Looking back at my life, I realize that the struggles and challenges I have already faced have made me a more introspective and complete person. It is impossible to single out just one event that has led me to become the person I am today. I have been challenged in every waking moment throughout every day of my life with personal demons. Some days it starts when I wake up and try to get out of bed, other days simple daily tasks are a struggle. Over 250 million people around the world suffer from anxiety but there’s still a social stigma. After further research, my eyes were widened to those who struggle like me. I would sit in class as the walls would close in, I would experience clammy hands and shaking legs, thinking that… I am the only one. There must be something wrong with me. This led me to think, why is mental health not a focus of discussion? Why is nobody talking about this around me? Are they embarrassed? I too was embarrassed for some time then I realized…this is what makes me, me.
Going to school used to be an arduous task. I used to tell myself that taking a mental health day occasionally was acceptable, until it was a normal weekly occurrence. Everyday waking up reality hit me… telling myself that I have to go to school. In the back of my mind I am thinking, I have to face the people that laugh at me in the halls, I have to listen to my thoughts all day non-stop while I put on my happy face. The first step in the process was to get out of bed, which on the surface seems like a simple task, but goes much deeper. As challenging as getting out of bed was on some days, that was much easier than the peer ridicule and social judgment that awaited me when I entered my school environment. Right as I walked in I was bullied and judged. Due to my anxiety, every little thing that irks me will replay in my mind over and over again until I am physically ill. My palms get sweaty, my fight or flight reaction is activated, and immediately I have to hold back tears. It already took me so much to get into school, now it is taking everything left in me to stay. I knew I couldn’t let anyone see me like this… I immediately rush to the bathroom to make sure my makeup isn’t smudged. God forbid I let the people around me know that I'm hurting. I fix myself up and hope nobody will see through my disguise, and I just try to get through one more day.
Eventually, due to my anxiety, I was hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital for mental health treatment. Even though my inpatient stay was not a choice, it was a necessary evil, and I learned vital lessons while there. A combination of coping mechanisms along with group therapy and individual meetings with a therapist led to a strategy that has revolutionized my personal well being. I am now proud to say that I am confident to face the challenges of the world, and I have the ability to withstand anything I am faced with. This challenge, known as my life, has prompted me with two very strong passions; one going to college to study psychology, and two to become a teacher. With either career path I will be helping the future generations, and I think that is what matters most. All children deserve to receive the same help that I received. Now, there is nothing I can’t handle, and I look forward to furthering my mental strength in order to be the best possible person I am capable of being.