I tried to kill myself last August. It was late at night and I was on my computer and all of a sudden I've gotten three bottles of pills in my hand and a knife to my stomach. It was as if I was on auto-pilot that night. I didn't feel like myself. I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience, and I was just watching as I tried to end my life. Funnily enough, I was also the reason I lived that night. I called the police so my father wouldn't have to deal with my body, but they got to me before I could finish the job. I was a completely different person in the hospital; the staff tested me for drugs because they thought I was high. I wasn't, of course. I was just in a manic episode, to explain it best. I didn't calm down until hours later and the entire situation started to weigh on me. A lot of things led up to my attempt: My emotionally abusive mother, my now-diagnosed clinical depression, my worries about my identity, and a whole lot of other factors to be said. I'm a Native American bisexual female, so I've had my fair share of discrimination. That, combined with the various unlawful bills that have been passed (i.e. the overturn of ROE v. WADE, and anti-trans bills in the South) took a toll on my mental health. I felt as if I wasn't being seen as a person. I was worried about the state of my country and how fast we were moving backward. All the progress women, LGBT+, and BIPOC have made over the decades are slowly being pushed down by the government. It scared me. My mindset was 'if they want me gone, it'll be on my terms and not theirs'. This wasn't a good mindset, obviously, but it was the one I had. I was impacted greatly by my attempt. I was sent to a mental hospital for a week, and I met a lot of different kids. Some were great, and some were less then. I was forced out of my shell for a while, and I saw a piece of the world I never knew about before. I learned about some terrible living situations that made me grateful for having my father. From my mental health struggles, my suicide attempt, the various social issues that surrounded me, and my stay at a mental hospital, I ended up learning a lot. I learned that instead of hiding, I needed to be more active in my communities. I also learned that I wasn't alone in my fears; a lot of kids are scared about the unlawful bills being passed as well. I felt seen and heard, and I'll always be grateful for that experience, although it was still a traumatic one. I want to summarize my essay by acknowledging my privilege. Although my life isn't perfect, and I've been dealt some hard cards, I still had a father who supports me and a roof over my head. A lot of youth, especially female, LGBT+, and/or BIPOC youth can't say the same for themselves. America is going backward, and its affected everyone greatly. Hopefully, our voices will be heard and we can fight for our rights again. All I've got left in me is a little hope.

Horror has always encompassed my mind. I was given the unfortunate experience of a traumatic history, from a emotionally-damaging, drug-addicted mother to an attempted suicide. I've always never been great at expressing myself through words, so I started looking into other methods of communication to express myself. I found myself in the world of fanfiction soon after, and discovered just how much I loved writing, particularly in the dark and horror genre. I would type away in the dead of night, letting myself be entranced by my own words and using characters as scapegoats to my own traumas. It was therapeutic, and eventually made me realize that I wanted to share my works to not just the online world, but to the general public. My biggest inspirations for my writings are Stephen King and Edgar Allan Poe; both authors who also had a draw to the darker elements of fiction. I want to create novels like Mr. King, some of which that can garner a level of success as his novels "IT" and "The Shining". It is simply amazing the level of influence he has had on the horror genre, and I hope that I can follow in his footsteps. I also want to write at a level of elegance as Mr. Poe, who's short-story "The Tell-Tale Heart" is one of my most beloved works of literature. Another, albeit smaller, inspiration of mine is Joyce Carol Oates. She dabbles into more darker and taboo themes, and her short story "Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been" captivated me when I first read it in my IB English class. She motivated me to be confident in my darker, more "scary" themes that I was previously not confident in. All of these authors motivated me, honestly. Most people are hesitant when it comes to a career in writing, which leads to a downtick in talented authors pursuing their dreams. I want greatly not to be apart of that statistic, to be one of the very few who don't listen to the people around them and continue into a career of fiction. Ultimately, my goal in life is to be an author of dark and horrific tales that make the reader question their morals, their sanity, and the people around them. Lessons that are taught in these genres I find to be more memorable and popular, and get a person to really think about themselves during their reading of a book. I want to create a sense of fear around my stories, so that the lessons inside them stick to a person even after years have passed. I want to be the amalgamate of Stephen King, Edgar Allan Poe, and Joyce Carol Oates; I want my horrors to petrify messages into the reader, never to be forgotten.

Writing and exploring the dark and horrors of literature is my one and only dream. To be in the same league as Stephen King and/or Edgar Allen Poe would be astounding. Creating novels based upon horror and dark themes is what I was born to do.

Confidence is what makes you. Don't walk into your class clutching your bag in fear. Stand tall and even out your shoulders to let everyone know that you who you are and what you need to do. The more confident you are in yourself, the more likely you are to succeed in whatever task you're doing. That being said, don't let your confidence get to your head. Be assertive, not aggressive. Being kind mixed in with your confidence is what will make you friends and acquaintances with teachers. People will be more comfortable coming to you with their problems, which in turn gives you the chance to work on your socialization and problem-solving skills. Confidence is the key to not just highschool, but to life as a whole. Being confident gives you more opportunities to achieve and grow skills that you can use to better yourself later in life. My social handle is salted_fox