To love oneself is a battle, a journey, difficult but worth the undertaking. I've personally seen the loneliness associated with isolating behaviors, anxieties, and suicidal thoughts. In an overly digital society, why do so many of us feel alone, marginalized, and disconnected? I believe many things trickle down to self-love. We live in a world designed to tear down the relationship we have with ourselves. Bombarded with "ideal" messages of how we should act, look, and be. We become our own hardest critics. Recently, I've been working on saying kind things to myself. Let me tell you, IT IS HARD! But in the course of trying to say positive things, I've noticed a change. A glance in the mirror doesn't yield an immediate jeer but a silly compliment. An awkward stumble yields a humorous comment about how graceful I am. But better yet, kind words don't feel like lies anymore but truths. It has been a difficult endeavor but I have set goals to combat the evil and unkind thoughts that I unconsciously think about myself. I couldn't look in a mirror without thinking something negative. Realizing this was an issue, I started small. I'd say stuff (out loud) such as: "I'm grateful to have a body" and slowly started pointing out details I liked and complimenting things I didn't like ("Look at those cute curves!"). In starting small I began to believe those kind comments. I am applying that same tactic in other ways. Start small, say it out loud (even if it's hard, even if it makes me cry), and asking people I love for help on my journey. I'm nowhere near perfect but I am transforming the energy I used to use negatively into energy used for self-love. It is a journey, but a journey worth taking.

You tell me that I have to choose between this option or that You say hurry your studies along, step up to the bat I have no concept of the world, no idea of its precepts Make a decision quick, yet harbor no regrets I sit in class learning of random equations and facts While I wonder the rules of voting and contracts You claim that you prepare me for the land of life ahead Yet the “simple” responsibilities of adulthood fill me with dread Teach me to apply for colleges, prepare me for adulthood Take time to make sure that I have actually understood Do away with petty standardized tests that fail to show my person Learning to scratch out an answer won’t help me, I’m certain I am not defined by the bubbled letters on a sheet I consist of the arts and music that schools often cheat I am an individual thirsting to learn and develop I have an innate desire that all humans envelop But forcing me to exist in an environment of stress Destroys that desire and inhibits my progress “Raise your hand if you wish to speak” “Sit quiet and listen” Slowly tarnishing the individual which used to shine and glisten “We’ll punish you for tardiness” “Reprimand you for slight violations” Students silently bear these day-to-day frustrations “We are preparing you for life, now memorize useless notes” Please pay careful attention as I force info down your throats “We want you to succeed, now finish this stack of assignments” Please enjoy your life within our defined confinements I am not robot. I cannot be everything in one. I am not a checklist waiting to be done. Stop expecting me to participate in extracurriculars, Obtain a job, finish loads of homework particulars, And change the world with only five hours of rest. Why do you even wonder why students are so stressed? I bet you couldn’t achieve all that is forced upon our backs. Stop shaming us if we don’t achieve honorary plaques. From the past to now everything has evolved, From horseback to automobiles have been installed From paper letters, video calls have been arranged All has improved yet this school system remains unchanged. Suggestions for reform of teens is overdosed But we are not the problem to be diagnosed We are your future, please treat us as persons to be adored And not as complex obstacles, pinned upon your boards.

James Gates Percival once said: "The world is full of poetry". For as long as I can remember, I have always enjoyed viewing the world differently. From the details etched in nature to the words that float between the silence in conversations; beauty is everywhere. Whenever I hike, embark on adventures, engage in photography, or spend time with those I love; I look for those hidden gems that this life has to offer. Life has had its fair share of mountains and valleys for me and poetry became the art form that not only helped me to escape chaos, but to understand my role within the world around me. I have personally witnessed the devastating effects of death, mental illness, chronic illness, and a host of other stones tossed in the delicate flow of life. Writing poetry has helped me to reconcile the heartache by seeking the beauty and joy within the tiny details of this life. I have recently been encouraged to share my writings and have found my words can assist in lifting, serving, and saving others. My artistic dream for the future is to one day publish my poems and ideas so a greater range of individuals can find peace in the knowledge that they are not alone. I desire to inspire others and gently remind them that this life is worth living - even in the darkest moments. Poetry has been a way to set my soul free, I pray maybe it will help unlock yours.

Avatar: The Last Airbender is a powerful example of how a "children's show" can dive beyond pure entertainment and into the depths of inclusion, insight, and strength. Each of the characters have apparent weaknesses that they are challenged to overcome, from trauma-related wounds, physical disabilities, or attaining forgiveness from past blunders. A particular character, Toph, best demonstrates turning a weakness into a strength by using her "earth-bending" skills to overcome her profound blindness. Pushing past fears and established boundaries, Toph works around her blindness and develops into the strongest warrior ever known and even invents a new form of power - known as "metal-bending". This character has impacted me as she demonstrates that you don't have to be flawless, without weakness, or mistake free in order to change the world. Toph inspires me to evaluate my own failings and consider ways I could evolve my shortcomings into strengths.

"To the world, quiet confidence is weakness". Never considering myself to be a person of great renown; always content to exist in the background, away from the spotlight. Society labeled me a supporter, a follower, yet, they failed to realize the absolute potential of silent leadership. Always the careful one. Always the one to be cautious of taking risks. I was driven by my goals but the things that I risked could not be labeled by grandeur tasks such as overcoming an ailment, or defeating a seemingly impossible task of a sports title. I overcame my shyness. I overcame the social anxieties that kept me chained from my goals. I overcame trials and outside influences that threatened to overwhelm me. I took a risk of self, I overcame the challenge of insecurity. I would imagine myself as one who could steal the stage, who could dazzle hundreds with my diction, who could be the talented individual that would capture the hearts and envy of their peers. But a shadowy voice restrained me, whispering of possible failures, taunting me with the talents that I felt I lacked. For years I battled with myself, I kept myself from risks because it would keep me from failure. But one day I decided to change. I didn’t want to live my life in fear of potential mistakes. I loathed the idea of growing old and discovering that in attempts to please the world, I had extinguished my spirit. I started to step out of my comfort zone. Despite being extremely shy, I forced myself to talk to others. The desire to become confident led me to join the choir department. Although I never stole the spotlight in special solos, the act of joining a large team of individuals to perform in front of large audiences was a frightening stepping stone on my path to confidence. It was a risk. A endeavor of courage. Soon choir became more than learning the notes of a piece. I became deeply involved in the department and spending spare moments serving the director and team members in any way possible. I found a voice to share my opinion, to learn the value of friendship and teamwork, and found that I could be successful if I put in the time and effort. Auditions for the varsity choirs were the most taxing event of my choir experience, forcing me to place myself on display before my admired director. Although I was rejected once, I worked hard to improve, failed to quit, and eventually achieved entry to the highest audition choir with a sense of self-confidence placed delicately on my shoulders. Leadership is not found in the spotlight. True leadership is born through the ability to listen to others and the ability to lead by diligent example. To become a leader was a risk to my confidence. But endeavoring to be courageous and emerge from my protective bubble has granted me the grace of friendships, success, and the strength of quiet confidence.

It was my junior year of high school when my sister attempted suicide on four separate occasions. My world was crumbling around me while I struggled to keep my head above the water of school work. I couldn't control the chaos at home so I desperately attempted to control what I could in my education. Mr. White was my AP English teacher. A big fan of Jeeps, a passion for football, and the voice of a military general. He was a man to be listened to and respected, and most students feared him. The week after my sister's second suicide attempt, I was sitting in class working quietly when Mr. White's voice boomed: "Brugger! Outside!". Frightened that I had somehow done something wrong, I followed him to the hallway full of nerves as he closed the classroom door. Suddenly, his voice softened and he began to ask me how I was holding up. With a softness that I never imagined this man to have, he offered to extend assignment deadlines, offered a place of solace in his classroom, and granted permission to take breaks if I ever needed one. I walked back into that classroom slightly confused and incredibly uplifted. I had someone willing to stand by me and who knew of the battles I was fighting. The rest of that semester Mr. White continued to offer, in his unique, gruff manner, assistance and support. It is because of his kindness that I will never forget the boom of his voice or the white scruff around his chin. Beyond his role of instructor, he reminded me that there will always be those who'll stand by you. Furthermore, his genuine care for me caused me to sit up straighter, study harder, and learn better in my classes. Akin to many high school graduates, much of school has faded into memory's blur but I remember distinctly the modules, study skills, and lessons from that English course. This example of leadership pushed me to continue on my education journey. His respect and dedication inspired that young high school student to work smarter and seek achievement. When I reach the end of my scholastic journey, I will continue to raise the memory of Mr. White as a reminder of how to win the silent battles with someone standing at your side.

It is no grand statement for anyone to claim that “life can be hard”. Stumbling blocks appear in flat sidewalks and surprises are often found around the most ordinary corners. This adventure we call “life” is filled with its share of highs and lows. My journey has been no different. I was eight years old when my brother Caleb passed away. He was only two years old and had carried a heavy load of handicaps on his fragile shoulders. Only two years later, my mother was life-flighted across states as her heart failed. She returned home weeks later but her health failed to return with her. A few short years later, my sister fell into a mental pit and was hospitalized four times for several suicide attempts. Over the years, I have become very familiar with hospital waiting rooms. Yet despite all the medical chaos I’ve witnessed, there have been an equal sum of miracles. I firmly believe that stumbling blocks can become stepping stones on the path of life. Though I can’t claim to have loved these difficult experiences, it is these low points that have helped build who I desire to be. I have learned to be more patient, loving, kind, and understanding of others and harbor a greater ability to minister to individuals in similar situations. I have witnessed miracles of healing and blessings of strength to push forward. I feel incredibly blessed to still have my mother and sister in my life. Much of the trials I’ve experienced have directed my path towards good. My struggles have led to a desire to serve and work in a field where therapy can strengthen the brokenhearted, I want to give back the love that was once given to me. Years of hospital visits, ambulance rides, life-saving procedures, and prescriptions have built a staggering wall of medical debt for my family. I sometimes joke that the ambulance station built outside our neighborhood was specifically funded by my family. Because my parents carry these significantly ongoing medical expenses on their shoulders, the burden of tuition and housing is placed on my shoulders. Unfortunately, the algorithm for FAFSA is unable to account for extensive medical debt and expenses, because of this I am unable to receive federal grants for my education. The gift of scholarships would be a huge blessing for my family and I as we battle our unique financial challenges. Without the blessings of scholarships and funding, I fear my scholastic efforts may prove futile in the long run as I so desperately desire to prepare myself to assist others. I look forward to the day where my experiences at university apply to how I go forth and serve others. I am working towards a counseling degree that would allow me to strengthen the feeble knees of those struggling with severe mental illness like my sister did. I strongly believe that my trials provided the backdrop for my college production; fashioning a stage full of dedication, dreams, and aspirations.

It is no grand statement for anyone to claim that “life can be hard”. Stumbling blocks appear in flat sidewalks and surprises are often found around the most ordinary corners. This adventure we call “life” is filled with its share of highs and lows. My journey has been no different. I was eight years old when my brother Caleb passed away. He was only two years old and had carried a heavy load of handicaps on his fragile shoulders. Only two years later, my mother was life-flighted across states as her heart failed. She returned home weeks later but her health failed to return with her. A few short years later, my sister fell into a mental pit and was hospitalized four times for several suicide attempts. Over the years, I have become very familiar with hospital waiting rooms. Yet despite all the medical chaos that I’ve witnessed, there have been an equal sum of miracles. I firmly believe that stumbling blocks can become stepping stones on the path of life. Though I can’t claim to have loved these difficult experiences, it is these low points that have helped build who I desire to be. I have learned to be more patient, loving, kind, and understanding of others and harbor a greater ability to minister to individuals in similar situations. I have witnessed miracles of healing and blessings of strength to push forward. I feel incredibly blessed to still have my mother and sister in my life. Much of the trials I’ve experienced have directed my path towards good. My struggles have led to a desire to serve and work in a field where therapy can strengthen the brokenhearted, I want to give back the love that was once given to me. Years of hospital visits, ambulance rides, life-saving procedures, and prescriptions have built a staggering wall of medical debt for my family. I sometimes joke that the ambulance station built outside our neighborhood was specifically funded by my family. Because my parents carry these significantly ongoing medical expenses on their shoulders, the burden of tuition and housing is placed on my shoulders. Unfortunately, the algorithm for FAFSA is unable to account for extensive medical debt and expenses, because of this I am unable to receive federal grants for my education. The gift of scholarships would be a huge blessing for my family and I as we battle our unique financial challenges. Without the blessings of scholarships and funding, I fear my scholastic efforts may prove futile in the long run as I so desperately desire to prepare myself to assist others. I look forward to the day where my experiences apply to how I go forth and serve others. I am working towards a counseling degree that would allow me to strengthen the feeble knees of those struggling with severe mental illness like my sister did. I strongly believe that my trials provided the backdrop for my college production; fashioning a stage full of dedication, dreams, and aspirations.

"It was not all of it a plot-like life: most of it was just story - one thing after the other - a chain of unnecessary accidents" (The Once and Future King, 495) I remember sitting in my sixth-grade class when the ideas of college and careers were introduced. A flood of anxiety filled my pea-sized body as I thought I had to know what my future would look like right then. In a brightly colored notebook, I transcribed the plan that I thought would dictate my path. The first half ran fairly smoothly - I graduated with high honors, served a wonderful mission, participated in several volunteer organizations, and began my education at Brigham Young University. I was well on my merry way to becoming a Physician's Assistant (PA) and it all felt perfect; until it wasn't. The mission ended and life took one of its dramatic turns. Coming as if from nowhere, fears and anxieties set in. I doubted my abilities, disbelieved my prior interests, and wondered if I even had goals at all. I took a course focused on the ideas of Positive Psychology and my weary soul was set aflame. This course was the crux of the shift in my plans. Though my career goals shifted to becoming a therapist, I still felt lost and confused. Needing guidance, I turned to experienced professors and academic advisors who taught me to: "Put your goals in stone but allow the path to achieve them to be written in the sand". This was impactful, for I had falsely believed that deviating from my original plan was a signal of failure, but this school has shown me that plans do change as orchestrated by a loving and gentle God. These mentors introduced me to tools like BYU Connect, which provided opportunities to interview several wonderful counselors. I learned much from these alumni and left each meeting with a library of exciting book recommendations and an energized feeling. As I took the time to solidify my goals, I came out the other end feeling more confident with myself and excited at the prospect of this career goal change. Although the road ahead isn't sure, I am eager to explore the avenues it'll bring. My education at BYU has directed me to pursue counseling, where my unique skills and experiences could assist others. In addition to my Psychology major I’ve decided upon an Anthropology minor, realizing how a background in various cultures could assist me in ministering to a wider demographic of individuals. This career goal also aligns with my desire to maintain a more flexible schedule as I nurture a future family. Currently, I am seeking to discover and apply for various internships, research, and volunteer experiences that will assist in my career goals for therapy. Much like The Once and Future King, this career journey I am traveling is not plot-like in the least (much to the dismay of twelve-year-old me) but a fluid story filled with stumbles and victories. As I aspire to fill the role God has for me, I look forward to the day I can look back on the story unfolded.

You may be able to completely change the world but you can change the world for one person. Many are familiar with the story of the boy and starfish, where a young lad was found spending time on the shoreline tossing stranded starfish back into the sea. When the lad was ridiculed for his efforts because there was no way he could make a huge difference and save every creature, the boy wisely responded “but I made a difference to this one”. Whilst serving as a missionary in England, I had an innumerable amount of opportunities to reach out and help others. One of the most rewarding lessons I learned was when I was called to serve as a Sister Training Leader for two specific zones of missionaries. Daunted by the responsibility, I was afraid of failing the sister’s I was called to serve. I quickly learned that leadership wasn’t about being the most perfect example but it was loving those you are surrounded by and growing alongside them. I had always believed leadership entailed being “the best” but it truly falls into the category of “trying your best” to lift and assist others. When I returned home from my venture, I had additional opportunities to participate in the service of others. For a summer I worked in a nursing home and gave my energy to treating the residents with the dignity they deserved. I was shocked by my coworkers who failed to remember the humans they worked with and I was disliked because I refrained from engaging in their unkind remarks and behaviors. Though it was difficult, I remember certain residents thanking me for being a “ray of sunshine” and so friendly to them daily. My efforts to maintain their dignity served as a small example of leadership that summer. Making a change doesn’t require massive feats or superhero efforts, but from small and simple steps to better the path for others. Like kicking stones off a heavily trafficked walkway, small efforts can affect whether or not someone stumbles that day. This past year included much fear and confusion, as the world fell backward into a global pandemic, lockdowns, and isolation. As churches, businesses, and schools closed their doors to the public it felt as much of the doors were closed in our personal lives. Suddenly service projects, ministering efforts, and in-person efforts put on sudden brakes to a stand-still, and all was lost; or so it seemed. No longer able to serve in person as I once had in leadership positions in my church and workplaces, I found ways to make a difference on a “smaller” scale. Using the blessing of technology, I frequently reached out to and sent uplifting messages to many individuals. I spent many hours listening to individuals who felt hopeless and lent my shoulder to lean on. Many moments were used in efforts to throw little torches of light to others wandering in the darkened world. Though a comic book may never be written about my minute efforts, I take comfort in knowing I made a difference to at least one.

On a warm summer evening bathed in the golden light of the setting sun, a lady sits quietly on a squeaking rocking chair. A soft breeze dances through her graying hair and caresses the fine lines of wrinkles on her cheeks. Her delicate fingers skim the pages of a well worn scrapbook as she looks back fondly on the best moments of her long life. For as long as she can remember, Hannah felt herself to be adventurous, determined and fairly spunky. She suspected that her fire came from the vibrant hues of her once red hair. Throughout her life, she loved to smile, as etched proudly into her face now. She loved to laugh with friends and loved ones; and embraced any moment she was given to enjoy the small moments in life. As a young girl, Hannah loved collecting items that made her happy. She had small stones and gently pressed leaves that served as reminders of how beautiful life was. Everything around her felt like a direct miracle from God. Her love of nature opened the door to a world of adventures and memories she cherishes to this day, as she had filled her spare hours with hiking, backpacking, camping, exploring, and testing the limits of her courage. She often tried to encapsulate the feeling of joyful living through her talents of photography and writing poetry. The pages of the scrapbook revealed more insights into her life as she looked upon old photos of family members and pets. Family was the most important thing in life to her and nothing could keep her from serving, loving, or spending time with her family. She was obsessed with dogs and jokingly referred to herself as the resident “dog mom” in the household. Growing up was a beautiful and difficult experience, as her family struggled together through death, mental and physical illness, and other trials - but it was these tough moments that strengthened their relationships. Due to her unique trials, Hannah developed a deep love and drive for serving others. In every opportunity she was given from church callings, education, volunteering with nonprofit organizations (such as the American Cancer Society and American Heart Association), and work experiences - she threw her whole soul into serving. With a deep love for learning and a desire to change the world, she engaged in projects to better her community and worked on publishing her poetry and books. Her greatest attributes came from a desire to lift and listen to others in need, especially in her education and career. As the scrapbook closed, the old woman smiled as she recalled the timeline she had lived. Life was beautiful and full of goodness, the memories proved it to be so. Though it may not have been the most astounding story, it was one she was proud of because it was hers.

Feeling passionate about a topic dear to me, I entered a writing competition as a freshman at my university. I was blessed not only to have my essay selected but was asked to present the paper at the school's yearly symposium. I much prefer writing over public speaking but I covered a topic important to me and overcame my anxiety of speaking to present my paper. This experience showed me the importance of jumping on opportunities and not holding yourself back in the face of uncertainty.

"“What is your legacy?” the teacher asks I sit back in my desk and see this task As a tough challenge to see myself through A newfound lens, to step way back and view The individual, that I thought I was. At first I only looked at my many flaws And picked at the loose ends that had never Been completed, despite all endeavors. I realize now that no one is as bright As they wished and will casually invite Thoughts of inadequacy as they think That their lack of some talents is the chink, Gaping wide in their personalities armor. So you may not be an athlete nor a charmer, But just because you don’t have the same Ideas as others does not make you lame. Rather, an individual leaving marks Across the world and placing delicate sparks Of kindness within the hearts of sweet friends. Please ignore medias taunting and trends Because what you have to offer is far More valuable than the shining stars. Now think. What is your personal legacy? You gave your smile and felt no jealousy. You decided to serve others and wanted To make a difference with hope undaunted. You will be leaving behind relationships, As precious and rare as a lunar eclipse. Your beauty was the silent purity, Leading your friends to feel your security. To the persons who took, you only gave And through booming thunder, you smiled brave. You faced the fears of losing all your hope But not even death could force you to mope. You faced clamorous storms and suicide But your faith only became amplified. Late nights working brought about all your dreams, Small hopes and goals became your careful schemes. Maybe your legacy isn’t an award, But due to your efforts, success you have scored. The opportunity to better your heart, And from insecurities you did depart. Even though your road was often long and rough, What you had accomplished simply was enough. You did it! Now cheer, you have made it through, That long years helped discover the real you." I wrote this poem as I considered what "legacy" means to me. I mistakenly believed it involved accolades, fame, and achievement but I have since learned that a "legacy" stretches beyond that of the resume print. Legacy is the taste you leave in people's lives, the memory they recall when your name is spoken, the tender smile of fond memories, and the warmth felt when reaching out a helping hand. My parents were shining examples of paving a shining yet humble legacy. Never an ill word escaped their lips, never a needy soul turned away, never a second thought other than hard work, obedience, and service towards others. They taught me that building oneself into a solace from the darkness of life for others to find safety, is far greater than becoming the most recognized or applauded. I intend to leave this world better than I found it: a little kinder, a little safer, and with a little more humor. I seek to serve without reservation, lift without judgement, and learn without fear of failure. A legacy is far from changing the entire world but is paved by the consistent effort of changing the world for a single individual. One by one.