I like to think I’m quite the story teller, as life has handed me some epic tales so adventurous that I have no choice but to learn how to represent them correctly. This tale is one such epic, and it is centered around my best friend Gabe. Now, Gabe is by no means stupid. He has better grades then me and was raised in a household of intellectuals. That being said, when it comes to decision making he seems to be lacking. To phrase it best, he’s not dumb, he just acts dumb. This is one such example of him acting dumb. To set the scene, it was the summer of 2019, and we were both 15. We were at Boyscout summer camp, which was a week long trip we took with the Boyscout troop we were in together. At this camp, they had many events, but the one I will be focusing in a swim race. The camp had a lake and the race was over who could do two laps around the circumference of the lake. Now back to Gabe, he was a swimmer, and had been one for most of his life so naturally he decided he would participate in this race. Now anyone else would’ve approached the race normally and just tried there hardest, but Gabe wasn’t anyone else. Gabe was Gabe. Now before the race, Gabe had a merit badge at the arts and crafts lodge in the camp, and he had noticed that they seemingly had a surplus of Vaseline. At that moment the gears in his brain began to turn and grind. He knew that vaseline was slippery, and since that race was speed based, well I think you can see where this is going. Cut to the race and Gabe walked out of the bathroom clad in a Speedo, drenched from head to toe is the slimy substance known as Vaseline. He was literally dripping like he just climbed out of the womb. And so with a purposeful step and a goal in mind he approached the lake, shining like a star in the afternoon sunlight. And when the ref said go, he swam with all his might. And…his plan did not work. For alas, Gabe got second. I don’t know in what universe he thought covering himself in Vaseline would boost his naturally adept swimming abilities, but he was convinced it would do something, and it most certainly did not. Now you may think it couldn’t get better but alas my dear reader, it does. For not only did my best friend get second in a race after covering himself in Vaseline, but the person who beat him had the exact same name as me. Now since I have a decently uncommon name this made it even funnier and I can assure you to this day I have never let him forget the time he oiled himself up only to lose a race to me.