For as long as I can remember, I've had big dreams. As I step into this next stage of life, my one desire is to fulfill the dreams and goals that are ingrained into my very being. As I think of my dream life, the word that comes to me is 'joy'. In the life that I envision, my days will be filled with joy; although I will encounter trials, I will have an unshakeable joy within me. In my dream life, I will have attended Boston University and graduated with my bachelor's degree in Psychology. I will have explored Boston from one end to another, falling in love with the city each and every day. In my dream life, I will have a beautiful and healthy family. I will marry the one who stirs my heart and will mother children of my own. We will deck our house out in Christmas lights during the holiday season and will celebrate every 'First Day of School' with ice cream outings. In my dream life, I will be a clinical therapist for adolescents struggling with mental health challenges. I will impact the lives of others every day, and I will find great purpose in that. I will have the opportunity to cultivate genuine relationships with those who need them most. The foundation of my dream life will be Jesus Christ. I will raise my children in a way that they know the extent of His love. Through every interaction, I will be a light as I spread the mercy and love of God. I know that my dream life will not always be filled with sunshines and rainbows. But I trust that I will be able to find the sunshine despite how dark it may be.

When I was seven years old, my dad called my brother and me into the kitchen to deliver the horrible news that my aunt had committed suicide. She had been diagnosed with bipolar depression at a young age, and had currently been dealing with postpartum depression. Despite our efforts to supply her with resources and help, she didn't feel that it would ever get better. Being very close with my aunt, this was a difficult concept for me to grasp; if I would've loved her more, would she have stayed? Through therapy, I eventually came to terms with the fact that it wasn't my fault. There's nothing I could've said or done that would've changed the outcome. As I continued to understand what truly happened to my aunt, a fire was lit inside of me. No matter what I ended up doing with my life, I knew that I wanted to make sure people knew they were enough. I wanted to use my voice and actions to help prevent other seven year old children from feeling the way I felt. By the time I was in eighth grade, I thought that I had processed through all the grief and confusion. Although it was something that impacted how I lived my life, it was no longer an event that affected my mental or physical wellbeing. However, all of these emotions instantly resurfaced near the end of my freshman year when one of my best friends confided in me about her suicidal ideations. In that moment, I was transported back to my kitchen as a seven year old. As I listened to my friend tell me about the demons in her head, tears began flowing from my eyes because I couldn't bear the thought of losing her. Thankfully, my friend's story ended much differently than my aunt's. She began therapy and an anti-depressant, which helped tremendously. Although I knew that my words and actions could only do so much, I took every opportunity to remind her of her worth and how important she was to me. Both of these events wholeheartedly have shaped my desire to become a therapist for adolescents dealing with mental health challenges. My aunt's death bore this desire within me, and my friend's circumstances only reaffirmed my yearn to help others in this way. My deepest hope in providing resources to help individuals combat their mental monsters is that I'll be able to remind them just how beautiful life can truly be. In doing so, I hope to prevent children, mothers, fathers, and spouses from feeling the guilt and grief that I've felt. My experiences will help me to make a difference in suicide prevention because I understand the severity and extremity of such situations. I know the possible outcomes that can occur if the right help isn't provided quickly enough. As a therapist, I will have the ability to provide my clients with resources and tools to aid them throughout their mental health journeys. I will be the one who can supply this help. Our society has labeled suicide as a taboo topic. I want to strip it of this label because people will continue to suffer in silence if we continue to not talk about it. Both in my profession and personal life, I want all individuals to know that there is help available. I desire to advocate for those who don't necessarily know how to advocate for themselves.

Sometimes it's difficult for me to recognize the traits that I value within myself. However, despite the self doubt I've encountered, I have always noticed my unwavering optimism. I value my optimistic personality most because it has carried me through unfathomable trials and has left a positive impact on those around me. In today's day and age, it's easy to find things to be negative about. Whether it's the latest news story, or simply being stopped by five red lights in a row... our lives are prone to negative circumstances. But through all this, I see no value in being pessimistic. What do I contribute to the world if I succumb to the negative perspective that so many hold? The answer is nothing. Throughout my time in high school, I battled an eating disorder, anxiety, and depression. It got so bad that I had to withdraw from school during my junior year to focus solely on getting better. There's no doubt in my mind that without my optimism, I would not be living the life I am right now. When the voices in my head became unbearable, I reminded myself that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I slowly began to believe that there was hope for my future. My optimism allowed me to reach a point where everything I had once hoped for had become my reality. The reason I value this characteristic most in myself is because it truly saved my life. It gave me a source of hope when everything around me had turned to darkness. I also quickly found that my optimism was contagious. Countless individuals who I was in treatment with have told me how impactful my smile and positive attitude were throughout their own recovery journeys. While I can't help but be grateful for the way this characteristic has impacted my past, I am confident that it will continue to help me throughout my future. No matter what trials I may face in the years to come, I know and believe that I can withstand anything. Although I may be knocked down time after time, I will never lose the belief that things will get better. In addition to all this, optimism aids me in finding the little things in life to be grateful for. Once I recognized all the beautiful blessings in my life, I began to feel happier and express my thankfulness for such mundane things. I firmly believe that in focusing on all the good aspects within my life, the negative things don't have as much of a hold on me. I want to end with one of my favorite quotes by Dalai Lama: "Choose to be optimistic, it feels better." Life is undoubtably hard; there's no way around that. However, I get to choose to focus on what's good in my life versus what's bad every single day. By deciding to be hopeful for my future that is to come, I have cultivated more joy both within myself and the people closest to me.

Sunsets make me happy. The vibrant colors that fill the sky ignite a flame in my soul unlike any other phenomena I've experienced. During my junior year of high school, I developed a severe eating disorder and was forced to spend three months in a residential level of treatment. It was the most difficult thing I've ever done. However, we ended every single night the exact same way: everybody (patients and staff alike) would stand outside on the back porch and watch the sun go down. While they had intended this to be a moment of peace, it quickly became so much more to me. It became a moment of pride as it proved to me that I had made it through another challenging day. Since that time in my life, sunsets have always held a special place in my heart. On the day that I got out of treatment, my best friend and I had a sunset picnic. During the moment that I watched the sunset with my best friend by my side, my heart mended. All the fear and sadness I had experienced throughout the past year was replaced not just with hope for my future, but with pure happiness. I now have a photo album on my phone entitled "Sunsets That Make Me Smile". I document every sunset I experience because I never want to forget the joy they bring me. As cliché as it may sound, sunsets symbolize that despite the trials each day may hold, every single one will each in a beautiful way. Sunsets are my way of letting go of the past and welcoming the future with open arms. They make the happiest version of myself.

My entire life has been plagued by anxiety. I learned early on that it was something that I had to live with; I did not have a lot of hope that it would get better. Although it made some days unbearable, I was able to get on with life for the most part. It wasn't until I was forced to face this disease head on that I realized the true hold it had on my life. My entire life has been plagued by anxiety. It became clear to me that I would have to learn to live with this disease; truthfully, I did not have a lot of hope that it would get better. Although it made some days unbearable, I was able to trudge through life for the most part. It wasn't until I was forced to face this disease head-on that I realized the true hold it had on my life. In September of 2020, I was diagnosed with anorexia. As a result, my junior year of high school was characterized by residential eating disorder treatment instead of the memories and experiences that I had once dreamed of. Although it's unfathomable to recount how I spent three months isolated away from the rest of the world, the life lessons I learned throughout treatment are ones that I wouldn't trade for anything. I left residential treatment on February 19 of 2021 - the day before my seventeenth birthday. Every moment that had brought me to this event prompted my newfound gratitude for the world. The mundane activities of life now brought me so much joy; the sunsets that lit up the sky with magnificent colors, the sound of my best friends laughing, and the ability to hike about God's creation. I now hold the firm belief that one can only truly appreciate life when it's nearly ripped away from them. This gratitude quickly spread to my relationships as well. Instead of approaching my parents with frustration and annoyance, the only emotion I felt towards them was appreciation. It's easy to recognize all the qualities and blessings that others bring into your life when you're forced to spend such an immense amount of time away from them. During this dark time in my life, I also gained insight into the people who truly cared about me. It would have been so easy for my friends to 'forget' about me. However, I received numerous messages daily from my friends and family illustrating how much they loved me. Ultimately, I learned that a majority of life's purpose is derived from the relationships we have. As I allowed others to see such a vulnerable part of me, I developed connections with them that went far deeper than surface level. To sum it up, I've contemplated long and hard on this question: If I could go back in time and 'prevent' myself from developing an eating disorder, would I? I've decided that my answer is no. In addition to the gratitude it has brought into my life, it has also given me a direction for my future. Because of my past experiences, my goal is to study psychology and become a therapist for adolescents struggling with their mental health. My therapist in treatment saved my life; she helped me to find the hope that I had lost. She has influenced me into wanting to do this for others. It fills me with pure joy to think that I might be able to impact individuals in the same way that I've been impacted. I consider myself lucky to have experienced such a life-altering event. The days that were once filled with sadness, anger, and hopelessness are now filled with laughter, love, and optimism. I chase after happiness and encourage the people in my life to do the same. I never would've thought that I'd be at the place where I'm at now: a senior in high school ready to embark on her next journey. But, I am. I now have numerous life lessons tucked away in my back pocket to aid me throughout all the trials that my future may hold.