“They all say that it gets better, it gets better the more you grow
Yeah they all say that it gets better, it gets better but what if I don’t?”
I grew up in a small town. Well, for a few years, it was, and then it started expanding, rapidly. It is now one of the most rapidly growing cities in Arizona. My city is constantly under construction, schools are overflowing, our stores are always out of stock. We’re not equipped to handle the growth we got and are continuing to get.
My teenage years were packed with the perceivable struggle of a town that didn’t get better, didn’t grow as stuff grew around it. In quite the literal sense, these lyrics embody my struggles in high school, attempting to get to school when all the roads were closed due to construction, yes. But it’s so much more.
Something people forget to take into consideration is the attitudes of small town people when their city starts to expanding. Small town people don’t like change. They don’t like growth. My entire life, I’ve been surrounded by small town people who were pessimistic about change. Who liked their quiet lives and liked the status quo. That’s perfectly okay for them, but I very quickly learned, around the time of my teenage years, that it wasn’t okay for me. I knew I couldn’t stay where I was. I couldn’t stay stagnant. I needed to grow. And the growth that was available for me if I didn’t actively reach for more wasn’t enough.
With my teenage years came the desire to do more. But I knew I had to start small. I couldn’t grow too fast for the rest of me to catch up. Because just like with my small town, it would cause problems that would compound on each other.
I took a very unconventional approach of quite literally choosing who I would become. I knew what personality traits I wanted to embody. I knew which traits I needed to have to grow like I wanted to, so I took that and I forced myself into situations just out of my comfort zone that would push me in the right direction.
But still, I feared I wouldn’t change as much as I needed to. I feared the attitudes of my small town would catch up to me. I’d learned to embrace change but how long will that last?
For a while, I feared that I’d changed too much. I’d feared I’d lost sight of who I truly was. Maybe the lyrics at this point aren’t about not being able to grow enough, but what if they were about growing in the wrong way?
I needed to take a step back, so I did. I took a summer to search for my wants, my goals, my fears, my weaknesses, my strengths, everything. Who I wanted to be, away from outside forces.
Did it work? I don’t know. What is adolescence but a flurry of confusion and self-reflection only to repeat the cycle until you finally, maybe, settle on something. Until you latch onto something.
So I did.
“They all say that it gets better, it gets better the more you grow
Yeah they all say that it gets better, it gets better but what if I don’t?”
The fear that has plagued me my entire adolescence has become less intimidating when I got people to share my hopes, fears, and goals with. We help each other get better, and we hold each other accountable when we don’t.