“What do you want to be when you grow up?” It’s a question asked by family, friends, and random strangers at Walmart. At first, I wanted to be a princess. Then, I thought being a teacher would be fun. At age 13, I highly considered becoming a doctor before I found out how many years of schooling it required. After that, I finally figured out what I wanted to be and have given the same answer for almost a decade now. Whenever somebody asks that question, I always respond with a smile and say, “I’m going to be a nurse.” Nursing is the thing I love most in life next to my family. Being a nurse is what I’m most passionate about, something I can talk about for hours. However, almost everyone who asks me what I want to be when I’m older gives the same response; It sounds a little something like, “Well, you’ll always have a job!” or “Nurses make good money” or the best response, “Wow, I could never do that!” Although these people are right about me always having a job and making a decent living, I can’t help but think, “Is that all that matters anymore?” Is it just about money and not about truly loving your job? I know everyone has good intentions, but their responses always leave me feeling bitter. I didn’t choose to be a nurse for the money. I didn’t choose it because it’s a stable career and there will always be a need. I chose it because I’m passionate about helping people. I chose it because when my brother was diagnosed with bone cancer, the nurses were the ones who carried my family through the storm. I chose it because when my grandpa was passing in the middle of nursing school, my instructors told me to go be with him. My lead lecture teacher told me before I left, “I may be a teacher, but I was a nurse first. And as a nurse, I will never tell you to stay here while your grandpa is passing. Nursing school will be here when you get back.” I chose nursing because I can’t imagine doing anything else. I’ve learned throughout the years that making people feel better ultimately makes me feel better. It fills me with an insurmountable amount of joy. Why wouldn’t I pursue something that sets my soul on fire and makes me feel alive? During life’s hardest, most heart-wrenching moments, nurses are the ones who provide peace. If I can do that for just one person, I will consider my decision of becoming a nurse worth it. And I will choose to be a nurse every day for the rest of my time here on Earth.

In my 7th grade career class, I decided I wanted to grow up and help people. At first, I thought being a teacher might be a good idea. All it took was one day’s worth of job shadowing a second-grade teacher to realize I very much did not want to teach. I then contemplated the idea of becoming a doctor, however, that included 10+ years of schooling, residency, and having no social life. I decided against that plan too. I did like the idea of going into healthcare though, and a lot of friends and family suggested I go into nursing. I thought it wasn’t too bad of an idea so I started making plans for my future. Not until the summer after my sophomore year of high school did I realize that nursing was my true calling. I was sitting in the corner of a hospital room just after my little brother had been taken to CT due to having a grand mal seizure. I was shaking, sobbing, in shock, and alone. I couldn’t believe what I’d just seen. As if watching my brother go through cancer treatments wasn’t hard enough, I experienced one of the scariest moments of my life seeing his body seize uncontrollably. I was rocking back and forth, trying to pull myself together when I heard a sweet, soft voice next to me. “I’m going to sit next to you ok?” The nurse sat in the corner beside me and grabbed my hand. I looked at her and she said something I’ll never forget, “I’m not going to leave until you tell me to, I’m so sorry you have to go through this.” We sat in silence for the next 20 min as she stroked my hair and wiped away my tears. When my mother and brother got back from CT, she stood me up and told me everything would be ok. I never saw that nurse again, probably because she wasn’t even the nurse in charge of my brother’s care. She just happened to walk by the room and saw me crying. That night will forever be engraved in my memory. After that interaction, I knew that I had to be a nurse. It wasn’t just an idea anymore. I had to make people feel less alone in their darkest moments. I had to love people when they didn’t deserve it. I had to be just like the nurse who got me through that horrifying night. From that day forward, I put all my effort into pursuing my dream of becoming a nurse. I got my LNA license the following spring, I started working as a CNA at my local hospital (and have now worked there for almost 4 years), and I am currently in my last semester of nursing school. I will graduate in May with my RN and I couldn’t be more excited. I feel honored that I get to care for others for the rest of my life. Being a nurse isn’t for everyone, and it’s a very challenging, exhausting career. But if I get to have an impact on just one individual like that nurse did on me, it will be worth it.

Being diagnosed with lupus in my last semester of nursing school was the last thing I expected to happen. However, it was also not that surprising. For the last 4 years, I’ve had an array of crazy symptoms to include rashes, tingling and swelling in my hands and feet, hair loss, and fatigue. The fatigue was the worst of my symptoms. During my first semester, I actually fell asleep at the wheel and ended up driving my car into a ditch. Why it took so long to reach this diagnosis I have no idea. After doing countless hours of research the past couple years, I had a gut feeling it was an autoimmune disorder wreaking such havoc in my life. I pushed for a diagnosis and I saw cardiologists, rheumatologists, dermatologists, sleep specialists, etc. You name it, I’ve seen them. Yet, it was a simple second biopsy that finally confirmed my diagnosis. As a future nurse, I have such faith in modern medicine. It truly is incredible how much it has advanced to what it is today. However, I’m also extremely frustrated and disheartened that it took this long to figure out what was wrong with me. It shouldn’t take 4 years. Patients should not have to suffer or be told that their symptoms are “just allergies” or “they’re just really tired and we don’t know why.” These statements from my doctors made me feel crazy, which is why my goal as a nurse is to advocate for my patients and encourage them to continue to fight to find an answer. I want to take my frustration, sadness, and anger and turn it into something good. I want my patients to know they aren’t alone and they deserve a diagnosis, even if it’s not a good one. Although my dream is to work as a nurse, I have had several entrepreneurial endeavors that I’d like to share. In my freshman year of highschool, I was struggling with my mental health and decided to start a blog sharing my experiences. Even though not many people read it and I only kept up with it for about a year, it created a positive, safe space for others and myself to talk about mental health and the stigma that surrounds it. My senior year, I once again was struggling with my mental health and my mother encouraged me to focus on 2 things that I loved for the following week. I chose writing and making people smile. I came up with an idea to combine the two and created something called “The Ruthie Lindsey Project.” (The name comes from a woman with an incredibly inspiring story that I won’t go into). I went to my Instagram and asked for names of people that needed encouragement/uplifting. I then posted those individuals and had others submit quotes, compliments, words of encouragement, etc. I took all the submissions and wrote them down. I sealed them in an envelope and sent them to the person. Eventually, I had several other individuals that wanted to be a part of this project, and our envelopes ultimately reached hundreds of people. My junior year I also designed t-shirts and created a fundraiser for my brother who had cancer at the time. All the proceeds went to my parents to help pay for expenses such as gas, food, hospital bills, etc. as my brother’s treatments were four hours away from our home. I hope to continue to do these small but powerful entrepreneurial endeavors in the future and ultimately make people feel safe, loved, and cared for.