In 2014, I was a 29 year old recovering addict and single mother raising her children with no emotional or financial help from their father. I was managing a Pizza Restaurant and also going to school full time. My mother and step father were the only support that I had in state and they had already raised my kids for 2 years while I struggled with getting my life back on track. So needless to say, they were ready for me to be raising my children and to be able to step back and be grandparents. So, between raising 2 young children, working 45 hours per week and going to school full-time, can you guess which of those I had to give up? I struggled to keep up with my classes because I had to prioritize and ensure my children were cared for and had the most stability possible. Over the next 6 years I worked a few restaurant jobs eventually working my way up to management. Lack of higher education and other barriers kept me in this industry. In 2018 as a General Manager, I was working 55-60/week. My kids were older now and were able to go to an after school program which is how I worked so much. However, after working all day, picking them up and doing errands, I was tired and never wanted to cook. I certainly didn't get to spend any time with them. I was miserable in my job but I was making really good money and was able to make my own schedule. That summer, I took my kids on a vacation to San Diego and we spent 10 fun days going to the beach, visiting family and making so many other memories. I didn't want to come home and certainly didn't want to go back to my miserable job. I started thinking about how much that job was consuming my life. I was sacrificing so much just to make money and I wasn't happy. Three weeks after coming home, I quit that job with no regrets. The unemplyment I collected after allowed me even more quality time with my children and I craved more. I was lucky enough to have a program pay for me to attend a certificate program. A job fell into my lap shortly after and it was the most rewarding job I've ever had. However, there would be no way to move up within the program without a degree. That is why I have decided to go back to school now that my kids are older. Finances are an issue but I want to show my kids that education is important and I want them to have more faith in themselves. I want them to see that I never gave up on investing in myself no matter how hard it was and how defeated I felt. I believe that watching me go to school gives them a motivation they've lost throught this pandemic.

True friendship is unconditional. As I've grown over the years and become a mother, it is easier to see what a true friend is and the value they have in your life. I'm constantly telling my daughter that her friends are not true friends based on their actions. She'll have to learn on her own though, just like I did. I've always kept my group of friends small. I'd rather have a few loyal and true friends than be popular. Friendship stands the test of time, life events, tragedy and sometimes even betrayal. I haven't always been the best friend because for a time the disease of addiction took control of my brain. I made decisions that hurt my friends without thinking of the consequences. Unfortunately, I lost the bond that I had with most of them. However, one friend, had forgiveness in her heart and didn't hesitate to show me some. Her willingness to accept me back into her ife taught me what friendship really looks like. I've been in recovery for 10 years now and her friendship has been one of the motivations for me to keep pushing. I've shown others the same kindness, loyalty and forgiveness when needed. I haven't made many friends over the years but then ones I do have know that they can come to me for anything. I will not judge and nothing coud make me turn my back on them. I know this was supposed to be about how I am a good friend and maybe I should've elaborated on that more. I wanted to show how friendship was literally one of the things that saved my live and helped me overcome. I intend on always being that light for someone else, friend or not.

"Self care is not self-indulgence, it is self preservation"- Audre Lorde. It took me awhile to believe this concept. I find my purpose and passion in helping others. However, sometimes it was at the expense of my physical and mental health. Burn out is real. I always thought burnout was only for weak people. How naive of me. Honestly, self care is a fairly new concept to me but there are 4 things I strive to do consistently. Therapy has been essential in my life because it gives me a place to release feelings and emotions so I do not end up projecting them on family, friends or clients. I attend at least 1 weekly Al-Anon meeting and it has given me a new perspective of things. I will admit that before I found the meetings, I took everyting personally. I used wonder why I wasn't enough to change people. It doesn't work that way though and in Al-Anon, I can listen to and talk with people experiencing those same thoughts and let go of the control I want to have sometimes. Being lazy and binge watching my newest favorite shows may not be the most sophisticated way of practicing self care but it transports my mind to another world sometimes and helps me not obsess on things as much. Sometimes, simply just saying no to people is the best form of self care you can practice. I've prided myself on being the go to person for everyone in my life, personal and professional. I've practiced prioritizing the things I take on but this may be the hardest of my self care practices. In Al-Anon we say, "Progress, not perfection".