In the depths of despair, I found the strength to rise from the ashes of addiction and reclaim my life. As far back as I can remember I always felt different, like there was a hole in my soul. I was uncomfortable in my own skin and had this constant feeling of longing. I never felt good enough, I had this voice in my head that fed me messages of self doubt, self deception, and self hatred. I prayed for immediate relief, and one day at twelve years old I found the solution to my own mental prison.
My story is no different than anyone else, I am a person that was born with the disease of addiction. Once I tried my first drug, I felt like my life was complete. Drugs did their job for many years, I felt confident, funny, interesting, fearless, and socially accepted. That voice in my head that told me I wasn’t good enough was quited. I wish I could say that’s how my story went, I found a solution and my life was complete. Drugs destroyed every ounce of human in me. I ripped away my sanity and stripped me of my self respect.
By the time I was 16 years old I was a full blown iv heroin addict. I had dropped out of school, went to my first treatment facility, and was arrested for the first time. From that moment on life didn’t get any better, the ways and means of using became darker by the years. I was chronically homeless and in and out of treatment facilities. I would have sold my soul for the next fix. I had been in and out of prison for many years. I prayed for god to take my life everyday, I saw no hope at the end of the road.
At 21 years old I went to a treatment facility for the 100th time, i left because I wanted to use. When I walked outside I saw someone I knew, she had helped me move to a sober house on Cape Cod. This is where my journey of recovery began. I have been able to maintain my recovery for over eight years. I attend a twelve step fellowship where I have met the most amazing people. I met my husband who is also a person in long term recovery. I have been able to gain self respect and be a productive member of society. I no longer feel hopeless, instead I instill hope in the lives of many people around me, that recovery is possible.
Over the last eight years I have accomplished many things, but most importantly I have found myself. I have been able to have a beautiful daughter, get married, build my relationship back with my family, go to school, find my career, and be an inspiration. I don’t feel trapped in my own mental prison anymore. I am free from active addiction. Life is not easy, but it’s a lot easier when you are in recovery. I am not controlled by a substance anymore, I have dreams again. My recovery has given me a life I never could have imagined. I went from being chronically homeless sleeping outside, to being a homeowner. I went from being a convicted felon, to helping those who are involved in the criminal justice system. I went from years of trauma, to being an inspiration to many people and helping save lives from this disease.