“Kill me, just kill me already.” I begged to some higher power. I constantly was begging for something, someone, anything to end it already, end the pain, the hate I had for myself. My depression had gotten so bad I had tried to take matters into my own hands, more than once. I was 12 the first time I tried to kill myself. I didn’t tell anyone. I was terrified to, so scared to tell my parents or friends. So I stayed quiet, for years and years, as my anxiety got worse as well as my depression. It almost lead to my death, more than once. Until one day I broke down. I finally told my parents, my mom cried, my dad didn’t say anything. Friends yelled at me for not saying something sooner. A majority of people asked me, “why didn’t you say anything sooner?” I didn’t know what to say. I had a million answers for that question, but the biggest one was, “because I was terrified of how you would see me.” I was so scared of how people would perceive, of the people I could lose that I ended up almost losing myself in the process. I finally told people though. I’m a long way from getting completely better, but I finally spoke out. I’m finally going to get help. I may have been terrified but now I should be able to get the help I need. Therapy isn’t exactly an option for my family right now, as my parents look into trying to get me help without it being so stupidly expensive, it’s hard still. It’s still hard to wake up and try and be happy, but I’m doing better. I’m starting to get up and shower, brush my teeth, and make myself meals. Something I had stopped doing, something that was starting to make me sick. I’m scared but I feel like I can get better. That is because I asked for help. I asked for help and was given a hand by those who care about me. This is why I want to become a psychiatrist. I want to be able to help people, without forcing medication down their throat or making them feel bad. I want to show them that they matter, especially those who are suffering. I’m 16 now, I know I need to help people. When I tutored third graders for a scholarship, I fell in love with helping these kids. How their faces would light up when you told them they mattered. This just showed me how bad mental health has continued to got and grow. A third grader should never not feel enough yet kids younger than 8 are already severely depressed and traumatized. Then we ignore adults mental health because apparently they’re “too grown.” I believe that we need to continue to speak about mental health and stop just focusing on one path or one person’s mental health. We need to speak up about anyone’s, everyone’s. People who are suppressed as well as those who aren’t. Mental health is serious. A mental illness can kill just like a physical one. I hate how people act as if suicide is not itself a sad disease that kills millions. I hate how people act as if mental health is a joke, especially because everyone suffers from it, some more than others. So many struggle and that’s why I want to help them, as I am currently getting the help I need and searching for my own happiness, I want to help people find theirs. Depression can be just as serious as cancer. Happiness can be just as important as life saving medication. Love is always supposed to be there, helping and supporting people. I want to give people that love, something that’s so hard to find. If we continue to let depression kill, then how can we call ourselves a people? A nation?

I hated myself for years. The second I realized I was trans; I was mad at myself. I thought “how dare I?” Almost constantly. It was upsetting as I lost friends and was judged by family. Sometimes I still feel like I shouldn’t exist, yet I know I need to keep living. I need to keep existing and become myself more and more. I want to figure out who I am. I also want to help others as well. I have struggled with my mental health for years and years now. I have sadly tried to kill myself before as depression consumed me, and being trans made it worse. I thought there was something wrong with me, especially since a few of my friends were judging me and I even lost some due to it. I think this is what really made me want to become a psychiatrist. I want to help people who are suffering from the hate that society gives to trans people. I also want to talk about how trans men play into social issues instead of just completely silencing them and never listening to their voices. I’m sadly a trans 16 year old boy, who is still closeted due to the hate I have faced. I have promised myself though to persevere and become that person that can help people as well. I want to be the person that people can rely on and someone to change peoples point of view on trans people. I want to be a voice for trans people. I recently wrote an article for my school’s newspaper about gender affirming care and how it affects more than just trans people. I’ve started to speak my mind, my perspective, and share my voice with others. I want to continue to speak about problems happening in the trans community, I also want to help fellow trans people. I hope to become that person to help others as someone who felt lost, someone who wanted to die. I hope that I can show other trans people that we should keep living and continuing to grow. The judgment and abuse people have in the trans community is not okay, and there are cases that are much worse than mine, where I simply have gotten bullied and felt unaccepted by society as well as people I love. Others get physically abused, raped, or even killed. I want to speak out for these people, I also want to show them that they can make a difference, that they matter. It’s upsetting the hate trans people get and the hate they continue to get. The sexual harassment and bullying I have faced show me that this is common yet hopefully it will stop. I want to speak out, share my voice as well as others. I also want to help those who had their voices silenced. A lot of people deserve this scholarship, and a lot of people have gone through so much more than I have. So many have no one. I hope they themselves can find that someone, find their people. I am Harlow Kling, and I am a 16 year old transgender male. I hope to make the world a better and safer place for trans people. All people matter, all identities and races, sexualities and faces. Everyone matters, me, you, trans, cis, POC, and white. Every single person matters, until they destroy another person’s rights.