I have chosen to pursue higher education because I do not want to be like any of my family members, I want to have a better future in where I don't have to work 24/7 or if I do, at least I'll be passionate about it, and lastly I also just want to help people with my knowledge in whatever I can. I love learning as well. The reason I say I don't want to be like any of my family members is because my family is such a mess. About 1% finished high school and some didn't even make it to middle school. This wasn't their fault but their life choices made after that kind of have been in a way. They're just always getting in trouble with something and they're just not very nice people either. They really motivate me to have a plan and be someone better in life. They have nothing figured out and it's just stressful to be around, and I don't want to stress my mom out or my siblings. I want to set an example. A good one. I want to have a better future in which I don't work 24/7 or like I mentioned, if I do, I want to be something I'm passionate about. For example, I would kind of dread working all day everyday at my waitressing job. Now if I was a lawyer, working hard, gathering evidence, writing arguments and working with a dedicated team as well as fighting for someone's rights, then that I would not mind staying all night up for. It wouldn't be easy but it would be much better than doing something I'm just not made for. Not working 24/7 would be incredibly nice as well. Just having that financial freedom I wish for. I have been working since I was fourteen, I am twenty-three now. I know I have to work for a little longer but currently I am taking a full-time student and also working full-time. I am always on the go. So not working 24/7 is one of the goals. My last reason being able to help people with my knowledge. I want to help people that aren't able to get the help they need. For example, maybe legal help to undocumented people. I say this because I come from an immigrant family, and it's really hard to find good legal and trustworthy help. Someone that doesn't just do it for the money. Another example is helping people with their resumes, letters, helping people get housing, helping people in different countries with medical stuff as well. I also want to study science so this is why I am saying this. I think people also need to be educated on different topics. I feel like we fail as a society by not teaching people things but instead, sometimes belittling them. This also goes to my point where I said I love learning. I have in my phone, under the notes app, a long list of cool things I learn. The list grows everyday. This also helps me retain my information. But learning is fun and essential and we should all learn something new everyday. I have been preparing myself each day more and more. The age I am at now, I feel like I have matured a lot. So I am more determined and focused. I have been actively looking for scholarships, deciding what my next step will be, looking for schools that align with my values, checking to see when my next school registration will be.

My top three favorite Billie Eilish songs are: "idontwannabeyouanymore"- I resonate with this song so deeply because I feel it a lot at times. A lot of the times I hate being me, I hate what I wear, how I do certain things, the way my body looks, etc. I am so emotional sometimes it sucks and it's gotten to the point where I've become kind of numb. It's a heartfelt song and I feel like especially as we are developing we mourn some parts of ourselves as well. This is what I feel of the song. "Happier than ever"- I relate to this song because I was part of a really toxic relationship. I was young and he was young. He always chose to hangout with his friends and hangout with them and just not do good things overall. When she says, "I could talk about every time that you showed up on time But I'd have an empty line 'cause you never did, Never paid any mind to my mother or friends So I shut 'em all out for you 'cause I was a kid." I felt this part to my core. I was carrying the relationship basically. Doing everything for him from paying, mothering him, teaching him things I didn't have to, wasting my emotions on him, etc. It was bad. "What was I made for"- This song is so beautiful. I think it is revolutionary to feel in a world that keeps a lot of their feelings in. I struggled with my emotions for a long time. Growing up I had a mother who would invalidate my feelings or I would have people tell me I'm too dramatic, or too much simple because of my emotions. Growing up I have learned that showing emotion is beautiful and part of human language.

My experience with mental health has influenced a lot of factors in my life. From when I was younger to when I was in my teenage years. My mom grew up very religious. Catholic to be exact. My mom always used to make me go to church even if I didn't want to. Growing up I never had a great emotional relationship with her. I felt like my mom was emotionally immature. This caused me to always feel like I was talking to a brick wall. So, although my mom forced me to go to church, growing up and recently, I have never liked church. I don't think I like it because I felt like God wasn't really there for me. Not through my mom, and not through anything. I always felt like I was alone. This contributed to me growing up with depression and a lot go anxiety. As for my relationships, this affected them in every way. I was afraid of commitment for a little bit. And I allowed myself to be treated poorly because I didn't love myself. My teenage years were all about trial and error and figuring out what I really wanted for myself. Even now, I'm still navigating what I do and don't like. For my career, my mental health ruined it for a little bit. I started working at 14, then at around age 16, I started to really notice my mental health going downhill. It was a lot of factors.From bad relationships, to problems at home, to not really knowing how to navigate/ understand my feelings. Until age 20, I had had a rough time. But I started to work on myself. Things I didn't like about myself. Like I have never liked my weight, or how I couldn't be persistent with anything. I would start things but never finish. What has motivated me is to no fall back into old habits. Recently, at the beginning of 2021, I decided to let my 20's be the best time of my life. At the beginning of this year, I started going to the gym again. And I have been staying persistent with it. I have not only lost weight, but found a way to let my emotions go. The gym gives me a place to think. I also started going outside more. Bettering myself has helped influence my life so much. I don't want to go back to where I was mentally, so I just do things everyday to help me be okay. My beliefs are not necessarily the same, but I'm still not sure if I believe in religion or not. My career has been better because I'm not slacking anymore. I used to call off or simply not work because my depression and anxiety were too much for me. I could barely even talk to people. But now I have gotten out of my shell more and it's insanely hard for me because my anxiety is awful. But I've been doing it! And I'm so happy and proud of myself. Of course not everyday is easy, but if I had gone through with a lot of stupid thoughts, I wouldn't be where I am now. My relationships have been better because I love myself first. If you don't take care of yourself, then you can't really love somebody else. I've seen this from my ex partners too. So far, life has been mostly smooth. There are some things that I'm still currently dealing with, but I think I have the courage to keep going. I also have the resources. I support myself and I am there for myself. Because at the end of the day, all you have is you. So you have to love yourself. No matter what. And if you don't love yourself, you should do something that makes your soul happy. Happy soul happy life!