As I lie in my dark and cold bedroom, I can’t help but think that I’m an alien in my skin. The sensation of loneliness and hopelessness overwhelms me and causes stray tears to fall down my face. ‘When will this ever end?’ I ask myself, ‘Will I ever be released by the inner demons that are trying to hold me back from reaching my potential self?’. It has been like this for years: wandering carelessly in empty and barren pathways, through gardens of weeds and vines, sailing away in a deep and dark ocean that holds many of life’s mysteries. I hear my parents call out my name from the living room, almost as if they’re desperate for a response this time. ‘I can’t do it; I can’t tell them why I’m crying; I don’t have an explanation for how I feel’ the confused and distressed voice in my head cries out. In fear of confrontation, I rush to the bathroom and lock myself in there in a matter of 10 seconds out of routine and habit. Through the irony of it all, I feel almost at peace being alone in the empty yet fulfilling room. The numerous incomprehensible loudly whispered thoughts slow down while I cuddle up in a ball on the floor and smile through my reddened and dampened eyes. ‘This is the end; this is what peace feels like.' Every time I’d encounter a minor inconvenience or suppressing thought that would ruin my day, I’d always turn to the bathroom floor for whatever comfort I sought at the time. Whether it was the coolness of the tiles against my flustered cheeks cooling me off or the softness and warmth of the grey rug, I always felt at ease and I knew that I would be able to sort out my problems and worries within the peace it brought upon me. Or maybe it was the familiar feeling of it all: like a mother giving a sorrowful baby a hug or a kiss on the forehead, or a dad patting his son on the back after he wins the state championship for his team. Through the countless weeks that dragged out into months and eventually years, I learned how to safely cope with my inner anxieties. People claim that one is capable of finding themselves out from going to an exotic country for any other mission trip, or looking death in her eyes, or even being saved by a religious persona they worship. Although it was unexpected, I was able to discover my inner self by figuring out problems on the floor of my bathroom in my average four-bedroom home. Resilience and a lot of self-encouragement helped shape me into the person I am today. Without the multitudinous nights and days of weeping and hoping for a new beginning, I wouldn’t have accomplished what I have most recently. Overall confidence was built and although I’m still young, the roadblock in my brain was cleared up from the fog and I can see clearer with what my purpose is in life. I’ve also confronted what was thought of as sacred monsters in the inner depths of my soul and have sorted everything out from there. Nights do still feel lonely and I still feel like I don’t have a place in this cruel and unfair world, but I no longer turn to the safe place I unintentionally established. Rather, I turn to those who I know care about me and will sacrifice their life’s earnings to help me solve yet another issue I may overthink. The uncertainty I faced on a daily basis about what I want to do is still holding me back from achieving my potential higher status in life, but I hope to take what I've learned and apply it to constant self-encouraging actions and words to continue to help me not cave into my temptations. Through the experiences I’ve faced, the importance of self-discovery has made its toll on my life and I’m forever grateful to have gone through what I have.

Growing up, I've always admired doctors and nurses that have saved and changed lives. My encounters with numerous healthcare providers aided in the development of an instinct to helping people as needed even if it wasn’t in my own best interest. As a young child, I would help my parents out around the house, take care of my younger brother, and be the delegated babysitter at all family gatherings. My desire is to become a travel nurse so I can help people around the country and eventually the world while simultaneously enjoying what I do. I want to give back to my community and the healthcare field as they have done the same for millions across the world. Whether it be through serving for a local homeless shelter or volunteering at a hospital, my goals with what I have in mind include giving as much relief and happiness to those who don't have the same luxuries as I and others do. Watching the news and hearing conversations at my job and school regarding the current condition of America and the Coronavirus pandemic has ignited a flame within me to push harder to fight for what's right. Being someone who consistently puts others before themselves to make them happy has been a struggle of mine for years. However, I've been able to change my mindset into making myself believe that being empathetic does more justice than being apathetic. Having a positive effect on my peers has always been a core value of mine and will continue to be when I pursue my career in Nursing. My junior year of high school was a pivotal moment in my motivation in going to college and becoming more involved. I ran for a position on the Student Council board, helped establish the International Student Organization, joined more clubs, participated in more community service opportunities, and applied for the EMT program. In all, I saw the path I had to embark on to prepare myself for college and the career I wished to pursue. I hope to achieve something greater than myself, something larger than what has already been done. I'm still experiencing criticism and judgment for who I am going based on the color of my skin or my heritage and I'd never want any child in America to encounter the same situations as I did. The disadvantages I have battled created the person I know myself as today, all the words of discouragement and belittling strengthened my character in a way that helped define and elucidate my need to feel empathetic to others. This past year has been an experience for thousands of Americans and it has encouraged me to continue to be an activist for change in my community and the people I come into contact with.

2020 is surrounded by a cloud of negativity. As humans we have an inclination to panic when things don't go as expected, condemning others, and reflecting our own guilt onto them. And yet, while change is difficult, I see it as merely a test that I must work to conquer on my own. Growing up is all about self-discovery in unanticipated places; of course, a global pandemic was never on my agenda, but when I reflect on last year and my journey through everything, two words come to mind: recognition and transformation.     When I look back on life before everything shut down, I realize that I was free to go wherever I wished, to be as close to anyone as I pleased, and to invest heavily in anything that happened around me. While I used to believe that I was a social butterfly who belonged in any environment, when I was at home with only my family, I soon realized that using other people as a diversion was just a way for me to stop examining myself. Throughout quarantine, I was able to learn to love myself and others, stop stressing over small things, and focus on how my actions now impact the grand scheme of life.      On the surface level, this new-found confidence may seem typical but transformed into something that was life-changing. In school, I quickly became more confident in my actions, relationships, and achievements. My grades have seen a steady boost and my connections have become healthier and more consistent and have resulted in an increase in motivation and resilience within myself. Furthermore, this discovery has had a great impact on my professional life. In the medical field, physicians work in an environment where there is a lot of confusion and change. The human body is incredibly complicated, and medical research seems to be limitless and there is constantly more to learn. However, the confidence we hold in our knowledge, actions, and end-results is the key to success. It's easy to become paralyzed by indecision in the face of so much uncertainty. However, since most physicians' jobs require continual diagnostic or therapeutic decision-making, we can't do our jobs without a certain amount of confidence.      While gaining confidence may seem simple, confidence equips you with the skills and coping mechanisms necessary to deal with defeats and disappointment. While self-assurance does not guarantee that you will not make mistakes, it does allow you to realize you're capable of coping with issues rather than being paralyzed by them. Confidence pushes us to be able to prevent us from beating ourselves up even though things don't come out the way you had anticipated. 2020 was a year of unexpected events that allowed me to build a foundation of confidence I haven't had before, further aiding in the process of becoming a stronger and better person than my previous known self. 

The world we live in today has allowed us to reflect on our nation's history as well as potentially improving the way we learn and how it will affect those around us. There has been a debate on whether we should focus our intentions on the students of the future or provide resources for the current generation and its people. As a minority young woman who is passionate about seeing change and providing help to those who need it most, I believe we should begin transitioning our efforts to the young and enthusiastic to ensure the future goes well. The human brain is a complex organ that enables actions and thoughts that are unique to every individual. Science has proven that the brain will continue to develop until early adulthood which opens an opportunity for children to become their own self through personal experiences. It is described that a child's brain is a sponge ready to soak up all surrounding water in the form of education provided by their peers. With people who already have a role in society, there isn't much one can do to improve their status unless they go out and seek enriching opportunities. The comparison between the present generation and future ones is difficult in a way that the available resources are drastically different and their ease of accessibility. Just like how we all grow and advance as a whole, so should the focus. The present generation has done wonders for our local communities and affected how we interact with one another. However, there comes a point where everything that has been done needs to be put into action and use. Focusing on the present generation has its own benefits, but the future holds thousands if not millions of young minds that can continue to make the world a better place. With the predicted trend of minds getting smarter and more intelligent throughout generations, we need to begin catering to those possibilities rather than continuously fighting a battle that has been fought for years. The importance of ensuring the future goes well for generations to come is rooted in the core belief of parents providing a better life for their children by pushing them to become more involved in their communities by volunteering or committing to various extracurricular activities that cater to their desires and interests. Without this, today's society wouldn't be as advanced as it is and its people would still be the same as one would be two hundred years ago. Focusing on ensuring a better future for generations to come is an idea that some aren't open to. If making the world more suitable for uprising citizens of the society we currently live in is considered important now, the possibility of it becoming true will increase highly. If this mindset is adopted, advancements in technology and means of transportation and communication will continue to improve as well. Groundbreaking discoveries, passionate leaders, innovative educators, abstracted scientists, humane nurses and doctors, and altruistic philanthropists will come from preparing the children of today and tomorrow; and if our efforts are withheld due to not focusing on ensuring a better future, we will be put on a self-inflicted standstill without a reasonable way to advance. It's not whether or not we should help and focus on the present generation or future ones, rather it's how we view our lives changing in the next hundred years. The future holds numerous probabilities and it depends on if we chose to embrace the unknown or hideaway for it in fear.