My fight with mental health has had a major toll on every aspect of my life and those in it. I can remember days and nights from years ago that I just shut down to the point that no one, or anything could get through to me. I can still see the faces of loved ones as I pushed them away and became someone unrecognized by them. It is still a major battle to this day, but I’ve learned a long the way and found a little bit of hope here and there. I still find myself struggling to answer the phone, to make at least one meal a day, or to even shower. Mental health has pushed me beyond limits I can begin to explain, where it had me in the dark, asking if life was even real. Asking why I was all alone and I felt as if no one was there to help me see again. I spent many nights drained and lifeless, talking to whoever could hear me, begging God to hear me. I always wondered why I wasn’t being heard, or maybe it is my own mental health that blinded me from the truth. I’m sure someone upstairs heard me, but my mind is so tormented that I struggle to find the peace, comfort, and reality of it all anymore. Beyond just beliefs, mental health has weighed heavily on my relationships and careers. After countless days of not being able to roll out of bed and look decent, you begin to hibernate, and let the world move along without you. I stopped looking and stopped answering. Although it has changed somewhat since COVID ended, I still have those moments where I just want to stay asleep, turn my phone off, and disappear, because no matter how much you go to therapy or talk about what’s wrong, the illness of mental health is always going to be there. It is a lifelong battle, one that will never stop. It takes finding a way to tune it out, just to make the day go on. I still have a hard time not pushing those who love me away, and texting back within the twenty four hour mark. I don’t even hangout with anyone anymore, and that is one of the biggest downfalls of my mental health when it comes to relationships. As far as my career field. I’m trying. I don’t work as of right now, but I still find the strength to look around and get busy with my schooling so that way, one day, I will have made something of myself. I can do something I worked so hard for and feel a sense of relief, accomplishment even. Mental health is a nonstop, every day battle. There is no guarantee that it will get better, but the guarantee is that it will get easier to manage, to live with. Mental health will not be what takes my life, it will be what makes me grow and be the stepping stones to who I will become.

Asking why it is important to live a healthy lifestyle is like asking why me maintenance our vehicles. Our body is what keeps us moving, living, healthy and happy. When the body is not treated with the respect it deserves, it reflects on the person and causes downfalls in other parts of their lives. For instance, if you are in school and your over weight, you find yourself less motivated and more tired to the point you fall behind on school assignments or evening showing up for class. It plays heavily on the physical, mental and emotional aspect of our lives. I believe it is important to live a healthy lifestyle because our bodies are our cars, support system, and so much more. Without a healthy body, everything slowly begins to fall apart and leads to more issues that is not needed. It will bring all kinds of health related problems. In order to maintain a healthy lifestyle of my own, I make a plan to walk at least four or five days a week for thirty minutes to an hour, maybe even longer depending on my availability. During that time frame I will try my nest to get a minimum of three miles in. I also make sure too eat my fruits, vegetables, protein, to take my medicine and consult with my physician when I have any questions or concerns. It’s very important to have a professional who can help guide you and offer advice on what works and does not work. I maintain a healthy sleep schedule as well. I always try my best to get six to eight hours of sleep, to eat all three meals of the day, and to drink lots of water, while also maintaining a healthy bladder by going to the restroom every hour or so to flush the kidneys. If I can’t find the time to walk, I make sure to do something else like yoga, jumping jacks, or just doing something as basic as chores around the house, especially ones that get the heart pumping and blood flowing nicely. There are many ways to maintain a healthy lifestyle even without having to pay for expensive gym memberships! I used to attend a gym but after a year I saw no results and I find more in my daily activities like walking, chores, eating and drinking healthy! These have become very important things in my life.

The first loss I experienced through ones mental health battle was when I was 15 years old. I wanted to breakdown, lost all hope to the world and universe above but I remember sitting with my lost loved one and crying to them about how I wish I knew, that they had told me. The next thing I know was I could hear them talk back to me as if they were still there, having that conversation with me that they would of had when alive. I made a promise to myself and to them that I would pick myself back up and get determined all over again, and fight for what’s right, the future of myself and them. As I lost many others down the road to the same battle, I found myself 10x stronger each and every time. I told myself that I will succeed and make something of myself, that I won’t let my own demons be what holds me back. To this day, I carry each of their names with me, but as one individual now. I have been fighting to achieve more love in this world, whether I can make someone smile once or more, I am achieving that everyone feels good at least once when I see them and to know that there are people they can count on, to come to, and love this world one fight at a time.

What is a passion? Well, for me it is what I love and look forward to, but that doesn’t mean that a passion is different for the person next to me. So I ask, think about what your passion is and what that means to you. My passions are many, but the biggest one of all is to bring peace, love and happiness into this world. The way times are changing, it seems that humanity is slowly being lost and our loved ones are separating. We are all equal and deserve to be happy, not to fear what happens. It has always been a main goal of mine to be that light in someone’s life when needed, so I strive every day to be the best version of myself, even if that means that only one person smiles and their day is made. I plan to take this passion of mine and apply it to my career. I remember how hard school was on my mental health growing up, still is, and I want my future students to know that I have their back, no matter the time of day or what I believe is right from wrong. I want these future generations to know that it is okay to be sad and to take those necessary breaks. To me, the most important thing one can do is make sure their mental health is okay, because a diploma will still be there when ready but if they lose themselves, then it’s a scenario way worse than quitting. For the longest time, I had to clue how to cope and manage every day life but finally during my junior year of high school I found a wonderful therapist, who walked me through everything and made sure I knew that it was okay, that I would be okay, and to forgive myself in the end. Today, I am managing on my own without a therapist. I’m coping by using techniques such as relaxing and tensioning up my muscles to remind myself that my body is to tightened up, to go to my happy places when I’m feeling overwhelmed, and another good one is to focus on the five senses, which is where I find five things I can see, four things I can hear, three things I can touch, two things I can smell and one thing I can taste. All of these are great techniques and have helped me so much! I plan, as a future educator, to give my students mental health days and be a support system in times that are needed or not needed. I will be there to walk them through and remind them that they are only human, all will be okay, and that I believe in them!

Having to choose just one out of so many is always the hardest thing to do. In all honesty, almost every book I pick up except a few are my favorites, but choosing just one would have to be Suzanne’s Dairy for Nicholas by James Patterson. I choose this book because when reading it, I found myself more I tuned to the characters and setting than ever before. It felt like I was there, seeing it and experiencing it all with my own eyes. James Patterson is an amazing writer and I could fully see that while reading his book. The book made me feel alive. I felt every emotion as if it was my own to feel, and I could practically hear every sound or scene happening. It wasn’t just some book I was reading, it was a part of me at that point. From the first chapter, I was drawn in and couldn’t put the book down long enough to eat, drink, shower, or even do daily chores. I just had to finish it all and once I had finished it, I was devastated that there wasn’t anymore of it to read. The detail of this beautiful masterpiece is amazing to say the least. Never have I ever been this drawn in to a book that makes me want to be part of the characters, to read on for the rest of my life as if I am story telling my own life. This book made me realize that I am still alive and everything going on around me is temporary, that it will all be okay.