When you think of a better version of yourself, does that mean a changed version of yourself? When I think of being better, I used to picture myself as an unrealistic version of myself. It was a warped persona of me; however, it could never be me. I wanted to change who I was completely erasing every little trace of me. And it was not because I disliked who I was, but because others did not see who I was. They were not perfect themselves and constantly thought of their imperfections. By letting those thoughts get to their head, they only wanted to see perfection and tried to push it upon others. This led to my ideals being changed, and my goal changed to meet their standards of perfection. However, I never wanted to be perfected. It had never been my dream, but others. To be myself was the thing I desired most of all, but I could never have. As a child, it is hard to see things from the perspective of those who are more experienced. My parental figures left me questioning many things about my childhood. Why were boys so bad? Why couldn't I dress a certain way? Why did I have to live following every single rule? Weren't rules meant to be broken? They left me feeling quite sheltered. The feeling of being trapped in a cage left me shaken. Their words hurt more than anything. The older I got the more the criticism got out of hand. It had even occured at my previous high school. Many of my peers even questioned how I looked, and even how I acted. The way my hair was cut or who I hung out with always sparked conversations amongst those I knew. School turned into a place of dread as rumors would start to develop and even names would be called. The worst it had become were topics brought up about my body and confidential information. Sooner and later, it had become too much. Many of my own friends would not even tell the truth of the rumors and played it off to my face. That truly had hurt the most. I spiraled leading down to half decent grades, lots of skipped days, tardies, and even a few arguments with teachers. It led me down a dark path and my mindset left me numb and ragged. Over the course of 2 years, I had to plead for a therapist despite how scared I was of my own pain, and the fact that I was scared to ask for help. I was absolutely terrified that if I asked that my "perfect" image would be ruined. But it wasn't. It was not what everyone in my life had made it out to be. Even though I did not see a therapist like I wanted too. The real eye-opening moment had occurred, when my 11th science grade teacher took a step into my life and told me that what I needed most was to cut ties with those who can only bring me down. She was my support and like the parental figure that I needed. I could talk to her and share my hopes and ambitions. It made me realize that I was not alone, her situation was not like mine. However, to break away and do what we really needed to do in life was the driving factor behind our will to be on our own. She was not only my role model in that moment but the greatest person I could have ever met.

Graduating from a Military Academy, I can say that it is one of the most fortunate experiences in my life. Driven by discipline and honor, taught by veterans who had served, it changed a lot of my ideals and perspectives on becoming successful in what I hope to achieve. In fact, one of the reasons my area of study had shifted was due to taking a class at the academy. One of the many required natural science courses that were offered was Environmental Sciences. Environmental Science went over the damage the human population has currently caused to the natural environment, and the overall impact of pollution and our carbon footprint on our Earth. It was a study that allowed us to not only consider the impact of our own actions, but even the corruption of large corporate companies that distribute harmful wastes into the surrounding biomes. The class itself was smaller than most high school classes, and coming from a large public school, the change in class size was quite helpful. Teachers could focus on the lesson itself and each individual student. I felt that my relationship with my teacher was better than any previous relations I had and allowed me to appreciate the lesson. These types of classes were also not offered to me at any other school that I was able to attend, so it left me with a unique outlook on the environment around us. However, the class was not the only remarkable experience that affected my experience. Attending a military academy, there were aspects that made it quite different than public schools. For one, it was an all-uniform school that incorporated the basic military etiquette and the importance behind accomplishing the mission. Academics was vital, and by taking a military studies class it allowed me to gain firsthand experience with public speaking. To achieve higher levels of rank, which was the school's military ranking through Civil Air Patrol, completing speeches was a necessity. You would write an essay and present a well thought out speech in front of the teacher in order to achieve the rank of a cadet officer. Passing was an impressive achievement; however, failure was not made into a bad ideal. Failure was encouraged and to try again was always a must. At that school, not only had my public speaking improved but my writing skills as well as my problem-solving skills. Many projects involved younger classmates and being able to negotiate project details and assignments, increased the productivity and efficiency of the task. Essays and presentations flowed naturally, while I was allowed to practice and tailor my research towards topics of need. That had led me towards the development of today. After my graduation, the summer was spent working a part time job at a car wash in order to pursue a higher education. With my current background, I cannot afford to pay for all my tuition. My part time job was to cover certain expense while I spent my days looking into scholarships and applying for research projects/communities to work on my major of biological science. By applying to communities in college for the summer, it would allow me to enter college with an educational background in the sciences. The step forward would let me achieve a large step toward my goal of achieving a method of improving the world of medicine by developing cures from many of the plants in the rain forests of the Amazon. These plans are the hope and goal of my pursuit and have been the main purpose of the year.

It's funny. No one actually understands the meaning behind those words: ambition, drive, and grit. Most of the time, the people in our lives struggle themselves understanding it. In our lives, we all want to have these characteristics. For us, it is one of the driving factors necessary in life. Yet no one realizes how hard it is to think this way, and the obstacles those who have this mindset had to face. The drive is a dream, and the ambition is the story behind the dream. And the grit? The grit is the fight to make the dream no longer just a dream. Could I consider what I have a gritty mindset? I'm honestly not sure. Maybe I am a fool in the system and that system is our society. But I believe I'd be even more of a fool if I gave into the system's demands. Would I even be who I am if I stopped trying? Would I even be human? Everyone lives a different world, with support or the lack of support. With the support of my family, I could only go so far. Parents try to make the lives of their children better. Yet when I see mine, I realize they are still children themselves trying to move on in this world. So, every burden I take on myself. In school, the real challenge was math. After 2 years in COVID, I could never catch up to my peers. I felt embarrassed and a failure. It tormented me as I told all those that I could that I just did not understand. All those years, I was moved along from teacher to counselor just to be told study harder and ask for help. Those few months and years all spent asking for "help." Eventually it got to a point in my life where even my own peers pushed me away, I grew afraid to ask for help. It felt like a knot in my throat. A cold realization in my mind would replay daily, " I only achieved A's because I was nice." I was the "role model", so why should they worry about me? " Pass me along" they all said. My mindset grew quite dim during my Sophomore and Junior years where I gave up on myself just like so many on me. The first semester of my senior year was just as rough. I ended it a failure. Graduating in December of 2023, those first few months was the time that was needed the most. It was a time of self-reflection and improvement. Although it sounds silly to some, the internet and even social media helped a lot. I learned that there are so many skills that I can learn myself. One of these skills are finance. Taking the time out of my day, I scheduled videos where I would analyze the information and reiterate the important key points. It was after an inspiring quote I found by William James, " If you can change your mind, you can change your life." I know I lack in many aspects, however if I give up because I'm lacking it won't make any of my dreams come true. The focus over the course of the year was to break down my weaknesses and reinforce my strength. To acknowledge where we are weak is not a show of weakness it is a way for us to be aware of the first assets we can start changing. Somedays it would be rough, but realizing that there is so much I can do helped me go forward.

It is not talked about enough. And most people joke about it to get through the day. Nor is it widely accepted. If you're a woman that's being too emotional or sensitive. A man is told that "emotions" aren't real and a man shouldn't feel. Our society makes us feel such a way that our youth struggle to find themselves in a world that is so trapped by rules and "norms". It is similar with many older generations. When the youth have become more vocal, the older generation stays silent or silences others. It is not right, but not their fault either. Each generation is forced into these standards that doesn't allow us to grow or become our own person. In reality, it's the saddest thing to see. My own family struggles so much. As a little girl, I wished my mother was more understanding of my father who wanted to achieve the dreams he never could as a child. As a little girl, I wished my dad realized that my mother was never going to change how she was. Each of them struggled with their own mental health. It bottles up and turns into a vile feeling that lingers in our mind. That feeling seeps into my mind each night and day. I hate looking at the mirror, or even leaving the house. I know I want to love myself and I love the world. So where has my joy gone? In my little house, in my little room, in my own little world, I just wanted to feel a little bit alive. Now I've developed an extreme fear of the dark. I wonder if it's cause of how suffocating the dark is, just like my world feels around me. Sometimes I even wonder where did my childhood go? Where did that little innocent girl go? But the world will keep on going, and it does not wait for no one. I've become more aware though. The pains my mother and father felt. The times that I've been willing to sacrifice myself to make anyone happy, just so they wouldn't suffer like I do. Those vile thought that plague my mind. They haven't stopped, and I don't think they ever will. I had a plant of mine that I raised for almost 8 months. It died sadly a while back but it made me so happy. A little secret about plants is that they need love. They won't grow by just throwing a bunch of sun and water at it. You have to treat it with respect and care. With that love, it grows beautifully. Even on days, I was so broken and I couldn't care for it some days. It still stood there all green and tall. And that was okay. I realized the world would be fine if we weren't. Mental Health is an area I still struggle in. Each year, I don't get better. " Well you haven't gotten worse" the little voices say in my head. But I'm numb. I can't feel and the anger that burns in my chest fades away just as fast. I'm angry, but I'm dying inside. I'm faded like an old shirt. And that's okay. I think that's perfectly fine. I'm not ready to be "happy". I need is to accept me as me. I'm not perfect. My family is not perfect. My friends are not perfect. My co workers are not perfect. Neither are you. And that's okay. Friendships die out and new ones burn from the ashes. We lose people and ourselves. But we can find things in the ashes. It's okay to be sad, angry, and even numb. Our world will be okay, cause we are in it. So we got to accept that everything about us is beautiful. The funny thing is with goals and relationships is when one fails, another can sprout just as easily. I had a plant of mine that I raised for almost 8 months. It died sadly a while back but it made me so happy. A little secret about plants is that they need love. They won't grow by just throwing a bunch of sun and water at it. You have to treat it with respect and care. With that love, it grows beautifully. Even on days, I was so broken and I couldn't care for it some days. It still stood there all green and tall. And that was okay. I realized the world would be fine if we weren't. So if the sun still shines and the wind still blows? Why shouldn't we? Some friendships I had to let go of. And some goals I could no longer achieve. The relationship between my parents and I have become rocky. But I will always love them. But in order to find true happiness, at some point I have to put me first. How can we help each other when we can't even help ourselves? When I look at relationships with friends or family, I put the needs of both of us first. If one sacrifices for the other, no one is happy and it ruins the relationship that is there. In this world, we only live once. All my experiences allowed me to realize, that it's okay being who we are. It is also important to understand that our needs our important. This does not make us selfish but provides us with the ability to advocate for ourselves and our needs. We're all not okay, and that's the truth we have to realize. People do not need to be "fixed", but to come in terms with the reality and need to embrace our true self. Our feelings are valid, and everything we go through are an important truth we learn in life.

1. As a child, I've been told all my life that I'm an overachiever. It was words that flew over my head at the time. I'm a passionate dreamer who always had my heads in the clouds but a hardworker person. I was always stubborn and wouldn't let anyone deter me once I set my mind on something. In the 18 years of my life, I'm a stubborn lover of plants, animals, and our environment. With my knowledge and creative I'm looking to develop ways to improve our food, medicine, and environment for a better quality of life. The imagination is a gift that I have cherished as a child. Now with the drive, I'm putting my plans to action. My true motivation is getting the job done. We need change and it has to happen now. It can't wait another 10 years when our world is spiraling out of our control. We change faster than anything else. In order to do anything for the future, you have to learn from the past and act in the present. If I could imagine myself, it's be taking the steps needed for future generations. To lay down the steps needed so we don't pass down problems that could have been solved now. It could take years upon years of research and work, yet the struggle excites me. Let's make that progess, and get the mission done. The drive to go on is the motivation we all need to get that job done. 2. STEM majors are the type of people I look at and desire to be. A large community of people from all parts of the world that can come together to produce miracles. Some are shy, others are bold. Yet they can coexist and learn from each other. STEM has a vast majority of the hardest majors. It also produces exceptional women and men giving us insight to improve our world. STEM excites me by giving me a hope that one day I can be one of those people. There are goals that can be achieved and many life lessons I can learn. I hope STEM can teach me, and maybe I'll learn from the world around us as well. A job in information technology can offer me many things. For example, information is knowledge that is shared between a multitude of people. More knowledge means that everyone is provided with the information they need to actively apply it to real world situations. Computers and the software applications in those computers are an important source of data. It makes it easy to collect and send to the designated source. From personal experience, I've learned how to used computers as well as general coding sequences. The amount of vital data information technologies have allow important establishments to function. In this field, I would establish the value and importance of such facilities. As well as, sharing the knowledge I will grow to have to those ready to take on my role as they advance in their lives. 3. This world has challenges built in every shape and form. Truly, we receive no true peace. Every day is a challenge, whether we chose to face it or run away will always be on the individual. One of my most violent battles was the ones with my head and heart. Both powerful voices that not always agree. It was put to the test when I told my family the path I decided to take myself. Many weren't happy with my choice or field of work, and lots thought I would never succeed. My heart was torn, and I saw the faces of people that I thought I knew as though they were strangers. The thoughts in my mind was we can't lose the support of them. Logically, it is hard to succeed without a bit of backing. Yet, I knew my heart would not settle for this. Recently, I had gotten into UC Davis. The college of my dream. I was excited and thought finally something would go right. My parents diagreed with the very notion. The school was more expensive than any local college of mine, but a fresh start was what I needed. Ultimately, even I had to take back my admittance and decided on a college in my state. The field of my choice would not change, and that still wouldn't gain their approval. So I would pay for my college myself. Overall, I have half of my college paid for. But there is still anhefty sum left. With lots of time and application, I'm slowly getting scholarships. But it's not my end goal. With time and maybe the right audience, I'll be able to worry more about what I can do in the field of STEM. It's a hope and certainly a dream. But to pursue my dreams, it's a small price to pay.