I was blessed to grow up in a Christian home and with an extended family that loves the Lord. Someone who has been particularly influential faith journey is my granddad. Although my granddad is no longer with us, his faith legacy lives on and still inspires me today. My story is unique to my eyes and ears, but I believe that it is probably more relatable amongst members of the church than expected. I say my story is unique because I am a Christian who was raised “right”, had faithful support, and yet, still fell away. Now when I say I fell away I don’t mean in the typical ways we hear about people falling away from their faith. I never got angry with God because of a tragic event, I didn’t leave the faith, , and I didn’t pursue other belief systems. Where I ‘fell away’ was in my pursuit of greater intimacy and relationship with the Father. Let me take you to the beginning and walk you through briefly my rollercoaster journey. My story ignites me today and provides me with a testimony I intend to continue sharing until called home. It’s the highest of highs and lowest of lows that have showed me the realness and incomparable nature of Christs unconditional love and mercy. It has given me a fire for the Lord that I can only pray I am able to explain. This fire lit within me for Christ is so wild and intense I pray it shines out and touches everyone I meet, as well you my lovely reader.
It starts at age four, right as my mom says goodnight to me, tucking me in. In this moment I became filled with the Holy Spirit, saved forever. I prayed the prayer of salvation and accepted Jesus into my heart. Jesus, my first love, knocked and I heard Him. I started to develop a deeper understanding of the gift of His presence through my many moves as a child. I moved every 2-4 years throughout childhood, and this has continued through my college career. Continually being the new kid came with anxiety and rejection, but also strength, courage and spiritual maturity. There was a peace in the chaos that I knew came from My Father who I was taught would “never leave me nor forsake me” so I took courage Joshua did. You see faith is believing what you don’t see, Hebrews 11:3 tells us that. I believed God was always with me and that I could have courage because He would be there with me and going out before to prepare the way. As David says in the Pslams, where can I go to escape His presence? The answer is nowhere! I believed His love before I saw it and then I started to experience it, living out the prayer of Paul in Ephesians. This got my heart bursting from the inside. I had a boldness I didn’t know I had. Bold, passionate, brave, admirable, loving, confident in the Lord, and honorable. These were the ways I described my granddad. He was a Gideon and I always admired his ability to draw people in through the way he loved on them and how he could share the gospel so boldly. My granddad was unapologetically a believer in Christ, and he was going to tell you the good news, not for himself but out of love for you. He had extreme steadfastness in his love and faith in Christ. I wanted to be just like my granddad, so when he gave me a set of Gideon Bible’s of my own I was nervous but also excited. I don’t remember specifically praying for strength, but I know I must have because the next thing you know I am sharing the gospel with the Jewish and Muslim girls in my elementary classes at recess. Now reading this you may be thinking, okay I am waiting to see where you “fell away” and that’s what I am going to be transitioning into now. You see, the enemy prowls around like a lion seeking whom he can devour. Our enemy, Satan, is extremely clever. He came for my identity, just as he did Jesus in the wilderness. The way I fell away was from little temptations, lies, and deceptions that led me further into compromise and seeking pleasure, acceptance and identity in the world. This caused me to focus less about stewardship and growing my relationship with Christ and more on my feelings, being liked and feeling important. The next thing you know I am living a life leading to destruction and have convinced myself while I believe in and love God, I didn’t the Bible because ‘people’ wrote it. Therefore, I was deceived into writing my own rules that led me into numerous bad decisions resulting in losing my academic scholarship that was paying for most of my school. It led me into practices in my relationships that left me feeling more broken and cast aside than I have ever felt in my life. During this chaos I never hated God, never stopping believing in Him but I stopped pursuing intimacy with Him and growing spiritually with Him. By not filling my mind and heart with the Word and seeking deeper intimacy with my Creator, I allowed Satan’s worldly influences to grow instead. When I grew intimate with the world, I felt more dead inside. I didn’t feel like a daughter of the King, I didn’t feel fearfully and wonderfully made, and I certainly didn’t feel like I was made for a purpose. Well, I did at times, but I felt I had messed my purpose up and couldn’t see a way out of my mess. But God! I was touched with such grace and mercy by my Father, it’s difficult to put to words. He saved me and pulled me out of my pit, and I don’t even recall asking for help. His grace, His mercy, His unconditional love for me is something I cannot find anywhere else. I was made new all over again. Cast your burdens on Him for He cares for you!
I am currently wrapping up my degree in neuroscience and biology and looking to pursue a master’s in applied behavior analysis. I want to bring my testimony to my everyday life as I saw my grandfather do. He was a contractor and lover, a valiant ambassador for Christ. He loved people everywhere he went and showed others the love of Christ through the way he treated them. He didn’t have a role such as a pastor in the church but he shared the gospel in everyday places, with every day people, during every day encounters. I want to make my workplace my ministry and share the gospel in all the areas of my life where people are involved. I was a college athlete for the first 3 years of my college career and when the Lord closed the door to that part of my life, He opened another, coaching. Through coaching volleyball, I have already been able to lead more girls and colleagues to Christ than I thought possible with the way I was living before. I have been able to steward my gifts for the Lord again and I hope to do that with the families and colleagues I will work with and around when I am in applied behavior analysis.
Winning this scholarship will help me make up for the consequences that came from falling into my pit. While I was a college athlete, much of my school was funded through academics. While I was spiraling, I chased worldly things to numb the pain of curse of rejection that was over me and it numbed attention to details in the process. Consequently, my GPA fell below the threshold for keeping my scholarship. While this was devasting, the Lord has given me new strength at Wayne State. After hitting rock bottom, I took a semester off before going back to school at Wayne State. After fixing my eyes on Jesus for redemption, restoration and guidance through the wilderness, I am pleased to say I have turned it around through Christ who lives in me. My first and most previous semester at Wayne State I made the Dean’s list and will be finishing my undergraduate career this summer semester with not one but two bachelor’s degrees and with a GPA that far surpasses what I needed for the scholarship I had at my previous school. The Lord meets us where we are, He never gives up on us. No pit is too deep for the Lord to pull you out of and I am walking proof. Romans 8:28 reigns true in my life and I will forever be focused on not only sharing the gospel but to share with current believers the authority and victory we have in Christ. It is never over for you; the battle is already won!