I used to always be happy, but that all changed sophomore year. In kindergarten, I used to be called the name “smiley” by all the janitors when I walked by to dump my tray from lunch. Sophomore year was when I started to get more involved with my mental health and others. I never knew drugs, the topic of depression and anxiety would be involved and it would cause so many issues. Who knew one small pill could change so many things? We all are told to not do drugs because they make you crazy and mess with your head…but there’s so much more to it. I never have touched a drug in my life, it was my ex who did. Our relationship was based on a toxic friendship where we would go to each other and talk about our problems, mine was anorexia and his was depression and anxiety. Eventually, we talked more and more and we made each other feel better. Later on, we ended up dating, this relationship started at the beginning of the summer going into my junior year. The relationship started great, we always talked, laughed and could just hang out. But that was until a few weeks in when we started hanging out and going on more dates. I saw scars on his legs. That day forever changed me. I had no idea how depression was so severe. I found out he had tried to commit a few weeks before we started dating, and that he was using many drugs to forget about his sadness. In addition to that, a lot of alcohol was used too. I told him that was bad for him and that he should consider going to a therapist, but he said he already went through therapy didn’t help because the first question he was asked was if he had ever tried to commit suicide and he lied and said no. Everyone knows if you can’t accept your problem, you can’t get rid of it. Unfortunately, I stayed in the relationship after finding out all of these things because I thought I could fix him, and help him. But I voided out the fact that one can not be helped if they do not want to change or be helped. He had anger issues and it was scary because I felt in danger but I would always convince myself that he loved me and would never hurt me, but if that was true then he would have never put me in the position of having to worry about him 24/7 because he drank so much when I was not with him, he would not try all these drugs and laugh about it and then traumatically tell me about it and tell me it was no big deal. Eventually enough became enough and our relationship became more toxic and hurt too much. My mental health was terrible by the end of the relationship, and I saw a side of myself that I never thought I would see. I was constantly sad and angry and everyone, even the people I loved like my friends and family. I started to get constant anxiety attacks and thought more depressive things. I ended up telling my parents and my doctor and went to therapy for a while. I am proud and happy to say that I am done with therapy and have realized even though the relationship was traumatic and painful, good things came from it. I now want to return the favor and help those who want help.

I used to always be happy, but that all changed sophomore year. In kindergarten, I used to be called the name “smiley” by all the janitors when I walked by to dump my tray from lunch. Sophomore year was when I started to get more involved with my mental health and others. I never knew drugs, the topic of depression and anxiety would be involved and it would cause so many issues. Who knew one small pill could change so many things? We all are told to not do drugs because they make you crazy and mess with your head…but there’s so much more to it. I never have touched a drug in my life, it was my ex who did. Our relationship was based on a toxic friendship where we would go to each other and talk about our problems, mine was anorexia and his was depression and anxiety. Eventually, we talked more and more and we made each other feel better. Later on, we ended up dating, this relationship started at the beginning of the summer going into my junior year. The relationship started great, we always talked, laughed and could just hang out. But that was until a few weeks in when we started hanging out and going on more dates. I saw scars on his legs. That day forever changed me. I had no idea how depression was so severe. I found out he had tried to commit a few weeks before we started dating, and that he was using many drugs to forget about his sadness. In addition to that, a lot of alcohol was used too. I told him that was bad for him and that he should consider going to a therapist, but he said he already went through therapy didn’t help because the first question he was asked was if he had ever tried to commit suicide and he lied and said no. Everyone knows if you can’t accept your problem, you can’t get rid of it. Unfortunately, I stayed in the relationship after finding out all of these things because I thought I could fix him, and help him. But I voided out the fact that one can not be helped if they do not want to change or be helped. He had anger issues and it was scary because I felt in danger but I would always convince myself that he loved me and would never hurt me, but if that was true then he would have never put me in the position of having to worry about him 24/7 because he drank so much when I was not with him, he would not try all these drugs and laugh about it and then traumatically tell me about it and tell me it was no big deal. Eventually enough became enough and our relationship became more toxic and hurt too much. My mental health was terrible by the end of the relationship, and I saw a side of myself that I never thought I would see. I was constantly sad and angry and everyone, even the people I loved like my friends and family. I started to get constant anxiety attacks and thought more depressive things. I ended up telling my parents and my doctor and went to therapy for a while. I am proud and happy to say that I am done with therapy and have realized even though the relationship was traumatic and painful, good things came from it. I now want to return the favor and help those who want help.

I used to always be happy, but that all changed sophomore year. In kindergarten, I used to be called the name “smiley” by all the janitors when I walked by to dump my tray from lunch. Sophomore year was when I started to get more involved with my mental health and others. I never knew drugs, the topic of depression and anxiety would be involved and it would cause so many issues. Who knew one small pill could change so many things? We all are told to not do drugs because they make you crazy and mess with your head…but there’s so much more to it. I never have touched a drug in my life, it was my ex who did. Our relationship was based on a toxic friendship where we would go to each other and talk about our problems, mine was anorexia and his was depression and anxiety. Eventually, we talked more and more and we made each other feel better. Later on, we ended up dating, this relationship started at the beginning of the summer going into my junior year. The relationship started great, we always talked, laughed and could just hang out. But that was until a few weeks in when we started hanging out and going on more dates. I saw scars on his legs. That day forever changed me. I had no idea how depression was so severe. I found out he had tried to commit a few weeks before we started dating, and that he was using many drugs to forget about his sadness. In addition to that, a lot of alcohol was used too. I told him that was bad for him and that he should consider going to a therapist, but he said he already went through therapy didn’t help because the first question he was asked was if he had ever tried to commit suicide and he lied and said no. Everyone knows if you can’t accept your problem, you can’t get rid of it. Unfortunately, I stayed in the relationship after finding out all of these things because I thought I could fix him, and help him. But I voided out the fact that one can not be helped if they do not want to change or be helped. He had anger issues and it was scary because I felt in danger but I would always convince myself that he loved me and would never hurt me, but if that was true then he would have never put me in the position of having to worry about him 24/7 because he drank so much when I was not with him, he would not try all these drugs and laugh about it and then traumatically tell me about it and tell me it was no big deal. Eventually enough became enough and our relationship became more toxic and hurt too much. My mental health was terrible by the end of the relationship, and I saw a side of myself that I never thought I would see. I was constantly sad and angry and everyone, even the people I loved like my friends and family. I started to get constant anxiety attacks and thought more depressive things. I ended up telling my parents and my doctor and went to therapy for a while. I am proud and happy to say that I am done with therapy and have realized even though the relationship was traumatic and painful, good things came from it. I now want to return the favor and help those who want help.

We are all told diversity is important. But I feel as though not everyone truly understands why. Diversity not only means having people who are different in race and religion but in many other things. There can e diversity in personality, where we come from, what we believe, etc. Being able to be different is an essential key to advancing the medical and healthcare field, and being able to collaborate with others who are different is even more important than ever. Being able to work with others who are different allows us to see new perspectives and come up with new ideas. With healthcare collaboration, it can not only help us understand how to provide patients with a good experience when visiting a healthcare professional, but help us understand how we can make each patient visit personal, and understand what we can do that would be the best for them. With diversity, we can learn more about not only the people we work with but those who may be similar to them. Being unique is important in this day and age but being able to find a common ground between people is also important, it is what allows us to essentially connect and get closer to someone. With diversity and uniqueness, there is always similarity between people even if we can not see it on the outside, hence why diversity is overall a good thing. Diversity can help us not only learn about other people but we can learn more about ourselves too. In the eyes of many people, I would not be considered a part of a diverse group. I am a white, middle-class, girl, but based on my life experiences and background I would be considered a part of diversity. I have struggled with my mental health, and my will to live, and questioned my overall meaning of life. Throughout this experience, I received help and learned ways to cope with my anxiety and depression. Yes, many people struggle with mental health and the issues surrounding it. But to me, it makes me unique. The things I faced and experienced were different than many others who had undergone depression and anxiety. And the reasons I went through this were different reasons than other people may have had. But, what is important to realize is that this difference ad diversity in all of us, yes it makes us different and unique. But we also have a common ground, we all went through something tough and struggled, and it can be helpful because I was able to make some really good friends when I was reaching for help what was cool was that we were all able to help each other by teaching each other our different coping mechanisms. This was a key moment for me because it was what allowed me success. There are days I still struggle, but knowing I have other people there for me and support me is key. It is helpful to know that people can come together and help others, even if we all have different ideas on how to do that.

To me, integrity means not only hard work but what goes into it. I believe in honesty, following your morals, and trusting your gut. If I was asked who I think shows great integrity I would say, my mom. My mom is a substantial person in my life not only because she is my mom but because of how she leads. My mom is constantly leading by example and opens her arms up to others. Since I have been a kid; growing up I have looked up to her. She has taught me how important it is, to be honest with others and that with honesty comes great things. I have learned how following your morals can sometimes be hard, but that in the end following them ultimately leads to success. But honestly, even success is not the biggest thing to me. Being able to go to sleep at night knowing I was doing the right thing morally and ethically is the most essential thing that I strive for. It shows great strength in one's character. I feel as though many people interpret the word integrity differently. Some say integrity is to be trustworthy, respectful, and patient. But to me, it simply is the word transparency. I think trust, respect, patience, honesty, and following your morals all fit into the word transparent; to be upfront and direct with others, no matter what. I strongly believe that all good things will follow and come to you with this.

I used to always be happy, but that all changed sophomore year. In kindergarten, I used to be called the name “smiley” by all the janitors when I walked by to dump my tray from lunch. Sophomore year was when I started to get more involved with my mental health and others. I never knew drugs, the topic of depression and anxiety would be involved and it would cause so many issues. Who knew one small pill could change so many things? We all are told to not do drugs because they make you crazy and mess with your head…but there’s so much more to it. I never have touched a drug in my life, it was my ex who did. Our relationship was based on a toxic friendship where we would go to each other and talk about our problems, mine was anorexia and his was depression and anxiety. Eventually, we talked more and more and we made each other feel better. Later on, we ended up dating, this relationship started at the beginning of the summer going into my junior year. The relationship started great, we always talked, laughed and could just hang out. But that was until a few weeks in when we started hanging out and going on more dates. I saw scars on his legs. That day forever changed me. I had no idea how depression was so severe. I found out he had tried to commit a few weeks before we started dating, and that he was using many drugs to forget about his sadness. In addition to that, a lot of alcohol was used too. I told him that was bad for him and that he should consider going to a therapist, but he said he already went through therapy didn’t help because the first question he was asked was if he had ever tried to commit suicide and he lied and said no. Everyone knows if you can’t accept your problem, you can’t get rid of it. Unfortunately, I stayed in the relationship after finding out all of these things because I thought I could fix him, and help him. But I voided out the fact that one can not be helped if they do not want to change or be helped. He had anger issues and it was scary because I felt in danger but I would always convince myself that he loved me and would never hurt me, but if that was true then he would have never put me in the position of having to worry about him 24/7 because he drank so much when I was not with him, he would not try all these drugs and laugh about it and then traumatically tell me about it and tell me it was no big deal. Eventually enough became enough and our relationship became more toxic and hurt too much. My mental health was terrible by the end of the relationship, and I saw a side of myself that I never thought I would see. I was constantly sad and angry and everyone, even the people I loved like my friends and family. I started to get constant anxiety attacks and thought more depressive things. I ended up telling my parents and my doctor and went to therapy for a while. I am proud and happy to say that I am done with therapy and have realized even though the relationship was traumatic and painful, good things came from it. I now want to return the favor and help those who want help.

I used to always be happy, but that all changed sophomore year. In kindergarten, I used to be called the name “smiley” by all the janitors when I walked by to dump my tray from lunch. Sophomore year was when I started to get more involved with my mental health and others. I never knew drugs, the topic of depression and anxiety would be involved and it would cause so many issues. Who knew one small pill could change so many things? We all are told to not do drugs because they make you crazy and mess with your head…but there’s so much more to it. I never have touched a drug in my life, it was my ex who did. Our relationship was based on a toxic friendship where we would go to each other and talk about our problems, mine was anorexia and his was depression and anxiety. Eventually, we talked more and more and we made each other feel better. Later on, we ended up dating, this relationship started at the beginning of the summer going into my junior year. The relationship started great, we always talked, laughed and could just hang out. But that was until a few weeks in when we started hanging out and going on more dates. I saw scars on his legs. That day forever changed me. I had no idea how depression was so severe. I found out he had tried to commit a few weeks before we started dating, and that he was using many drugs to forget about his sadness. In addition to that, a lot of alcohol was used too. I told him that was bad for him and that he should consider going to a therapist, but he said he already went through therapy didn’t help because the first question he was asked was if he had ever tried to commit suicide and he lied and said no. Everyone knows if you can’t accept your problem, you can’t get rid of it. Unfortunately, I stayed in the relationship after finding out all of these things because I thought I could fix him, and help him. But I voided out the fact that one can not be helped if they do not want to change or be helped. He had anger issues and it was scary because I felt in danger but I would always convince myself that he loved me and would never hurt me, but if that was true then he would have never put me in the position of having to worry about him 24/7 because he drank so much when I was not with him, he would not try all these drugs and laugh about it and then traumatically tell me about it and tell me it was no big deal. Eventually enough became enough and our relationship became more toxic and hurt too much. My mental health was terrible by the end of the relationship, and I saw a side of myself that I never thought I would see. I was constantly sad and angry and everyone, even the people I loved like my friends and family. I started to get constant anxiety attacks and thought more depressive things. I ended up telling my parents and my doctor and went to therapy for a while. I am proud and happy to say that I am done with therapy and have realized even though the relationship was traumatic and painful, good things came from it. I now want to return the favor and help those who want help.

When I was younger, at around age 12 I was terrible at math; I had a teacher come in during my classes' math lessons. I would leave the room and go with her down the hallway and she would help me with math. There were so many things I could not understand or put together with math...everything was so confusing. Fortunately, with the help of not only a great and understanding teacher, I was also perseverant. Although that may not sound like a big deal, to me it was and is. It is what has allowed me to this day get good grades and be one of the kids with the highest GPA in my class of over four hundred students. When I first got pulled out of class to go get help with math I was embarrassed, but later on, I realized that I needed help. So I decided I would try my best and fully participate not only physically but also mentally in the sessions. I tried to have a positive mindset about what I was doing and not stress about how I needed extra help. Eventually, within around a month, I was able to go back to class and I stopped needing extra help. Over time I decided that I wanted to be better and I did not have to worry about going home and asking for help to fully understand the material. So, I did what any kid would do for sports when they wanted to get better...I practiced. I did extra homework and watched math videos. I worked hard enough to where eventually in fifth grade I was able to move into a group with kids who were good at math and teach math lessons to ourselves. I felt so proud of myself. My teacher talked to me in person and told me that she was so proud of me and that she saw a bright future for me in math. I was told by my math teacher that I could move up in math and go straight to an AP math course because I was doing so well in the class. So if I had to answer why I loved math it is because it has shaped my understanding of the world, I would say that math has helped me understand that sometimes you have to work hard to become good at something.

There are so many things about applying for scholarships that I never knew about. Who knew there could be so many different scholarship opportunities. I know I certainly did not. All we are ever told is to do well in school and get good grades. But there is so much more, looking at different application sites has shown me that it is important to be unique, to try new things, to volunteer, and to speak up for what you believe in. Applying for scholarships has allowed me to read more about other peoples life's and see why they are donating money to the best essay for their scholarship. Having the opportunity to apply for scholarships has helped me figure out more what I want to do when I am older, considering more scholarships are geared towards certain things you can major in for college. I have learned that is important to answer the prompts and to not continue to go off into a different story. But also that grammar is very important, without good grammar most of the time that scholarship application will be thrown out or not looked at. If there was one thing I could say that is the most important, it would be that honesty is key. Without being honest, many of times the story from the application will not line up. Being honest is really the best policy because it is what many of times allows the reader to connect with the applicant.

My experience with mental health has been a rollercoaster. What is so funny about that, is that the rollercoaster I have traveled on is different than what everyone else is. This is what makes mental health such a diverse topic, everyone is on a different rollercoaster with different amounts and heights of ups and downs. Six months ago if I was asked if I was okay, my answer would have been worse than no. I have never felt so low and down. Everything with my mental health had gone downhill since I got into a relationship last summer. I was in a toxic, mentally and physically abusive relationship. In addition to that, the person I was dating was addicted to drugs, and alcohol, and had mental health issues from anxiety and depression to trying to commit suicide. When our relationship first started I had good self-esteem, I was fairly positive, and I was almost always smiling. But when I found out that my boyfriend was not a very good person to me and other people, things started to get rough. Even though I did not participate in the illegal activities that he and his friends did partake in, mentally I did. I felt terrible, and I was always stressed and worried about him. It was hard, worrying twenty-four seven sucked. I feared for his life, worried he would die from the number of drugs and alcohol he was consuming. Unfortunately, I am the type of person who wants to help people, and I thought I could fix him. We were best friends before our relationship, but there was a lot I still did not know about him, and although those things I did not know about him were negative. I still assumed he was not purposely hiding it from me and that he wanted to quit these terrible things. But he did not want help, and I did not realize that one who does not want to receive help can not change. They truly have to want to change to be able to change and get better. Near the end of our relationship when we broke up, I realized I had lost myself while trying to help him. Due to our toxic relationship, where a lot of rude and hurtful things were said, the talks about both of our terrible mental health (where he was suicide and mine was poor body image and anorexia), and the constant fighting about the little things he did to make me upset and then ignore the problem, I realized my mental health was only plummeting. I started to get anxiety attacks all of the time, I felt like I could barely breathe, there were times when I would zone out because I was so anxious, and then when I got out of the zone I did not realize I had zoned out, and I threw up fairly often. My friends started to worry about me in school because I stopped talking, started eating even less again; fell back into my eating habit when I had anorexia, and I started to cry sometimes in school and run to the bathroom to cover it up. I was becoming a version of myself that not only did none of my friends know, but I did not know. I hated myself more than ever. I tried to hide my anxiety from my friends and family, and ignore it. But that only made it worse. I hid my relationship problems from everyone, I said I did not need help and that everything that happened was okay. But it was not okay. I did not deserve any of it, and I soon became to realize that when I finally asked for help. I finally went to my doctor and talked to her about it and said that I needed help. This was because I could feel me and my sister splitting apart. After all, I was always screaming at her because I was so irritated all of the time. My doctor got me set up with a therapist and I took many tests, where I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. I was only more saddened to hear how mentally unstable I was, but I knew I needed to be honest and face this issue straight on because I wanted to have a good relationship with my family and friends again. I wanted to feel better too, I was tired of not being able to sleep and constantly crying. Eventually over time with therapy and medication, I started to feel better and got released from having to go to therapy. I learned techniques on how to healthily deal with and conquer my anxiety and how to calm it down. In addition, I learned how to ask for help and say that I am not okay. After I was able to talk about the problems I learned so much more about mental health, I learned that mental health can affect so many different things in your lifetime, it affects you, your future, your surrounding environment, etc. I truly believe that there are many different ways to help improve one's mental health because one's mental health is not a one-size fits. Learning about my mental health has encouraged me to want to learn more about the brain and how it works, and it has motivated me to want to further my education in healthcare and psychology.

Lately, I have been lucky in the fact that I have not lost any close family members. But two years ago I not only lost a loved one, but everyone else in my school did too. Now two years may seem like a long time, but to me, it feels like it was just yesterday. I still remember hearing the ambulances rushing to the girl's house. Her name was Bailey TeWinkel. Bailey was one of the happiest and kindest people that I had ever met at my school. She was unproblematic, carefree, and had the best laugh; her laugh was the kind of laugh that was funnier than the joke. Bailey was a grade older than me but I knew her since I was a little kid because we had been in the same school-age care program every single summer. Bailey's favorite color was yellow and she played on the high school varsity hockey team. A lot of girls on the hockey team are known to tend to stick to their hockey friend group, but Bailey was different. Almost everyone in our school knew who Bailey was; she made sure to say "hi" to everyone in the hallways, and she was never afraid to talk to someone different. Bailey's sophomore year was just up and coming, she was still fifteen and had not even got to experience the feeling of becoming sixteen. Around lunchtime was when Bailey ended up having a seizure which was a side effect from a prescribed medication that she had been taking for headaches, ambulances ended up rushing to her house. But they were too late. Bailey had stopped breathing. That day was truly one of the saddest days for the whole town. I could not even begin to describe the number of sad faces there was that day. I was not best friends with Bailey, but her loss destroyed me. I had never questioned someone's death so much. Why would someone so kind and happy be taken out of this world so soon? Many of us questioned it. But within time, her family reached out and talked about how Bailey would want us to continue our lives and smile. That was when I realized that they were right, I could not keep questioning an irreversible event. But we all could not just move on from her death and leave it in the past. Instead, we turned Bailey's death into a positive message, where we could not only spread something good around the community but remember Bailey in the positive light that she was. This was when Bailey was added to the always smile organization, our school and local shops sell "always smile" shirts, hats, and sweatshirts in the color yellow, and we as a school have a day where the theme was always smile gear. I truly believe that Bailey's death moved me into a zone where I was able to focus on how to turn bad events into good things, and how to see the good in the bad. I have found that not everything bad has to stay that way, there can always be some sort of good message that comes from it. I noticed that Bailey's death impacted so many people, even people that were not close with her because she was just so kind to everyone. It was hard to see everyone affected by such a tragic loss. But it encouraged me to focus on the saying that you should be kind to everyone no matter what because even such a simple thing as a smile could change someone's day and make it better. I truly think that if Bailey was down here she would be smiling with joy knowing that everyone is carrying on her legacy of positivity and seeing the good in everything.

Behavior analysis is something that we are still learning about, and I want to be a part of it. Since a few months ago when I went to therapy I have been fascinated with the things that go into psychology, and I have decided I want to have some sort of background in psychology. I think it is funny when my parents, other family members, or friends come up to me and ask me what I want to be, I say "I do not know, but I know it will be something in healthcare, whether that is mental or physical; it will be some kind." There are so many people that want to go into psychology and there are so many reasons why one wants to get a job in that field or study it. Most do it because it seems fun, and a lot of people see this field of studying on crime shows. But for me it is different. I think it is fun to study the brain, one's psychological development, and how different emotions are triggered. But what is crazy is that there is so much more to it. I want to understand how to truly help people positively. I do not just want to understand how the mind works and how it may react to certain situations. But how to help redirect the mind to a better path. I went to therapy for a few months due to an overwhelming amount of anxiety and a diagnosis of severe depression. When I was talking to my therapist I realized she was so smart, she knew all of these insanely helpful and positive techniques that not only helped with anxiety but how to help improve my overall quality of life. I want to be able to do that. I truly believe that positive support is the only way to truly help someone with a developmental disability, if you do not have someone by your side that is kind and saying good things, how can one's quality of life be good? The answer is simply, that it can not. I want to be able to contribute to this world by adding positivity and helping individuals grow. With this, I answer the question that this scholarship would help me pay for college where I can study medicine and not just diseases and sicknesses but mental health, disabilities, cognitive function, etc. It will allow me to further my education in psychology and overall health.

I have not experienced Sickle Cell Disease, but I have heard about it and been studying it for the past three years in my high school medical and biological classes that I have taken. I have never been sure what I wanted to do as a job when I get older, well, that was until I started to take more medical-focused and based classes. I started to realize I was interested in medicine and I became fascinated with the idea of helping people feel better, and even helping in the possible discovery of new technology and ideas on how to help cure a sickness or disease that can cause one to be so unwell. I plan to further my education in medicine and engineering throughout college for as many years as necessary to be able to not only treat patients but to help create new technologies and things that can help heal people and allow them to recover from such an excruciating illness. I want to help bring a positive attitude and mindset, I aspire to be a medical professional that people want to come to. I do not want people to be afraid of me, or not want help from me. I understand that everyone has bad days and can not always showcase a positive and happy attitude when working in such a place, where there is so much sadness and death. But I want to help show that there are good things within the healthcare industry. Yes, some do die, but there are so many good things in this world because of the people who get up early every morning and work crazy long-hour shifts to help save other people's life. Whether that is to perform a stressful, life-threatening surgery, decide what sickness one might have based on their symptoms, or not only create but prescribe medications to those who are sick and need treatment. But what makes it even crazier is that there are so many jobs within healthcare that no one even thinks about or realizes exist. Every job within the healthcare industry is important because no matter how many people know about these individual jobs, as a whole they all come together because they all have one common goal, that every worker thinks about day and night; to save lives and treat those who are sick, with the idea that each patient will hopefully be cured. So as of today, I do not know what specific job I am interested in, but when I am asked my response is that I want to be a healthcare worker. I know I want to be involved with an organization that wants to help save lives and treat people, and I want to help shine that positive light on it because there are so many positive things, I do not think we realize how crazy it is that we have so much technological and medical knowledge and that it is only growing every single day.

Since I was a little girl, I was told that every singular person is going through something that we do not know about...hence why it is important to always be kind to others. But what I did not realize when I was younger was that there were so many things that one person could go through by themselves. Who knew that people could deal with more than one problem at one time? It certainly was not me, well, until I started to get older and realize the world was much more complex and eating too much sugar and having a stomach ache was my biggest worry. When I started my first year in high school I was excited, I could not wait for more freedom, to meet more people, and to have more options of activities and things to do. Having many freedoms seems fun until you realize it can be overwhelming. When I got into high school my parents finally let me get more into social media...it was super exciting. But no one realizes there is such a dark and negative side to it. I started to make a lot of friends on Snapchat and found out they went to schools near mine. One of them was a guy, in my grade, and he was related to a girl in my grade at my school. He seemed nice and he talked to me a lot, we even shared good songs to listen to because we both had the same music taste. What I did not know was that he was an alcoholic and drug addict. I did not know that a year before we started talking he had tried to commit suicide and that he had cuts on his body. I had not hung out with him in person until the summer going into my junior year. When we first started hanging out it was awesome, I always found myself laughing and feeling carefree, not worrying about a single problem in the world. But quickly it seemed to change. The honeymoon phase in our relationship was gone within the first week when I found out about his cuts and scars. I was not scared, but more deeply saddened. I never realized that someone could feel the way he did, I did not truly understand how one could want to leave this world in such a painful way, I did not get the fact that he could not see how many people cared about him and how to hurt they would be if he left this world, and I did not understand the fascination of wanting to use drugs to escape problems. I told him that I was there for him when I found out and that I truly cared about him and this issue. What I did not realize is that focusing on one's problems can affect you too. Within the first month, I found myself turning into a version of myself that I did not know, I stopped working out, I was always crying and sad, I started to get anxiety attacks, I stopped eating and was always checking my weight, and I even started to have suicidal thoughts. My perfect world quickly turned upside down faster than I could have ever expected. The problem was not even that I was going through these things, but it is that I did not know how to deal with them. We all are told to talk to a trusted adult or friend when we are going through something or need help, but a lot of people do not know how to ask for help. I know that I for one did not know. You do not want to seem weak, but no one ever talks about the fact that you are only stronger when admitting you have a problem and asking for help. A few months ago I would have said that if I could have gone back in time I would have left my toxic relationship and focused on myself. But now I would not. Yes, I hated struggling and did not enjoy the months of crying and pain through the toxic things that were said in my relationship, I was hurt because the one person I trusted and cared for seemed to act carelessly and recklessly towards me, hurting me mentally and physically. But I realized there were so many positives that came out of this experience. I learned that it is okay to ask for help and that it will truly only improve your quality of life, and that it is okay to open up to people, those that are truly good friends will always stand by your side, and they will not judge you. Because of everything that happened I believe that I became not only a better person when it comes to being kind and sympathetic towards others. But I was able to deepen my understanding of the meaning that everyone is going through something we do not know about, hence why it is important to be kind to others. I learned that it is okay to ask for help; which is a very important life skill considering we are always going to need help in our lifetime, whether it helps with school, mental health, an injury, etc. Being able to not only ask for help, but to in general face my problems face forward has allowed me to handle future ones with such grace, and have an overall positive attitude toward the negative problem. I have found that sometimes the nicest people are going through the hardest things and are just really good at hiding it. This is what motivates me to be kind to others, and to promote the idea that it is okay to ask for help for anything, no matter how big or small, because I know that the younger me would not care about what the size of the problem was because any inconvenience is an inconvenience and it matters.

There are a lot of things that come to mind when I think about my characteristics, but if I am being honest it would probably be humor. To me, humor is something I see necessary in my life. Not everyone sees the humor in the way that I do. Humor is something that has allowed me to make as many friends as I have made throughout my life, it is how I cannot only connect with people; but get through school, work, and sometimes even hard/serious events. This may sound like I can not take things seriously, which is not true at all. I know when to switch into my serious and strict mode. But I also know when I can let loose, have fun, and crack a laugh. I think that humor is something that will always be a good characteristic to have and a great quality because humor is good to have for everyone. I feel that humor is important because it can bring people together. For example, inside jokes...it is something a group will always have to share and can bring them together whenever they think about that event that was funny and the joke that was made from it. Another reason humor is good is that it brings laughter. Laughter is good for everyone because it is what makes you smile and when you laugh you look happy. I believe when you laugh you are happy and having fun. For me laughing due to having excessive amounts of humor allows me to not only look happy and relaxed...but I also feel it. If anything it is what has reduced my stress and anxiety. It helps take off stress because you are not focused on that negative or stressful thing. Instead, you are focusing on something funny. If there is not anything I could agree more with, it is that humor is what brings everyone together. I mean, who does not like laughing? The best kind of laugh is when your stomach hurts so bad, and you tell everyone to stop making jokes because it hurts so bad and you feel like you are going to wet your pants...but you can not help but laugh anymore. If we are being honest, if no one liked to laugh; then the super bowl view rates would not be as high. There are a lot of fans, but one of the main reasons people watch it is to see the funny commercial videos. This is just one out of many examples of how humor can truly bring friends and family together. So if I had to say how humor will help me in life, I would say that it will help me with anything, whether it is making friends, getting a job, helping someone get out of a tough situation, or even solving a problem/mistake. I do not think anyone thinks how much we take laughter for granted. One funny gesture can bring so many smiles to faces and allow many people to be kinder and happier towards others.

There are so many gifted people in mathematics, I have always wished to be one of those people. Unfortunately, I am not one of those people. Instead, I have been gifted with something else that I think is even greater than just being naturally smart...even though that would be great. When I was younger, at around age 12 I was terrible at math; I had a teacher come in during my classes' math lessons. I would leave the room and go with her down the hallway and she would help me with math. There were so many things I could not understand or put together with math...everything was so confusing. Fortunately, with the help of not only a great and understanding teacher, I was also perseverant. Although that may not sound like a big deal, to me it was and is. It is what has allowed me to this day get good grades and be one of the kids with the highest GPA in my class of over four hundred students. When I first got pulled out of class to go get help with math I was embarrassed, but later on, I realized that I needed help and that if I did not try and put my full effort into it that I would never get better or get out of having to get extra help. So I decided I would try my best and fully participate not only physically but also mentally in the sessions. I tried to have a positive mindset about what I was doing and not stress about how I needed extra help. Eventually, within around a month, I was able to go back to class and I stopped needing extra help. My teacher said I was still not the best at math, but I was good enough to come back into class. Over time I decided that I wanted to be better and I did not have to worry about going home and asking for help to fully understand the material. So, I did what any kid would do for sports when they wanted to get better...I practiced. I did extra homework and watched math videos. I worked hard enough to where eventually in fifth grade I was able to move into a group with kids who were good at math and teach math lessons to ourselves. I felt so proud of myself. But it did not stop there. I constantly pushed myself to understand all the material that was given to me. I felt so accomplished because after every test I found out I was the one who raised the class average; while everyone else around me had a D or F on their test, I had an A. My teacher talked to me in person and told me that she was so proud of me and that she saw a bright future for me in math. I was told by my math teacher that I could move up in math and go straight to an AP math course because I was doing so well in the class. So if I had to answer how math exactly shaped my understanding of the world, I would say that math has helped me understand that sometimes you have to work hard to become good at a certain subject, sport, or in general almost anything. It has allowed me to work hard at everything and realize that not everything will just come to me. Overall I enjoy math and I think it is fun, especially when you understand it.

I used to always be happy, but that all changed sophomore year. In kindergarten I used to be called the name “smiley” by all the janitors when I walked by to dump my tray from lunch. Sophomore year was when I started to get more involved with my mental health and others. I never knew drugs, the topic of depression and anxiety would be involved and it was cause so many issues. Who knew one small pill could change so many things. We all are told to not do drugs because they make you crazy and mess with your head…but there’s so much more to it. I never have touched a drug in my life, it was my ex who did. Our relationship was based off of a toxic friendship where we would go to each other and talk about our problems, mine was anorexia and his was depression and anxiety. Eventually we talked more and more and we made each other feel better. Later on we ended up dating, this relationship started the beginning of the summer going in to my junior year. The relationship started out great, we always talked, laughed and could just hang out. But that was until a few weeks in when we started hanging and going out more on dates. I saw scars on his legs. That day forever changed me. I had no idea how depression was so severe. I found out he had tried to commit a few weeks before we started dating, and that he was using many drugs to forget about his sadness. In addition to that a lot of alcohol was used too. I told him that was bad for him and that he should consider going to a therapist, but he said he already went through therapy didn’t help because the first question he was asked was if he had ever tried to commit suicide and he lied and said no. Everyone knows if you can’t accept your problem, you can’t get rid of it. Unfortunately I stayed in the relationship after finding out all of these things because I thought I could fix him, and help him. But I totally voided out the fact that one can not be helped if they themself do not want to change or be helped. He had anger issues and it was scary because I myself felt in danger but I would always convince myself that he loved me and would never hurt me, but if that was true then he would have never put me in the position of having to worry about him 24/7 because he drank so much when I was not with him, he would not try all these drugs and laugh about it and then traumatically tell me about it and tell me it was no big deal. Eventually enough became enough and our relationship became more toxic and hurt too much. My mental health was terrible by the end of the relationship, and I saw a side of myself that I never thought I would see. I was constantly sad and angry and everyone, even the people I loved like my friends and family. I myself started to get constant anxiety attacks and thought more depressive things. I ended up telling my parents and my doctor and went to therapy for a while. I am proud and happy to say that I am done with therapy and have realized even though the relationship was traumatic and painful, good things came from it. I now want to return the favor and help those who want help.