Lisa & Josh Video Scholarship-Heaven's 20 second over 2 minutes application email-bjada1064@gmail.com Heaven Brown.mp4

When scrolling on "Pinterest '' or "Tik Tok" with the search bar offering a guide to the "IT Girl Aesthetic", you notice a trend. Especially, as a darker skinned black girl with kinky hair barely reaching her shoulders and fitting into jeans bigger than size zero. You notice that these "IT" girls look nothing like what you see in the mirror. That's when I decided that an "IT" girl can't be defined by what social media claims her to be, for if it was up to them, she'd always be a pretty white girl who can roll out of bed and throw on anything. An "IT" girl to me, surpasses the common standards you find online. She is not about wearing the latest microtrend or swearing that everything she has is vintage, she's more than that. The "IT" girl is a mindset. It's a lifestyle, one that encompasses being confident in who you are and oozing out an aura like no other. The "IT" girl warrants stares because of her smile and brings people together because of her warmth. Her added style and beauty only adds to the charm. An "IT" girl is found first within, no matter what shade her skin runs or size clothes she wears. In regards to my fashion career, I want to be an "IT" girl. I want to be known for my conscious choices when designing, caring for those who may work with me, and putting every once of my personality into what I create. I will go beyond the common celebrity gossip when asked to write an article and instead expose the depths behind fashion in cultures that have been overlooked for too long. An "IT" girl would push the expectations for design and journalism in fashion and that is what I will be. The past two years of my life have been the hardest I have ever faced. They have aged me in ways a teen shouldn't yet understand. Losing both parents one year after the other leaves you with a fear that's indescribable. A fear that comes when the safety net of your parents has been stripped away. That safety net encompasses your dreams of going to college, of having someone to say don't worry about the overdue balance, of having people to lean on. While my friends had their parents to carry the weight of financial burdens and stress like no other, I was constantly reminded that I'm on my own. Instead of giving up on my dreams to have a degree, I simply will work two times harder. I will work for Ma, who fostered my love of fashion, and Papa who fueled my love of learning. Growing up, becoming a designer was always the dream. I disregarded "good job" lectures from my family and wondered why they were against me entering a creative field. It was not until later, when I received a scholarship for fashion at a pre-college program, that reality set in. While there, I was among the few black students in attendance by scholarship. We were surrounded by other students who didn't have to wait for their sponsors to respond to an email, they simply texted their parents and were funded. Pursuing art is a privilege not many black students are offered. Therefore, I want to help students who dream of a fashion career but know their reality can not afford it. Many black students are pushed away from their passions due to circumstances they can't control. I want to create opportunities where students can pursue them without the stress of trying to afford it.

The first thing I'd say about myself is that I'm a sensitive person, for instance, I cried while reading the description of this scholarship. I couldn't help but be reminded of my own mother who, just a year ago, also lost her battle to stage four colon cancer. However, a stark difference between Jennifer and Ma was that Ma accepted defeat. In the span of a few months, I watched Ma's fiery spirit go out faster than a match. Her sharp tongue and even sharper mind rapidly went dull. I was left with a shell of the mother that raised me, lost far behind a foggy mind and aching body. I wish that Ma was able to go out and search for the cure like Jennifer, to console me and say that she would be fine, and yet if she did, I believe I wouldn't be the person I am today. That person today does not take no for an answer, and if I get a no, I go out and find another way to get what I want. Ma had always told me that ambition was the key to success and she lived by that example until faced with grim circumstances. I want to embody that mindset, even through the darkest of times. Some may believe that is naïve, but I see it as being hopeful, for that is the meaning of inner strength. I always push myself to be involved around my campus and hope that she's proud of all I accomplish. When I was told no when trying out for my colleges' official cheerleading team, I got a yes from the club team. While others advised that it's hard to be on the executive board of a club, I went out and got accepted into three. After getting denied a fashion writer position by an online publication twice, I knew the third time would be the charm. All these instances taught me that I could get to where I wanted to be as long as I refused to take no as the final answer. One of the last pieces of wisdom Ma left me was that you could never make a difference if you were scared to hear no. She bestowed this lesson upon me after I got rejected from all the ivy league schools I applied to. "It's not the end of the world Heaven, you're meant to be elsewhere", she cooed to me as I sobbed into the phone. In the moment I couldn't see past my embarrassment and defeat, but Ma could. I now understand her mindset, that a rejection is redirection to something bigger. I want to be able to share that lesson, and anything else I learn with others through my words. Whether it be articles, essays, or interviews, I know that it could help someone who may need to hear it too, because not everybody has a Ma whispering in their ear, but they deserve one. I know I'd be lost without the lessons Ma taught me, ones she yelled into my thick skull or ones I learned mimicking her own actions. Losing her has been one of the hardest experiences and I'm still searching for the lesson behind it. For now, all I can do is continue to follow my ambitions in attempts to make her proud. The biggest one being to graduate from college, enter the journalism field, and change the way we approach fashion journalism. This scholarship is one of the many ways I'm ensuring that goal becomes reality, no matter how many "no's" I must overcome.