Loss is one of the most unfortunate things that we humans experience. Although life is not forever, and we will all depart one day, death is still something that takes a complex tool on us. Losing someone close to you is traumatic, especially when grieving and feeling much regret. Growing up, I was very fortunate not to experience the loss of someone close to me. I never really directly knew people who had passed. I, therefore, never really knew how to deal with it. I was not familiar with the experience and the feeling. I did not know how to comfort friends who were dealing with it. November 3, 2021, was one of the saddest days in my life. My grandmother had unfortunately passed. My grandmother was from Angola and lived in Europe for almost twenty years. She hated it and wanted to go back to her home country. Unfortunately, my grandmother and I never really had a good bond. We were constantly arguing when I was younger. When my grandmother came to live with us because my mother was going to take care of her, her behavior towards me changed. She was nice to me but would argue a lot with my mother. At that time, I viewed my grandmother as a very bitter and ungrateful woman. I was clueless that she just wanted to go back to Angola so she could spend her last days in the country she loved the most. She felt like nobody wanted to let her go back, but that was not the case. At that time, she would try to bond with me, but I would act very distant toward her. In 2020 her wish finally came through. She went back to Angola to live with my family there but unfortunately passed a year later. When I heard the news early in the morning, it felt unreal. I was mad at the people who were supposed to take care of her. I felt much regret because I did not have a bond with her at all. Everyone had beautiful memories of her except me. I felt guilty for not calling her even when she had to go to the hospital a week before her death. Everything made me realize that I do not have any grandparents left, which hurt me a lot, so I shut down. I did not show how sad I was because I felt like I did not deserve to be sad because of my behavior towards her. Despite my sadness, I also found peace with the fact that she is not suffering anymore and that her last wish, which was going back to Angola, came through, and that wherever she is, she is reunited with her family and my grandfather. I hope that despite everything that happened between us, she found peace and is watching over me. My grandmother had been through a lot, but she has always been a strong woman who would go after what she wanted and help others. Despite our difference, I believe that we were very similar in many ways, which might be the reason why we bumped heads a lot. Her legacy motivates me to keep going after goals and not give up no matter the circumstances. I am currently facing many setbacks, but I know that if she were still here, she would push me to keep going. She would have said that in our family, there is no such thing as giving up. We keep going till we reach the end of the tunnel. The loss of my grandmother made me realize that life is way too short to be arguing about things that do not matter. We cannot rewind time, so make up now and do not wait till tomorrow. My grandmother had many kids but also raised many kids who were not her own. Therefore, I want to fight and help children from very tough backgrounds. I want people to remember me as someone who helped many people just like she did. I am studying Film and Screen Studies not only because I want to start a Film Production company but also because I want to start my own community center for children from low-income households so that they can explore their creative side, whether it is screenwriting or editing. Whatever they want. I want to give these children a safe space, just like my grandmother did for all the people she had helped in the past.

I am a keen and imaginative filmmaker who speaks five languages. Creating a film is my way of escaping reality and entering a new imaginary world, which I have created myself. Growing up in a household that contains different cultures, and being surrounded by several languages, has given me the ability to view things from different perspectives. It has given me the privilege of relating to many people from different backgrounds, which is advantageous for my future career as a filmmaker; Especially if you want to create a film that impacts people. There is a massive lack of women like me in the film industry, a Dutch, dark brown-skinned woman of Angolan and Portuguese descent. It could be due to the lack of representation of women from the Lusophone community; it could also be due to fear of not evolving into this department. Thankfully, some Brazilian women are representing us, however, even they are hardly represented in films. Most are white-passing Brazilians, or they are playing a Hispanic character in a movie. I want to make a change in that department. I want to represent women from my community, women from the Lusophone community. We come in all shapes and shades, and I want to be able to bring that on the screen. My goal is to create an imaginary world where every person, regardless of age, race, ethnic background, sexual preferences, or social status, can feel represented and welcomed.

Humans can get inspired by every living creature in the world. Your greatest inspiration could be your mother, your brother, your favorite celebrity, or your high school teacher. One of my biggest inspirations is the woman I see every day in the mirror; this woman has walked through the most prolonged and darkest tunnel but eventually reached the finish line after a long and painful walk. When someone is passionate about a particular goal, that goal will never leave his mind. It will be his first thought when he wakes up and his last thought when he goes to bed. That woman in the mirror was so determined to study in the United States that she worked two jobs while being in high school. She even flew out all by herself from Europe to Los Angeles to visit a school and get a student loan. Every bank that she entered told her the same thing: ‘[she] could not get a student loan without a cosigner who is a US citizen,’ which felt for her like a slap in the face because she did not have one. She would walk down the streets of Santa Monica, crying because her dreams were falling apart right in front of her eyes, but she never gave up. She kept fighting and doing her research till she could find a way to reach her goal and she eventually managed to find a way. The woman in the mirror that inspires me every day is me. My past and all the obstacles I have faced drives me to never give up on my dreams because miracles do exist, even for people who do not come from wealthy backgrounds.