The funny thing about life is that it doesn’t care if you’re ready, it just happens.
The brain’s response to trauma is to protect. It wants you to forget, even though it is hard when it feels like you can see the events replay over and over. It was a sunny morning in a month which had been suppressed from my brain. “Genesis..Genesis wake up!” says my sister. I remember wanting her to shut up, but I could smell her fear once I realized what was happening.
My father was my protector, my best friend. When I was younger, I could just sit and talk to him. We had a handshake, which we treasured a lot. In a said handshake, we would make a bird’s wings with our hands. We were the “Fly Team”, and no one could touch us. Like people always say, “times change.” It is hard mourning someone who isn’t even dead. I never realized that my father suffered from mental health issues until that morning. While the gun was pointed at his head, I realized that he suffered through so much agony. Just like the sea, my father had so much more to him than the eye could see, good and bad. When my father went outside, I quickly called the police. As I waited for the trigger to be pulled, I cried. This was the end. This would be the biggest moment of my life, the time my best friend killed himself before my eyes. I still remember the taste of grief. Luckily, he never pulled the trigger. The police came, which seems like a good thing, but it would actually lead to his arrest. The story is too long to tell, but through it all, I learned that through every situation there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
I dealt with the shame and regret of the 911 call for months after that event. My father was extradited to California, and I felt like it was all my fault even though it wasn’t. Through it all, I learned that things happen for a reason, even the bad stuff. On the other side of every obstacle is a greater lesson. The lesson that I learned was to not blame myself for things that I cannot control. It is not my fault my father had unfinished business. The biggest thing that I had to remember was that I was strong, and I couldn't blame myself for everything.
In the future, I wish to help my community with my compassion. Through everything that I have gone through and seen, I have discovered my faith. In my darkest moments when I thought I could be nothing, the Lord always picked me up and told me who I was. My faith is what helped me to succeed through my 4 years of high school. When I graduated, I was #22 in my class with a 4.0. On top of that, I was the first black girl in my grade to be recognized as honors in the line at graduation. I have won numerous awards, one being the first-ever CTAE Student of the Year at my high school. I value community outreach, and most importantly, being a friend. Something as small as a compliment or a text can help change someone’s mood completely. A true leader will always value connection over completion. My past situation does not define where I am going, but has given me the strength and knowledge to grow into the woman I am today.