During my junior year, I faced domestic violence from my ex-partner and verbal abuse from his mother right after the situation had ended. Without closure and without justice, I felt alone and misunderstood. Even though my family and friends were there to listen to me, I still felt like I had no one who understood what I was going through, and I felt like I had no way out. For months, I grew numb to everything and ended up going back to him. From an outside perspective, I always thought the girl was so stupid to go back to someone who put them through so much. However, as I was in the same situation as those “stupid girls,” I realized why they went back, which is ultimately unexplainable. At this time, I lost my identity, forgot who I was and all that I stood for, and forgot my sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, mental health is not taken as seriously in the Black community and is often overlooked, which made me feel even more in a dark hole, but it also made me question if I could rely on God.
After praying for a way out, I eventually lost interest in my ex and began to reclaim my identity. Not too long after I started to feel better, my best friend at the time had turned her back on me for no evident reason. We talked about the situation and each other’s perspectives, and she admitted that she misunderstood the situation. However, she still planned for me to get jumped by her other friends and allowed them to talk about my mother, even considering all my family had done for her.
During my whole junior year, I felt vulnerable. It was marked by vulnerability, loss, and a growing sense of betrayal. I lost some of the most important people in my life. I felt the world turning against me more and more each day. I withdrew from social activities, stopped eating, and lost trust in people. The summer of 2023 felt like days of misery, as I was overwhelmed by suicidal thoughts. Having previously experienced depression after the loss of my grandmother, whom I considered a mother figure, I attempted suicide by taking large doses of unknown medications but fortunately sought help in time. This time, however, the pain was ten times worse, making sleep and calming my suicidal thoughts impossible.
After months of fighting the commitment to end my life, I told my parents what I had been going through, called a suicide hotline, and had sessions with a therapist. I realize now that after all of these obstacles, my faith in God was strengthened as He proved to me that He hears me and sees me, and I am indeed, not alone. With faith and time, I became the best version of myself. My experiences have motivated me to carry strength into everything I do and help other people avoid my feeling of hopelessness by putting a smile on their faces every day, fueling my determination to carry strength into all I do and to help others avoid feelings of helplessness by spreading positivity and encouragement. Even though I did not expect it to, my encouragement became acknowledged, and I was chosen by my school community to receive the Student of the Month Award for sisterhood. Additionally, during the Senior Awards Ceremony for graduation, I was chosen for the Carondelet Leadership Award for demonstrating “exemplary leadership qualities, commitment to community service, and a positive impact on their peers.” The award acknowledges my ability to “inspire, organize, and lead initiatives that contribute to the betterment of the school community.”
Even though I struggled at some point in time academically, I still persevered and was awarded the highest graduation cord that resembled my 4.05 cumulative GPA. I got into my dream school, North Carolina A&T State University, and will be attending there in the Fall. My experiences have only motivated me to take steps forward and positively impact those around me, ultimately making my relationships with others stronger.
To begin turning my future career aspirations into reality as an FBI Criminal profiler, I will be majoring in Criminal Justice. My passion for becoming an FBI Criminal Profiler was strengthened when I became a victim of domestic abuse. I found myself fighting for justice to get back what I felt emotionally and physically. However, even through this unfortunate experience, God enabled me to realize what He expects of me and how I can utilize the abuse I went through to appeal to the vulnerability of other victims and their families. Being a victim of violence furthered my desire to seek justice for other victims since I was not able to experience it myself.
Ultimately, my mental health journey has taught me the profound truth behind the cliché, “You never know what people go through.” This understanding drives me to be open and supportive, allowing others to confide in me. My experiences have not only shaped my goals and strengthened my relationships but also deepened my compassion and resolve to make a positive impact on the world around me. I am blessed beyond measure to be able to turn my obstacles into footstools.