When I first discovered myself, it was much before puberty had yet to come to fruition. I had minor solace in my early upbringing through my mother, as she did not often gender me and my experiences full-heartedly, but that, of course, fell out of fashion around the same time I began to find myself. She soon pushed for wholly femininity and I all but wholly felt dread. I already knew I would never be able to come out to my family, no matter how closely related by blood they may be. Bigotry was, and still is, relevant within my family’s subconscious. In childhood, I already had issues at home and at school for a multitude of reasons outside of my control. Having a single parent, disabilities, family-wide health issues, emotional abuse, and other insecurities associated with being low-income during and after the recession made me a prime target for bullying at a young age until graduation from my peers. I was forced to grow up faster and face the world’s insecurities much too young, but the forced adulthood made me incessantly aware of the dangers of every choice I had in my hands. I knew that I had exactly one thing I could control in my life, the only thing I could hold self-righteousness towards. This power was not in the way of outward confirmation or presentation, rather, in the way of keeping my inner-self shielded from the impunities that would otherwise await the afterburn. My identity was a reclamation of myself, because it was the only part of me I could keep safe while everything else burned. What was left after the coals was naught else of importance, and so when I left for college, I started anew. I reclaimed a new name, one I got to choose, one that brings me joy: Lou. But I know that I cannot change my name legally, not yet, not without causing old beasts to stir. As an adult of twenty-one years of age, I still haven’t come out to blood relatives. I try to reclaim my childhood as an adult now, a somewhat feeble attempt to be exactly who I want to be now that I am safer, yet not fully secure. Yet, because I am away from all blood-relatives and blood-takers of my childhood, I am able to explore myself, see myself through a better lens that can truly be observed. As life is fluid, and so am I, I travel through my journey of identity. I am still exploring myself, but now I have new family and friends who understand and love me for who I am and will be. My major of choice is one of fine arts, specifically UW-Stout's accredited Game Design Development - Art major. My educational goals are to strive through creating exhilarating and inspirational content that impacts people long after the experience is over. My career goals henceforth will have a focus on environmental design and art, with a focus on 3D modeling and texture artistry software. I want a primary focus on the development of games and interactive experiences that carry meaning for identity, self-introspection, and choices. Post-haste from my graduation, I want to make a difference to those in the community through the experiences we share, brought to a new medium, or otherwise to assist in creating new experiences that bring joy in stressful or otherwise negative times. I want to highlight all perspectives of the grand experience of life to help bring understanding and closure for those who seek it.

There are many systemic issues that are prevalent in the system of educational access. There have been constants such as access to public amenities, the ebb and flow of housing and food insecurity, income and poverty, and the general access to quality, childhood education that cultivates aspirations and the desire to learn further. As someone who grew up in borderline poverty, I was moved between homes and various living conditions often. I believe that obtaining housing security in free housing, specifically housing that is up to date and code; Is accommodating for those in need; In close proximity to quality educational spaces; And most of all: meets human needs and helps create positive mental impacts. I truly believe that quality, secure housing would help foster the love and enjoyment for further generations of learning far better than other methods. By having free quality housing for students, it erases the tenure of working multiple jobs to make ends meet while additionally trying to pay loans or tuition. With removing the worry of eviction, one can fully focus on the most important part of college: Education. By allowing a main focus on learning, free housing has multiple positive byproducts, such as the allowance for the cultivation of intrigue and love for the subjects one may study, with much less worry about regret if they later find out they need to move on to another place. It helps erase the worry of overall cost of higher education, as housing has always been a slap to the face for estimates in cost, and for someone like me, who is hyper fixated on cost, budgeting, and planning out how my next paycheck will be used, it would be a massive sigh of relief to have one less thing to worry about. It also helps heal the childhood trauma many children faced, including myself, of experiencing housing insecurty.

My queer experience has been one of questions and closets. I have been inside a closet within a closet, within another closet. Meanwhile, the first two closets are quite literally made of glass and you can see through the blinds on the innermost one. I was pretty obviously queer, looking back at myself. Growing up, I was just considered "strange" when people tried to put me and the idea of heterosexual relationships together because even at a young age, I knew it would never work, and I knew well enough but never had the grammar for such things. I got asked often by family if I had interests in anyone, and I never really had any true ones, and if I did, it wouldn't be one I could truthfully say out loud, for the punishment would have been severe enough for me to never dare think about looking at another girl again. But uniquely enough, I also didn't have the initial gender binary forced upon me either, by accident from my parents really, as a child growing up. My birth name was never really a mainstay either, as I had a million nicknames from "bug" to "peanut" to "butterfly" to "giraffe" and it cemented a way of life that was blissfully absent from the binary outside the home I grew up in. It allowed me to just simply be "me," and allowed me to realize early on that, while I enjoyed dressing one way or the other, I didn't particularly care for the term "woman" or "girl." But then, of course, with the growing pains of simply growing up and being in a generously small, rural town, I had to bite the metaphorical apple and become exposed to the most toxic parts of gender identity that I had been unknowingly and blissfully ignorant of, and was almost consumed by trying to adapt to it. While I had a few friends who shared the same experiences as me, there was a large span of time that consisted of simply laying low. Until I was out of high school, I was unhappy. But being unhappy is what led me to learn more, to know what I was, who I was. I was afraid for a long time to call myself trans because I thought it carried a weight to it that I couldn't bear at the time. I felt I wasn't doing enough because I wasn't able to transition, didn't want to get surgery, didn't dress androgynously enough, and every other excuse in the book. I asked myself countlessly along the lines of, "Am I trans enough?" Perhaps a reason why this took so long for me to accept myself as the identifier 'trans' was because I was afraid of losing those around me. I still haven't fully come out to my family, and I don't know when, if ever, I will. I can hide into a binary well, and while one day I would like to come out, I can't right now. But for now I am exceedingly happy and content. Going to college has allowed me to be exactly who I want, and to simply exist with those who are like me. It makes me unbelievably happy. I am still learning who I am, and forever will be learning. In college, I am going for a Game Design and Development - Art BFA, and I want to apply my skills in 2D/3D game development into art and experiences for others to learn about themselves and to be happy in their own bodies.

While quite an unorthodox choice, Kikai Sentai Zenkaiger holds a special grip on my heart. The plot is filled with zany moments where the group saves the world. However, there is a massive unfolding plot of found-family and learning to love and be vulnerable again. Stacaesar, dubbed as Stacy, is a villain the same age as the protagonist, Kaito. However, Stacey grows to find compassion, vulnerability, and kindness with Kaito's grandmother, to the point he has to hide his true identity in shame and to keep visiting the only person that has shown him such kindness in his world of villainy. He eventually folds and gives up his true identity to her, and she still accepts and cares for him, even after all his crimes. This theme of acceptance, vulnerability, and found-family helped me grow through my own trials and tribulations in being vulnerable and accepting the love of others.

At the bottom of the initial page of my portfolio lives a single illustration. It is of a figure with long hair holding a yellow umbrella, standing in the distance of a boardwalk. For me, this piece is a representation of life choices. You see the figure in the middle, but you cannot tell if they are moving forwards or backwards, and which way is considered to even be forwards or backwards in progress. They are standing still but analytical of the space surrounding them. This is a very direct translation to the life experiences I've faced growing up and the process of becoming an adult. Progress is not linear and progress in the real world is not as simple as one direction. Things will happen in life that force you to turn around and choose another path. The world is in constant unfamiliarity and living with that fact is step one of the journey into adulthood. I have made many rash, thoughtful, meticulous, and calculative decisions in my life to reach where I am today, and those decisions have led me to art. Even a few years ago I believed I wanted to be an illustrator or concept artist for games, now I want to 3D modeler for environments and props. Things change and change is okay. Life is a long, meticulous process to find happiness and purpose, and it helps to keep an umbrella for when the rain gets rough.

My favorite way to help others is unintentional. While that may sound counterproductive to helping someone, sometimes being the silent force in the background is the best method to reach people. Even if my work and contributions to the method are unseen and unheard. My ambitions and goal of education are to create games and interactive experiences that leave a profound effect on others. This effect can be happiness, sadness, remorse, or be a general thought-provoking concept for another to experience. When a game is shipped, I have little to no control over how the player experiences the interactions and melody of emotion in store for them. I will more than likely never be recognized by that individual, nor do I expect that. But having an impact on someone, as small as making a new thought process begin, is a perfect way to encourage and cultivate growth and change in others that I can have a direct, yet in-direct hand in.

My best personal skill is my ever-developing quality assurance. While I am constantly learning and always improving myself and my standards; I always want the work I produce to be of the highest quality. Since I am always open to learning from others, seeing their standards, and setting mine as I learn, this allows me to have a healthy relationship with my own personal growth and my creations. Most importantly, that growth of knowledge allows me to grow my sense of perspectives and qualities. This improvement of self comes in a steady and persistent stream by taking self-care seriously, wide perspective thinking, and constantly being open to learning.

Climate change is the undeniable crisis for humanity. It's necessary to have many global approaches and angles all at once. Clean energy focus, public infrastructure with biodiverse components, and elimination of old world fuel addictions are all wonderful ideas; However, accountability is the keystone. For the betterment of humanity and health, one approach is to force all global mega-corporations to comply to the Paris climate agreement or face liquidation and absolution of the company to public and community ownership. Is that approach anti-capitalist? Yes, absolutely. Capitalism's greed go hand in hand for climate disregard, and the top one hundred companies will do as much word poetry to make the public forget their emissions and disregard for the last hundred years. Having a sink or swim mentality is needed or else the biggest contributors to climate change go scotch free.

My passion and path of study intertwine into my desire to create enthralling experiences and inspire those the same way I had through media growing up. My passion is hearted in entertainment design and game development. From a young age, I was not quite the target demographic for video games, a small tomboy who never really spoke, unless it was about dragons and dinosaurs, but there I was; There I am today; There I will continue to be. My passion of games and experiences for others fueled how I grew and changed as a person and it fuels the same way I want others to experience a similar inner growth. My future career backs on self-expression and hands-on approach to creation. It relies on first-hand experience with software, people, craft and historical knowledge of the arts. This necessary foundation for my education and future career path is essential. What I will achieve relates to my desire to give back to young adults what I positively experienced as a child. I want to inspire the next unorthodox youth to feel safe in their experiences and enjoy being themselves in games and as they did for me.

I have been mentally ill since elementary school. While that sounds extremely depressing as an opening statement, and it is, it has impacted my every walking moment into the present day. At the time, I obviously did not understand why I saw the world as I did, or for what reason I felt dread every day and tightness in the pit of my stomach; For what reason was the world cruel to me: I won't and will never begin to understand it. I knew cruelty of the heart firsthand and kept silent. For I was just a child unequipped to deal with all the feelings I had. At some point I learned my view of the world was so distant in comparison to others, and that my mind was in such an altered state I needed help, but help from home was not an option. Instead, I sought help online. Maybe as an escape mechanism, maybe because it was my only option; Regardless, in the early 2010's, I found solace with others in forums and blogs who had similar experiences and diagnoses. I began to converse and in a way of unintentional coping, it began to take the form of an impromptu crisis intervention for myself and the friends I began to foster with because of our similarities interests and trauma. It allowed us to protect each other from stupid decisions and mental episodes and grew an emphasis in kindness and hyper-empathy. I knew to never judge and always have an open heart, but to protect my own heart and put my mind and health first. Because of the kindness of other's with the same ailment I had, my heart felt healing for the first time in my life. That kindness has never left my heart. In current day, I have received some medical treatment for my chronic mental illness, such as therapy and SSRI medicine. One of my biggest aspirations and goals is to give back the kindness I received, while simultaneously showing the realities of mental illness and perspectives of realities through media and games. Both mediums are easily accessible and are heavily affective at having an impact on the heart and mind. Additionally, many if not all those friends I've made a long the way I am still in contact with. Many of those friends also have similar aspirations to create media and content for the world. Collaboration between myself and others will make greatly impactful media, which is exactly why I want to work in the entertainment industry. The industry is filled with heart-full people with high empathy, and if my track record is correct, they also have a high chance of mental illness having an impact in their lives. The world can be filled with hurt and dread, but making something one person will love and make happy, it is all worth it. With the collaboration I seek, I will make those impactful experiences without a problem.

František Kupka was a Czech artist who had been a silent entrepreneur of both cubism and abstraction. His works were effervescent in color and flow, making one lost in the movement of the pieces. I love his works partially because I am Czech, perhaps a slight bias, but also because of his intense use of color that brightens the life within it.

Language is an essential human expression, and when one has the absence or inability to verbally use language, they adapt. Historically, before language, there was always art: Cave art, rock structures, statuettes, hair clips, and weaponry, all with the potential to be embossed with their own engravings of stories and traditions in pictures. My main outlet of language and communication of ideas is from the pictures and experiences I create. For me, as someone with autism, many times words cannot come out the way I need verbally. Yet my brain still has all the intricacies I need to share. My drive comes from my need to speak out to the world, and to speak to myself. So when the insatiable need of connection and communication meets art: it thrives. That is how my art career began. My innate need and desire to connect with others leads me to communicate in mediums of art I love creating: explorative illustration, interactive media, and games people can experience. The emotion that I spur and bubble within myself and others from video games and simulations demonstrates the need of interactive art. For people like me, it gives us an outlet to express; For those who can express themselves, they can finally understand others. When others can experience the exact messages I am sending, I am ecstatic. It means my work as an outlet and is loud and clear. Games and interactive media are a unique experience that can last forever with the use of digital archival means. Additionally, digital media is becoming more and more interactable and lifelike through virtual reality, accessability options, and the meaningful connections made worldwide through that medium. However, unlike the oil and egg tempura works that over time needs restoration, interactive media evolves and continues. That does not mean paintings lose worth comparably: quite the opposite actually. As paintings have the history and emotion of generations behind it. I hope to replicate that same feeling of interconnection and emotions for the media I create, in essence, and quite literally, paintings are the original blueprint for digital media. As a result, my overarching plan is to incorporate language, interconnection, and overwhelming emotion into an outlet for the world to experience, primarily through the use of interactive media. Future generations will still get to see the oil and egg of the past, but the milk and honey of digital media will be cherished by the language and emotion it allows and direct memory it creates.

Kitty is a sassy old lady who doesn't quit. Her girthy decadence and magnitude are miniscule compared to her love for mommy and kibbles. She loves to grumble while being swaddled while simultaneously purring like a dump truck's engine. Her favorite activities are to eat grass and vomit it up after, stealing the other cats' food, slobbering on catnip toys, and begging mom for butt scratches. While not the most graceful in practice, in her heart she is a great hunter.

I come from a rural town with neighboring adjacent townships in southern Minnesota. Living with my mother, alone, unless with my older sister, I understand how much love and support from a single person can be. My mother has influenced my sense of self and allowed me to persevere in difficult times; The same goes for my compassion, honesty, and admiration towards her. She has taken care of me and my older sister on her own, through all hardships, like the great recession where she became laid off and unemployed for an amount of time. I understand the worth and the power of money; I understand hard work; I understand the power it takes to support others as my mother had for; I understand how much she put into helping me, and I want to be able to support her back, now that I am a adult. The least I can do is give her dignity and love and go above and beyond to give her great pride in a child. Her sense of hard work, craftsmanship, ingenuity, perseverance and honest has reflected upon myself greatly. These senses have carved me into an individual who is willing to go the extra mile to help another and a strong sense of empathy. That inner strength and empathy is directly relative to my ambitions and desires to create interactive experiences in games and entertainment that show the same loving qualities and empathy that I grew up upon. A scholarship from the John J. DiPietro foundation allows me to first-most excel in my education without worry, but also help support my mother emotionally and give back to all the support and encouragement she gave me while I was growing up. By stowing away financial worry for me, and overall worry for my mother in this chapter of my education, I can create great accomplishments and give back great joy to my mother.

In the current state of the "American Covid-19 experience," everything has been downright terrible in quality of life adjustments for just about every single person. The looming dread of capitalism has not helped to feeling of anxiety during the pandemic either. One last bastion of solace for me during this year has been art and the act of creation. Art historically has been a slap in the face to capitalism: A way to combat the need for constant monetization of productivity. A never-ending fight against forces out of reach. Creating for myself, friends, community, or for my education has been a tremendous way of exploring my own sense of self and preserve my state of mind when the world is in chaos. Art allows me to dungeoneer my own path and travel it to my own personal growth, but in the more physical sense of travel it does the same effect yet amplified. Traveling in the physical world changes directly one's gratitude towards the world, cultures, architecture, and everyday experiences with everyday people. The first-hand interactions between people changes one's mentality and memories, in turn evolving one's ability to create from the kindness of exploration. I would plan to travel to see the great national parks of the United States, or if we are unbanned from worldwide travel: Greece. Both destinations are home to vast cultures, individuals, stories, homes, and future memories. Those experiences change my perception and inspire me to create purpose within my pieces. However, the hope is that as America faces the pandemic and its response versus the global response needed for COVID-19, that maybe in the future or end of 2021 that we may begin to travel again, both alone and with friends, to destinations both in-state and out of country. The other parts of the world, by the time we are finally cleared of the pandemic, will always be waiting for me to experience, however long it takes.

My favorite personal finance tools I have encountered are LegalEagle, a lawyer on YouTube who will go into legalities and has some genuine content for finances and weird laws. Secondly, payment apps like Venmo, PayPal, and CashApp have been apps where I learned about secure money transferring and payment options. Lastly, websites like Bold.org that allow free viewing of loan options and availability help make scary decisions less intimidating.

My greatest challenge so far is the battle against generational wealth. Many students are first-generation students because their parents and family could not afford to attend, or simply college was not an option in the slightest by cultural or societal standards: I am the same. My mother graduated high school and went straight into the workplace because that was the expectation set by her societal standard. My mother taught me how important college is growing up and how every year it becomes more important to need a degree to work. While in her generation it was not expected of her and many others to obtain a job. Of course, those who had wealth in my mother's generation went to college, and sent their children to college as well. As a result, keeping wealth within wealth. I and many others do not have that access to generational wealth. So we fight tooth and nail and understand the system and work whenever we can to pay off college on our own and with our own means. I worked in a glass factory to try and raise enough money to attend college on my own. This job changed who I am, but I wouldn't have traded it for the world. Because it allowed me to nearly pay off my first year of college on my own. I worked during the pandemic and continue to work during the college semester to try and get some extra means to stay on top of my financial burdens. I want to fully believe that I am in the right direction by working hard and staying persistent. My lesson I learned from my climb to obtain a degree is simply put: Hard work is in my blood and generational wealth cannot beat me.