During the second semester of my freshman year of college, I woke up to a text from my mother letting me know that my grandmother was in the hospital and that she wasn't going to make it. It felt like my heart dropped down to my stomach and my world was falling apart. My mother was a single mother who had to raise me and my brother but my grandmother was always there to help raise us. To me, it didn't just feel like I was losing my grandmother but also someone who was a constant in my whole life, someone I loved and trusted more than anyone else, someone who was like a parent to me. I immediately left Albany and traveled home to Brooklyn hoping I would make it in time to see my grandmother. The next morning I visited her in the hospital and that afternoon she passed away. During COVID, my grandmother found out she had ovarian cancer and during the chemo process, she got leukemia which is what ended up taking her away from me. The following week, we sat shiva for my grandmother and I honestly don't think I began to process what was really happening until it was time for me to get driven back to school. I remember breaking down, being torn between staying home and mourning the woman I cared about so much and holding up my personal responsibility to finish the last two months of my freshman year. I think going back to school became a way to distract me from what I had lost. If I just focused on the final exams and papers then I could pretend like my whole life didn't just change in a way that I could never undo. It was when I came home for the summer that things really started to unravel. I had nothing left to distract me, forced to face the reality of my situation. When things got stressful I could no longer run to my grandmother's for hugs and chocolate ice cream. I would no longer eat her cooking or hear her voice or watch Jeopardy with her. I think my grandmother herself was what contributed to my resilience in continuing with my education. Even though she was gone, I will always remember the strong and intelligent woman she was, someone who I strive to be one day. She was so proud that I was in college and that I was getting ready to take on the world that I think it would be shameful to her memory if I didn't continue that journey for myself. I still miss her every single day of my life, after all, she was my safe space in human form, but I'd like to believe that wherever she is now she's proud of how I'm doing.

Growing up, I have always suffered with mental illness. When I was about 8 years old the only friends I had became my bullies. I was met with insults and mockery every single day of school and the worst part is that I had to face it alone. For the next 6 years of my life I was unable to make friends no matter what I tried and that type of isolation negatively impacted my mental health in a terrible way. I had these terrible thoughts in my head for years that I was going to be alone forever and that there was something wrong with me that made others not want to befriend me. I hated myself for years and felt like I couldn’t tell anyone because they would say I was being overdramatic or making a big deal out of nothing. After years of suffering in silence, someone helped me finally make the choice to start seeing a therapist. Even though I was terrified to talk to someone about what I was dealing with, going to therapy was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Getting professional help for my problems has allowed with me to deal with them in a healthy way instead of suffering in silence which only made things worse. Now that I know how important therapy was for me, I want to be able to help others suffering from mental illness be able to realize the same for themselves. Getting help shouldn’t be something feared, it should be something encouraged for those suffering from mental illness. If I could help even one person battling with mental illness be positivley impacted from the help they’ll receive with therapy, then I can pay forward the same help that was given to me. Additionally, I’ve had to deal with my relationships in life being negatively impacted by mental health struggles. I deal with a lot of self-doubt that has caused me to abruptly end friendships and even prevent myself from becoming friends with people who could’ve had a great impact on my life. I have opened up to people and had them walk out on me because of my mental health issues. Not only has that made me feel isolated because of my mental health but also deepen the trust issues that I have already had. My experiences with relationships have made it seem impossible for me to make new friends and open up to the ones I already have. Finally, my struggle with mental illness has showed me how easy it is for someone to hide their true feelings. I know from first hand experience how easy it is to act happy and like everything is okay when really you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. I know how easy it is to be labeled as lazy or unmotivated because your depression hits so hard that you don’t even have the energy to get out of bed and brush your teeth in the morning. Knowing these things and experiencing them in my own life has allowed me to become more understanding and realize that you never truly know what’s going on with someone and what they are dealing with. While mental health has had a negative impact on my life it has also allowed me to have a deeper understanding of others and the potential issues they are going through. I may be a more insecure person because of my mental health issues I would also like to believe they have made me kinder and more understanding as a human being. I also believe that there needs to be a bigger and more open conversation about mental health in today’s society so people could understand that its not something to fear in someone else or yourself

When I was about 8 years old the only friends I had became my bullies. I was met with insults and mockery every single day of school and the worst part is that I had to face it alone. For the next 6 years of my life I was unable to make friends no matter what I tried and that type of isolation negatively impacted my mental health in a terrible way. I had these terrible thoughts in my head for years that I was going to be alone forever and that there was something wrong with me that made others not want to befriend me. I hated myself for years and felt like I couldn’t tell anyone because they would say I was being overdramatic or making a big deal out of nothing. After years of suffering in silence, someone helped me finally make the choice to start seeing a therapist. Even though I was terrified to talk to someone about what I was dealing with, going to therapy was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Getting professional help for my problems has allowed with me to deal with them in a healthy way instead of suffering in silence which only made things worse. Now that I know how important therapy was for me, I want to be able to help others suffering from mental illness be able to realize the same for themselves. Getting help shouldn’t be something feared, it should be something encouraged for those suffering from mental illness. If I could help even one person battling with mental illness be positivley impacted from the help they’ll receive with therapy, then I can pay forward the same help that was given to me.

Growing up, I have always suffered with mental illness. When I was about 8 years old the only friends I had became my bullies. I was met with insults and mockery every single day of school and the worst part is that I had to face it alone. For the next 6 years of my life I was unable to make friends no matter what I tried and that type of isolation negatively impacted my mental health in a terrible way. I had these terrible thoughts in my head for years that I was going to be alone forever and that there was something wrong with me that made others not want to befriend me. I hated myself for years and felt like I couldn’t tell anyone because they would say I was being overdramatic or making a big deal out of nothing. After years of suffering in silence, someone helped me finally make the choice to start seeing a therapist. Even though I was terrified to talk to someone about what I was dealing with, going to therapy was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Getting professional help for my problems has allowed with me to deal with them in a healthy way instead of suffering in silence which only made things worse. Now that I know how important therapy was for me, I want to be able to help others suffering from mental illness be able to realize the same for themselves. Getting help shouldn’t be something feared, it should be something encouraged for those suffering from mental illness. If I could help even one person battling with mental illness be positivley impacted from the help they’ll receive with therapy, then I can pay forward the same help that was given to me.

From the minute you are born the world places expectations onto you. You’re expected to grow up, get good grades, go to college and get a good job. The older you get the more pressure you feel to follow these expectations and not break the mold that society has created. When you live each day knowing how much is expected of you, its hard to feel inspired or driven. However, there is one thing that never fails to make me feel like there is more to life than what was planned for me and that is music. No matter what mood I’m in there is always a song to describe what I’m feeling. Music has allowed to be to figure myself out in a way nothing else has and inspires me like nothing else. Whenever I need to get work done for school I just put my earbuds in and block the rest of the world out. It makes me feel confident and like I can achieve anything. It seems crazy that something so simple can make me feel so amazing but its the truth. Additionally, I really enjoy creative writing and listening to music while I write allows me to create these amazing worlds with just a pen and a piece of paper. Music is actually what helped me discover my love for writing. I’d listen to songs and get all of these ideas inside of my head. I didn’t know what else to do but write them down so I would journal my thoughts while listening to music. I was then able to turn my thoughts into stories and really flourish as a writer. Music has always been in my life. Although its importance in my life has greatly increased as I got older, its effect never has. It inspires me to explore new interests and believe in myself more. Music makes me feel like I can achieve anything and if I can achieve anything then I can go to college, get a career that mkaes me happy and live the life I want instead of the one others want me to live.