Someone that I love struggles with mental health. My wonderful husband pushes back against his mental illness daily while continuing to care for our family. My experiences being his partner have changed how we care for our family, interact with friends and loved ones, how I care for my patients as a nurse, and how I understand the world.
When we started our relationship, I would say that my husband was the strong one. I was a young single mother coming out of a relationship that had kept me financially reliant on government programs and stolen my confidence. My ex would have loved to have kept me quiet and in the house, with no options. The immediate difference in attitude between him and my husband was shocking. My husband saw a strong woman in me, unable to get out, so he helped me to see her too. He supported me endlessly as I went back to school, first in vocational programs and then college level. He became a wonderful, active stepfather. We grew our home and family together.
While I was completing challenging academic programs, his own challenges began to emerge. He had experienced a difficult upbringing, including divorce, abuse, sexual assault, and a parent who drank and drugged. It had always seemed as though he had overcome the odds and left his childhood behind him to become a stronger man. However, when the pressure was on during my last semester of nursing school, the residual products of this past became too much to handle. He was spiraling in clinical depression and anxiety. His medications were not working. He was passively suicidal all of the time, and finally, his thoughts had moved past passive suicidal ideation. It was time for me to be his rock.
I created an intervention of sorts for him. I asked a few trusted friends to come over and talk to him with me about going to a treatment center for help. He was resistant at first. But then it was revealed that he felt scared that he was not going to make it out of his depression, and this could be his only chance. Admitting him was terrible, and the wait for him to be well enough to come home was exhausting. Medications were adjusted, and the beginnings of a regimen that works for him were implemented. I am so grateful for that hospital stay, because it got us back on track and quite possibly saved his life. Now, we must keep tabs on his mental wellness every day, but he has been able to return to being my partner as we both navigate his mental health journey together.
I understand from these experiences that each family member in my house has different needs and that we are each a priority. We must prioritize the mental health of my husband as a pillar in our relationship and family life. All our higher needs stand on this basis of maintaining mental health for each of us. It has also changed my thinking in my professional life. As an aspiring midwife, I am now acutely aware of postpartum depression and general depression in the clinic patients whom I see. The social and psychological needs of these patients hold a different urgency for me than some of my colleagues because of my experiences, and I believe that I will treat them more effectively because of it. As I continue my education, we work to maintain a high level of wellness in our home. Some days are harder than others. I believe that I am stronger and more compassionate because of these experiences and will take them with me always.