You have bled in us and now we bleed… your greed for us comes at terrifying speed. "Don't you want to be a grown-up?" my caretaker said. I was 3. When you hop from abusive foster homes in Flint, Michigan, like hopscotch, you grow more mature than you realize. Now, I am not saying being mature at a young age is terrible, but it takes away your childhood. Maturity bleeds in all of us over time, but others may bleed faster. "Why don't you act like an adult, stupid child? Be like the older children here!" the 3rd caretaker shouted. I kept my head down, saying only 'yes ma'am, yes sir', taking the beatings like a champ. I was 4 years old then. I experienced what most children won't ever see in their lifetime, forcing me to mature at a very young age, and this was only the start of my journey to where I am now.
" Look, that's going to be your mother! Hopefully, she doesn't bring you back because you're a burden. I'm surprised you're still alive."
"Yes ma'am,"
" Ha! You keep saying that like you’ll earn anyone's respect in life. You're wrong, ugly child."
"Yes, ma'am" I whispered. I was the girl broken from birth with no love to guide her. I prayed to the gods that we cannot see, that this new 'Mother' would be a lot nicer. Thank the gods because she is the mother I have today. Soon after I was adopted, we moved to Jackson, and I started school at a charter academy. "Comparison is the thief of joy"- President Roosevelt. I was judged because I was always polite to the teachers. I let everyone have their way and children always whispered that I sounded like an adult. In first grade, I compared myself heavily to others. Now as a first grader, I thought it would get better over time and that was a lie I told myself. As one would know, it didn't get any better through my middle and high school years, but I learned that I don't need validation or acceptance from others to make me feel worthy of being myself. I've learned that sometimes people come into your life to help them get better and send them on their way. In this sense you are their healer, helping them fix what is broken and let them go. Don't hold on to the past because it will affect your future. The people that I have helped, turned out to be better versions of themselves. My one dear friend realized that I helped him get out of a situation that could have been a life-or-death. I would say to some that I have been their haven for them to heal and grow. I have dealt with pain and I do not wish to see others in a position I was in. I am from the demons that have shaped my past but shall not shape my future. But darkness brings the light, for what I am is what I Make Myself to be.