Hi, my name is Hmonziong Thor and my goal career-wise is to become a therapist; either a cognitive or clinical therapist. The reason why this goal became my own personal goal both personally and career-wise is that as a Hmong-American first-generation student mental health has always had a huge stigma placed upon this topic. I plan to become a therapist in hopes of changing the generational trauma parents and grandparents place upon younger generations that are also the roots of so many issues revolving around the change in behavior due to no longer being seen as traditional and accepting of what’s called the American culture. Growing up with a traditional single mother and grandparents has placed many burdens upon me that I’ve had to learn to maneuver and grow out of myself. I come from a family of thirteen with a mother who married so young; at the age of eleven, she never knew what it took to become a mother. Still continuously growing and learning, I plan to achieve this goal by first finishing college with a bachelor's degree in both Sociology and Psychology. As someone who has attended therapy, I plan to first learn to better communicate in which my course of action to overcome this is through a summer internship I’ve been accepted to. Known as SouthWestern Advantage, I would be working eighty-six hours a week, going door-to-door selling educational books. Through this experience, I hope to overcome not only public speaking but also learn more about myself and what commitment means to me. I would be attending this internship through college however after I graduate I plan to first take a month or two to mentally and physically rest if needed. After doing so, I plan to attend a program that would better prepare me to become a therapist whether it be shadowing, attending therapy, or actually trying. Regarding this career goal, my own life goal is to become kind and be a helping hand. My life goal I believe doesn’t necessarily have steps to achieving but more so of a moral I live by and hope to have left an impact whether it be big or small. One of the biggest steps I’m taking now is learning self-talk, to be able to push myself past my comfort zone and learn to accept the uncomfortable yet still push forward. Learning to tune out the voice that tells you that it’s been a long day let’s rest, or that you’ve been walking all day, a few minutes touching your phone is a reward. Positive self-talk, waking up and literally saying, “Today is going to be a good day.” These are not only my own goals but also my emotional purpose. The deeper reason why I still keep going is the reason why I have to keep pushing. Not only do I want to become a better person, but I also have to become a better person. Why? I can want something all my life, however, if I don’t take steps toward it, it would just be a dream. I am a brother, a friend, and a son, I will become what I didn’t have for the sake of others and myself.

Hi, my name is Hmonziong Thor and my goal career-wise is to become a therapist; either a cognitive or clinical therapist. The reason why this goal became my own personal goal both personally and career-wise is that as a Hmong-American first-generation student mental health has always had a huge stigma placed upon this topic. I plan to become a therapist in hopes of changing the generational trauma parents and grandparents place upon younger generations that are also the roots of so many issues revolving around the change in behavior due to no longer being seen as traditional and accepting of what’s called the American culture. Growing up with a traditional single mother and grandparents has placed many burdens upon me that I’ve had to learn to maneuver and grow out of myself. I come from a family of thirteen with a mother who married so young; at the age of eleven, she never knew what it took to become a mother. Still continuously growing and learning, I plan to achieve this goal by first finishing college with a bachelor's degree in both Sociology and Psychology. As someone who has attended therapy, I plan to first learn to better communicate in which my course of action to overcome this is through a summer internship I’ve been accepted to. Known as SouthWestern Advantage, I would be working eighty-six hours a week, going door-to-door selling educational books. Through this experience, I hope to overcome not only public speaking but also learn more about myself and what commitment means to me. I would be attending this internship through college however after I graduate I plan to first take a month or two to mentally and physically rest if needed. After doing so, I plan to attend a program that would better prepare me to become a therapist whether it be shadowing, attending therapy, or actually trying. Regarding this career goal, my own life goal is to become kind and be a helping hand. My life goal I believe doesn’t necessarily have steps to achieving but more so of a moral I live by and hope to have left an impact whether it be big or small. One of the biggest steps I’m taking now is learning self-talk, to be able to push myself past my comfort zone and learn to accept the uncomfortable yet still push forward. Learning to tune out the voice that tells you that it’s been a long day let’s rest, or that you’ve been walking all day, a few minutes touching your phone is a reward. Positive self-talk, waking up and literally saying, “Today is going to be a good day.” These are not only my own goals but also my emotional purpose. The deeper reason why I still keep going is the reason why I have to keep pushing. Not only do I want to become a better person, but I also have to become a better person. Why? I can want something all my life, however, if I don’t take steps toward it, it would just be a dream. I am a brother, a friend, and a son, I will become what I didn’t have for the sake of others and myself.

Hi, my name is Hmonziong Thor and my goal career-wise is to become a therapist; either a cognitive or clinical therapist. The reason why this goal became my own personal goal both personally and career-wise is that as a Hmong-American first-generation student mental health has always had a huge stigma placed upon this topic. I plan to become a therapist in hopes of changing the generational trauma parents and grandparents place upon younger generations that are also the roots of so many issues revolving around the change in behavior due to no longer being seen as traditional and accepting of what’s called the American culture. Growing up with a traditional single mother and grandparents has placed many burdens upon me that I’ve had to learn to maneuver and grow out of myself. I come from a family of thirteen with a mother who married so young; at the age of eleven, she never knew what it took to become a mother. Still continuously growing and learning, I plan to achieve this goal by first finishing college with a bachelor's degree in both Sociology and Psychology. As someone who has attended therapy, I plan to first learn to better communicate in which my course of action to overcome this is through a summer internship I’ve been accepted to. Known as SouthWestern Advantage, I would be working eighty-six hours a week, going door-to-door selling educational books. Through this experience, I hope to overcome not only public speaking but also learn more about myself and what commitment means to me. I would be attending this internship through college however after I graduate I plan to first take a month or two to mentally and physically rest if needed. After doing so, I plan to attend a program that would better prepare me to become a therapist whether it be shadowing, attending therapy, or actually trying. Regarding this career goal, my own life goal is to become kind and be a helping hand. My life goal I believe doesn’t necessarily have steps to achieving but more so of a moral I live by and hope to have left an impact whether it be big or small. One of the biggest steps I’m taking now is learning self-talk, to be able to push myself past my comfort zone and learn to accept the uncomfortable yet still push forward. Learning to tune out the voice that tells you that it’s been a long day let’s rest, or that you’ve been walking all day, a few minutes touching your phone is a reward. Positive self-talk, waking up and literally saying, “Today is going to be a good day.” These are not only my own goals but also my emotional purpose. The deeper reason why I still keep going, the reason why I have to keep pushing. Not only do I want to become a better person, but I also have to become a better person. Why? I can want something all my life, however, if I don’t take steps toward it, it would just be a dream. I am a brother, a friend, and a son, I will become what I didn’t have for the sake of others and myself.

I don’t know why I’m writing this. I don’t know if I should accept that I’m crying. I can’t feel it, I can’t feel the tears falling down my face. I sometimes lose myself and yet I feel as if I’m where I am meant to be. Here in a room full of the people I am spending my life with. I feel hollow. Empty. Ongoing. Lost. Cold. Alone. Maybe I feel sad so that I can acknowledge I’m feeling something. Maybe because it’s my comfort zone and where I grew up within this sadness. I can see myself. Inside and out. I can see myself traveling within my blood, empty. Hollow skin outline of myself. Moving without moving. Seeing but not going. Goals without routes. Dead. Death. Life without value. Uncontent life. I feel dead. Perhaps I am dead. Or have I just died? Laughter. I’m alive. I’m me. I feel. I love. I live. But. It’s okay not to be okay. I miss being sad. I miss feeling alone. I miss feeling scared. I miss feeling left behind. Have I neglected my sadness for so long that it’s caught up? Was I too slow once again? I wish to cry. I wish to feel.

Cariloop's Caregiver Scholarship I have been raising my siblings for eleven years of my life and I’m eighteen. My father left us when I was four years old and another man gave my mother seven more kids and left, totaling thirteen siblings. My mother wasn’t emotionally stable nor there for us, and I truly don’t blame her. Despite nothing having parents there for us, I’d say we made it the best it can and could be. Through the eleven years, I’ve learned to be a parenting figure, I learned that you can’t be there for a child just physically but emotionally and mentally as well. There is a huge difference in the impact you can make on a child with that from just how my mother treated me. My biggest goal is to be there for my younger siblings the way I wish I had someone there for me. I want to complete college and find a sustainable career field that can support my family financially. There is so much to explore and do while we are still here and I want my younger siblings to experience it because I don’t want them to live with regrets and the same feeling of feeling excluded. I want to help my mother back on her feet and one day make her smile at her kids the same way she used to when I was a kid coming back from elementary. I want to tell her that we aren’t abominations and that we deserve to be here. This experience took a toll on me for the worst. I underwent emotional issues involving Major Depressive Disorder, Split Personality, and so on. I was “numb” and “reckless,” my therapist told me. I wish I told him that I’d given up on myself so many times and tried hanging myself but woke up unconscious with the rope somehow unknotted. My journey through this was a maze. I lost myself so many times and I couldn’t find myself or where I started so I begin walking with no knowledge of where I used to be. However I had an epiphany and realized that I deserve to live, I deserve to love. I deserve to be loved. I realize this isn’t about me anymore but my younger siblings. I can’t give them another reason to feel abandoned, I have to be there. If not for me, for them. Here I am, eighteen years old and I truly do still struggle with my identity, but I just know that if someone doesn’t appreciate me then they are free to leave.

Chris Jackson Computer Science Education Scholarship I became interested in pursuing a major in the computer science area for the reason that I personally always took interest in it. My mother always told me that I was a kid who loved to break and repair random things whether it be phones, toys, or even just making something out of nothing. I truly don’t know what I want to pursue or get into, but I do know that I want to make my mother proud of me for once, I want to at least get something done in my life and I find that having at least something to work towards can and will be a start. I’ve come to realize that technology is the future and if I want any partake in the future, I have to do something that would still be relevant at that time. My goal after receiving my degree is to honestly find a stable job, regardless of the title. I want to help my mother financially support all thirteen of her kids. My mother was a good woman but she wasn’t the best mother. I spent eleven years of my life raising my younger siblings as she was almost never there. I want to help my family be able to own our own house with it in our name. To help my mother come back to her feet and make her smile the way she used to when she’d see us come back from school. I want to help my younger siblings not experience the same hardships that I had to overcome alone because our father left us. I believe myself to be the best candidate for this scholarship because I’ve fought to be where I am. I’ve fought to stand where I stand today and not allow other people’s thoughts, words, and or actions to dictate my life. Sure it may have taken my life on a stroll but I will always come back to my feet and stand strong. I’ve been through worst and knowing that, this is nothing. I am the best candidate because I want to be someone, I want to be someone for not only myself but for others and the future generations to come. I strive to achieve something big and live up to and beyond each and every standard pushed onto me. I am Hmonziong and I decided who I get to be.

The STEM major I plan to pursue is information technology or information systems. My mother always wanted me to become an engineer or information technologist; surprisingly, I grew up interested in it. So I decided to pursue this and luckily my high school gave me plenty of opportunities to speak and get into contact with actual information technologists. At some point I did switch up my interest and was going to pursue business management, however, I decided I could do both and have my business management as a side job and or hustle. I chose to pursue this major because I grew up learning about Arduino boards and joining the robotics team. Just a lot of things about technology that I took inspiration to want to learn more about. I loved learning how to take apart random electronics apart and put them back together. Rest in piece, to the electronics I couldn't figure to put back together. I was a hands-on child and a quick learner of what took my interest. Technology just had the best of me, and I took inspiration from it to learn more about it. I learned to change cracked phone screens, and how to run commands within the software to make something happen. I actually started to learn binary coding before I eventually lost interest and pursued sports afterward. Overall, I love technology and that's one big reason why I chose my major. In all seriousness, the reason why I pursue this major is to help the many people who don't understand the technology and need help with it. Growing up with grandparents and a mother whose primary language was Hmong, they never understood how technology works and how to use it. I love helping them and teaching them how to use it and receiving the smiles and gratitude they have to offer.

I believe mental health is one of the most important qualities to care for. Mental health is important for the reason it builds you as a person and affects your daily life. Mental health is a part of every human being that allows oneself to keep going. Your mental health is as important as food is to the human body. Mental health is the soul of a body, it powers you, it runs you, and it matters to you because it is you. Mental health is so important, as unmentioned as it is I believe that is something we need to focus on. My mental health is important because it builds me into who I am today. My mental health is significant to me because of what I’ve been through that nurtured it. I honestly suck at maintaining my mental well-being because I was put down by my family so many times. I grew up being the disappointment of my family having been called that and feeling that every day of my life. There were always these expectations I have to live up to and the rumors going behind my back of how bad a kid I was. I fell into depression and for a long time became suicidal. I had no idea how to maintain my mental health and what to do to better myself. I had no idea how to heal, how to forgive, how to grow, and how to not feel lost. Of course, everyone goes through this at some point so I thought this was something everyone felt. I kept everything inside and had not opened up to anyone till later on in high school. My high school experience has truly helped me acknowledge my thoughts and emotions. I’ve learned to hold strong and keep my head up high. I maintain my mental health from falling in love with my significant other. She helped me grow into who I am, to make me realize I matter. We helped each other grow into the people we are today, and how I maintain my mental health today is drastically different from how I used to. This isn’t a tutorial but you have to learn to love yourself. It’s hard and as easy as it sounds sometimes it doesn’t make sense. How I did it was to learn to love something, learn to love something worth living for. Sooner or later I learned to love and live for myself. I learned to love my significant other and then I learned to love myself. I maintain it by reminding myself each day that I am here today because I have earned it. From being a disappointment to fighting poverty, to fighting to stay alive, I am here. I stand today because I have earned it.

I believe mental health is one of the most important qualities to care for. Mental health is important for the reason it builds you as a person and affects your daily life. Mental health is a part of every human being that allows oneself to keep going. Your mental health is as important as food is to the human body. Mental health is the soul of a body, it powers you, it runs you, and it matters to you because it is you. Mental health is so important, as unmentioned as it is I believe that is something we need to focus on. My mental health is important because it builds me into who I am today. My mental health is significant to me because of what I’ve been through that nurtured it. I honestly suck at maintaining my mental well-being because I was put down by my family so many times. I grew up being the disappointment of my family having been called that and feeling that every day of my life. There were always these expectations I have to live up to and the rumors going behind my back of how bad a kid I was. I fell into depression and for a long time became suicidal. I had no idea how to maintain my mental health and what to do to better myself. I had no idea how to heal, how to forgive, how to grow, and how to not feel lost. Of course, everyone goes through this at some point so I thought this was something everyone felt. I kept everything inside and had not opened up to anyone till later on in high school. My high school experience has truly helped me acknowledge my thoughts and emotions. I’ve learned to hold strong and keep my head up high. I maintain my mental health from falling in love with my significant other. She helped me grow into who I am, to make me realize I matter. We helped each other grow into the people we are today, and how I maintain my mental health today is drastically different from how I used to. This isn’t a tutorial but you really have to learn to love yourself. It’s hard and as easy as it sounds sometimes it doesn’t make sense. How I did it was to learn to love something, learn to love something worth living for. Sooner or later I learned to love and live for myself. I learned to love my significant other and then I learned to love myself. I maintain it by reminding myself each day that I am here today because I have earned it. From being a disappointment to fighting poverty, to fighting to stay alive, I am here. I stand today because I have earned it.

What quality do I most value in my life you ask, the quality of self love. That might sound a bit bland and obvious but allow myself to explain. Growing up, my mother’s way of love is to love selflessly by giving and giving. My mother has lost both her homes to both of her past husbands whose names aren’t fit to be mentioned. My mother was given the responsibility of thirteen children from the two of those men. She loved them unconditionally and trusted them, and she was taken advantage of both times. My family grew up in poverty struggling to even get by with no source of income. Eleven years of my life I grew up watching my younger siblings caring, cooking, feeding, and loving them. I hate my mother for not being able to be a mother, I hate my father for leaving his kids to struggle. However, I don’t blame my mother, she was only eleven when she got married. She was still in high-school with her first born. However I do realize that she grew up to love and trust her spouse so much that she lost the ability to love herself and trust herself. I thank my mother for showing me that I have to love myself. I too grew up loving selflessness and after the many experiences I’ve endured, I realize the only person that I need love and reassurance is from, is myself. The only quality I value that I have, is the quality of self love to build on the characteristics I hope to build with self love. Having this quality is drastic and I mean it. You will not get what you want if all you do is for others and not for yourself. It helped me find who I am and what my personal values are. It will help me in the future to know my worth, from not working my butt off at a job when I could do what was asked and not more. Sure I may be a good worker but I can be replaced as easily as that and why should anyone ruin their body for any company. Is life not meant to live and not just being alive, I want to be alive to live not live because I’m alive. This quality will always help me through any situation I encounter, from the present to the future, this quality is the most important in my life.

My favorite book, would definitely be “Hatchet” by Gary Paulson. The reason behind, it was the first book ever recommended to me by a teacher who’s nurtured me into the person I am today. Thank you Mr. Goodwin. This book became the start to my journey of marvelous books that I begin to read in the upcoming future. This book really reached out to me because I felt connected to the protagonist. I personally loved being outdoors and the independency was something I longed for as a child of a single mother and family of thirteen. I needed me time, and this book gave me that. Regardless of how long it’s been since I’ve read it, my mind whenever thinking of books falls to that book first. Then “Holes” and then “The Magic Tree House” and so on. This book has played a huge role in my education and nurtured me to how I pursued education later on.

I suffer from major depressive disorder, bipolar, and binge eating disorder. The most important part of this all, is knowing those things do not define who I am and who I can be. Yes, they may play a huge role in my life, but never shall I give them the power to control who I am meant to become. Not only was overcoming it hard, but accepting it. Accepting that what I have helped shape me to whom I’ve become today and was my motive to be better. I couldn’t have overcome this by myself, and luckily for me. I had my girlfriend, my light in this pitch dark entity engulfing me. I don’t know where I’d be if not for her. She’s helped me define who I am, push me to change, and helped me see things differently. I’m only this person because I allow myself to be. She pushed me, to where I couldn’t bring myself to be and threw me out of my comfort zone. I’ve changed because of her. Needless to say, I never want to see anyone endure the same things if not worst. No one deserves pain and suffering their entire lives because of their parents choices and mistakes. I am alive today, to show everyone that we can make it. We can change, we can grow, and we can be better. Better than what was set for us, better than the examples we were given. We are a new generation, and we do not need this toxicity to continue to feed on us any longer. I wish to help anyone and hopefully everyone in healing, accepting, and growing from their traumas and experiences. I wish to not only be the light to their darkness but be the rope to pull them out. You are not alone.

I have a family of thirteen, myself included with a single mother who is hardly around. I am a role model to the seven younger siblings below me, and I hope that from what I did for them, will allow them to get through life not struggling like the six olders did. The five siblings older than me are in college and all live in dorms or apartments near their college, so I’m home alone with all of my younger siblings. I hope that my impact for them, for allow them to find a purpose in life and pursue it. I hope that the times I’ve cried and laid in my bed with despair they never have to. I hope that with whatever they decide to do with their life, they don’t make regrets and go through with it, because I wish I would’ve done the same. I’ve been babysitting for eleven years of my life and I’m seventeen. It’s crazy to think about honestly, and I want my younger siblings to live a happier childhood than I have. Once I’m off to college, my sister who is currently in middle-school will have to take over and I understand it will be hard for us as it was for us to watch seven kids without any parent. So I hope that from the impact I’ve made in their lives are big enough for them to keep pushing through and to stay strong.

One personal finance lesson I’ve learned through the time of myself growing and adulting is that, you have to save your hundreds and spend your twenties. Now what I mean by this is for example, if you receive a paycheck of let’s say $184. You remove that one hundred dollars and store it someplace and you use that $84 to live off with until your next paycheck. The reason why I personally find that so important is because with each paycheck you’re saving $100, $200 or even $300 dollars. Just like that. You can be saving so much and putting towards something you need for example a future car you may buy. I do also know that bills play a huge role and can drain that paycheck like as if it never existed. So save what you can, and with those savings invest it towards something, or save it in a bank that pays you interest the longer it’s there. Then, you can save money while also making money in the long run.

A time that I have stayed optimistic through a tough time is during working. Whenever engaging with customers who either are experiencing a bad day or just some who will ruin your mood no matter what, it is truly hard to stay optimistic. Personally even whilst staying optimistic to those kind of customers, it always hurts at the end because you feel like you wanted to better their day but instead they ruined yours. No one deserves to be treated harshly while working, as each job plays a valuable role within our society and economy. I’ve had customers snatch things from my hands, I’ve been yelled at, I’ve been racially stereotyped and been called racial slurs. No matter how much I wanted to say something back, or yelled at them back, or put them down. It’s not right to fight negative with negative because in the end nothing changes. I’ve learned that being optimistic in tough times, you have to be strong minded with a strong will to keep pushing. I’ve learned that to be optimistic, is actually harder than speaking back or putting them down. I’ve learned that if you are able to overcome such challenges, you realize that despite that is thrown at you, you can still stand back up. Despite what is said towards you, you can silence that out and change who you are for the better. Staying optimistic is hard, it truly is but the self validation that you did that, you were the bigger person means so much more than what they could’ve did. It’s those very thoughts and emotions, that will become your fuel to strive to be who you want to be, and make the difference you want to see.

Personally, something I learned that changed my life in general is that the chances of myself being here is nearly one in a infinity amount of possibilities. Realizing that, you come to acknowledge what you do and the choices you make effect you and you only. You can do whatever you’d like from yelling in public to making the weirdest speech. Sure, you may hear a few rumors but those will always go around and no one goes anything about it. No one bats an eye, because at the end of the day you are living your life not someone else’s. You are enjoying your time here on earth as everyone else. Do not be afraid of what others think of you, and you will strive to be who you want. Knowing that this life, these possibilities, are endless and this life happens only once. I’ve learned that I am who I make myself to be. I’ve always hated life as it never made sense, from going to adulthood and constant working until your time is up. It made no sense, however because you know it ends, is what makes it so memorable, because you know someday you won’t be here, you strive to live your life to the fullest. That is what I learned that has helped me change my perspective on life and want to live, want to do things that I’ve never done, try new things, and push myself out there.

Joy means looking at my girlfriend and smiling randomly knowing I have the best one. Joy means getting hurt after learning to skateboard for the first time. Joy means sneaking out with your friends to go hang out and talk about life. Joy means to me what happiness means to another. Joy is many things and can be perceived into different things. Joy to me, means being able to continuously live my life and know that another day will not be the same as before. Joy to me, means knowing that at the end of the day I don’t have any regrets. Truthfully, I don’t seek out any joy. I’m not one to find the fulfillment in life. However, it finds me, I’m not one to think I’m higher than anyone and that I deserve joy. I don’t, I truly don’t think I deserve it at all. Yet, for some reason and I don’t know it but it comes find me. From as little as laying on my bed resting knowing I have a roof over my head to having a girlfriend who is always there for me. I believe there is no specific way to seek out joy, it’s subjective. You do what makes you happy whether it’s big or small. It makes a difference.