. Recently, I’ve decided to pick up flag football. I’m already athletic and it’s the first time my high school has offered it, so I decided it wouldn’t hurt to try out. Now looking back on it, I’m glad I did. Not only do I have the ability to excel in flag football it’s something I seriously enjoy. The spark I feel now is more than what I felt with track. As I write this, I never actually realized how much sports has helped me maintain some sense of stability until now. I hope that by taking on the role as an athlete, I can inspire others to utilize sports as a coping mechanism for rough circumstances they might face in life.

Since I was young, I’ve always acknowledged that two traits of mine were a gift: empathy and wisdom. I believe those are key for having a role in the nursing field. Said traits are also a major reason as to why I decided to pursue a career in the medical field, especially nursing. I’ve often been called selfless since I never hesitate to help others. Whether I got something in return or not, the feeling of knowing I made something a little easier for another person, always sits well with me. I’ve also witnessed many people around me suffer from medical issues, physically or mentally. Seeing that when I was so young hit me much harder than it does now. I knew I had such little power to do anything, even though I wanted to do so much. Those moments fueled my want to pursue nursing. Perhaps, another important factor that inspired by desire to make a path in the nursing field is because there’s a severe lack of them. More specifically, there’s a lack of black nurses and even further, black female nurses. Researching on how people like me aren’t given the adequate treatment because of stereotypes or personal prejudice, made me aware that having a role in the nursing world is critical. In a way, though, I understand why that’s the case. Being a nurse can be emotionally tasking and demanding, it often involves working long hours, and the people you come across on the job can make or break your experience. But even taking those into consideration, I don’t allow it to being me any doubts about my desired career. I’ve faced my own issues in the past, which I feel has made it easier for me to deal with hardships now. With nursing and I, the benefits and outcomes will outweigh the problems I may come across as a nurse practitioner. So now the question may come in, where does a scholarship tie into all of this? Why should I be awarded this scholarship? When I look at the long run, I realize that nothing will actually be guaranteed along my journey to becoming a psychiatric nurse practitioner. That applies especially to colleges, with full-ride scholarships and grants. Keeping that in mind, I know I’ll have to take extra steps to earn money for college. It’ll be able to cover costs that I won’t have to worry about, like new supplies for a college course or even for food. No matter the amount, every dollar counts in my process. It all counts towards my mission of making a difference in the field of nursing. I can’t say I deserve this award more than any other person that applies, but I can say I’ll make efficient use of the money I could earn. I can also say I’ll accept it with grace, since opportunities like earning scholarships don’t come easy.

The one anime series that I can confidently say I can watch over and over again is Attack on Titan. Though it wasn't the first anime series I ever watched, it was the one that really got me into the genre. One of the most compelling ideas of it is that there is no "heroes" or "villains", just people who are two sides of the same coin. Some might say Eldians were the victims because they were constantly patronized by Marleyans. Others might say Marleyans are the victims since their worlds were stomped on during the Rumbling. But in my eyes, I'd say they're both the victim and the perpetrator. I find the ability to capture these concepts very impressive. Every single time I rewatched it, I would always discover things I hadn't noticed before. Perhaps the most favorite thing about Attack on Titan is the endless plot twists that happen throughout the show. Unlike other anime series, the twists were one I would've never seen coming no matter how much I tried to analyze what I watched. I think Attack on titan can set a solid ground for people who want to get into anime, specifically shonen, but just doesn't know where to start. If I had the chance to experience the first time I had ever seen it, I absolutely would. Attack on Titan proves that people will do what it takes to accomplish their goals, no matter what they have to sacrifice.

My experience with mental has completely changed my life and everything there is to it. For one, I didn't grow up my entire life struggling with it. The concept of it was swept under the rug anyway so even if I did struggle with it, I don't think I would've been able to handle it as well. The issues really started to arise around the age of 9-10. I had my experiences of various forms of abuse, low-self esteem, and being surrounded by toxicity. I did end up attempting suicide a few times and self harmed for a couple years. After finally coming to terms with the fact that I was struggling, I finally got the courage to reach out to my mom. Now granted, that only ended up happening because she found out about suicide attempt through my dad and grandma. Ever since then, I would be lying if I said my experiences with mental health has been easy. There's been lots of trial and error. However, my own experiences opened my eyes to fact that there's many people suffering mentally just like me. My journey influenced me to want to take on mental health as a career, helping whoever I can. I began to speak out about the dangers of not addressing mental health over my social media accounts. I don't wish for others to be ignorant about it like I was a few years ago. My relationships have also definitely been impacted by my mental health. In fact, it put all of them to the test. My experiences allowed for me to see who would stick around throughout my mental health journey, who would be able to help pick me up when I fell, who could put me back in check when I started slipping. Of course, the work mainly has to come from me though. When I look at it from a world perspective, I understand that mental health is a factor in so many occurrences that I've witnessed world wide. This can include shootings, moving far away from home, abuse, and more. I realized there's a heavy amount of stigma around mental health, usually being very negative. I want to combat against, to make people realize that mental health isn't a bad thing. Mental health shouldn't be treated like the scum off the bottom of someone's shoe or that it simply doesn't exist. Mental health is real just like any other forms of health, and it should be equally cared for as anything else. Without my mental health experiences, my ability to be aware wouldn't be so great. Though I wish I didn't have to experience certain things in my life, I do understand they're all going towards a bigger purpose. It opened my eyes to the world of mental health and now, I wish to do the same for others.

My name is Indigo, a 16 year old black student from Rancho Cucamonga, California. You can say I'm a double minority, with me being both black and LGBTQ+. I've always had a penchant for helping those around me while also trying to make sure I help myself as well. My career goal is to be a psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner. With me being who I am, I can say I've had quite the journey regarding my mental health. I've had suicidal ideologies in the past, which i believes fuels my desire to take on the career I want. To this day, I'm still working on trying to keep it up to par. I also realize that within both the African American and LGBTQ+ community, mental health is one of the biggest concerns that I feel needs to be focused on more. I don't want to say that I deserve this scholarship, as if I'm entitled to winning it. I believe anyone is just as capable and good enough as me to receive this scholarship. For me, though, I know I'll make good use of this scholarship. I know there's plenty of things that comes with colleges that scholarships can help with. This includes books, a new computer, backpack, necessities to get myself through college. Because of the identity I have in America, I understand that I have to try a little harder than the rest to acquire my wants and needs. The biggest reason as to why I chose my career field is because of my own experiences. As stated above, I've had a battle with my mental health for some time. I have been diagnosed with a few disorders in the past, with Bipolar I and PTSD being two of them. That being said, I can take all that I've learned along the way and use it to help others. Mental health isn't something to be taken lightly; not caring for it can have life-threatening effects. I'm a suicide attempt survivor myself, too. So I almost feel entitled to help others so they won't go down the same route as me. Of course, there's a plethora of ways to go about maintaining decent mental health. But if there's a chance I can make a difference in someone else's life in the mental health field, I'll go out of my way to make that happen. I would've wished that I had received help sooner, but I'm glad I got it at some point over having to suffer alone. This scholarship will aid in my steps towards being a mental health nurse practitioner. I won't stop at anything to make sure I can make an impact in the field.

Ever since I was a kid, I've always showed an interest in the medical field. My shift to nursing specifically just happened recently actually. I went from wanting to be a pediatrician, to a cardiologist, gynecologist, and now a nurse. More specifically, I'm actually interested in pursuing a career in mental health nursing, considering mental health is a big factor in my life that I constantly care for. Through my career, I hope to use my experiences and abilities to empathize and work hard, to serve a purpose in the work field. As a minority, I feel like I owe it to myself and others to make an impact on the medical world. Even if it's a rather small impact or doesn't do much at all, I can go on about life knowing I feel proud of what I do. When I connect nursing to the real world, I realize that many people around me fail to adequately nurse themselves. A lot of my family members have health issues, ones that can actually be managed and even avoided. I want to promote taking care of yourself to prevent future pandemics. My plan to do so includes having workshops to teach people the importance of staying safe through pandemics, making videos to interact with people who might be currently living through a pandemic, and providing resources that can go towards prevent pandemics. I believe there's many measures people can take to prevent them - washing their hands, wearing a mask, making sure they aren't cross-contaminating between different products, and the list honestly goes on after that. Looking back at the Covid-19 pandemic for example, I noticed interesting actions and thoughts from my peers during that time. There were people who didn't believe Covid-19 even existed and in the case that they did, just didn't take it that seriously. It contributed to the pandemic worsening, whether they actually realized it or not. I want to try to find methods to make sure it's not likely to happen again. Now realistically, I don't think a pandemic is 100% avoidable since circumstances always break through to cause them. But, I firmly believe that if I go out of my way to find solutions to them that they'll be less likely to happen in the future. One thing I keep in mind, though, is that I'm sure I can't execute my entire plan alone. I understand I might need assistance in accomplishing my goals. But overall, I have faith in myself that I can make a difference in the nursing world and fight back against health issues that threatens human life.