Fae Dutson Art Education, Southern Utah University Class of 2027 Angela Engelson Memorial Scholarship for Women Artists Essay July 10, 2025 The sketch; the beginning. Fine arts have always been a part of my life, colored into the core of who I am. I am six years old, sitting in the pews at church with a Lisa Frank coloring book in my lap. My grubby hands are pushing crayon wax everywhere, and I can't get enough pink on the page to satisfy. Bored, I decided to teach my little sister Cassidy how to color inside the lines. It was the most fun I had in months. The line art; the outline. I have always known I wanted to be a teacher. Neither of my parents got college degrees, and worked jobs that they deigned to go to. Our bills were paid, but their ambitions were never fulfilled. Because of this, they always emphasized the importance of being educated. I am ten years old, and there is one problem. While most kids couldn't stay off of their phones or computers, I was a chronic "drawing-in-class" kid. It was impossible to fight off ideas that came to mind, and I drew up anything I could in the margins of assignments and tests. The environment of my classroom, the kids next to me, and most often Olaf from the movie Frozen. My teachers called my parents, tore up my drawings, and confiscated my pencils constantly. In my misunderstanding, I always wondered why I got torn down instead of adding more art to the curriculum. If I was in charge, things would be different. The color; filling it in. I am fifteen years old, and I walk into Mrs. Sherman's class for the first time. There are murals on the walls, every kind of art supply her budget could buy, and every kid is working on something completely different. In her class, we learned the foundations of art and were given the freedom to create whatever we wanted with our new skills. I loved that environment and spent hours there every single day for three years. Sherm, as I now call her, mentored me for three years in everything art and teaching in order to make safe spaces for students where they could learn to thrive and rekindle their love for the arts. The signature; finishing details. I am now an art education student at Southern Utah University. I spend 6-9 hours in studio classes every single day perfecting my craft so that one day, I can teach it to the next generation of artists. I shadow in high school classrooms and work with young kids, spreading my love for the arts to the youth who need it. My artistic process is story telling; I love making things that allow me to convey messages, laughter, and love to others. Character design, environment drawing, still lifes of real places in real homes- it is all a culmination of my trials and how I will give that back to the world. It makes me feel completely and utterly fulfilled every time I create something, and when I teach a concept to a child and you can see it click with them. That is who I am, and that is who I will always be. Fae Dutson, art educator, artist.

Video games are, to me, the best and most laborious form of storytelling. They take vastly more time than a movie or TV show to consume, let alone produce, so you spend time with the characters and within that world that you wouldn't get with any book or film. Everything has to be visualized, so the level of detail and care in every outfit and cup is meticulous. It's all intentional, and I love every delicious bit. As an artist, my favorites are open-world games, like Genshin Impact and Hogwarts Legacy. Nothing thrills me more than digging up lore and exploring a brand new universe. However, the lessons that I have learned through these games are invaluable. First, perseverance. I'm one of those people that has to 100% everything in a game or I can't sleep at night. Within this thought process, I find that I'm now the same way with my real-world tasks. Until I have done what needs to be done in order for me to succeed, I have a hard time letting myself be lazy and allowing life to pass me by. Second, opportunity. You never know which NPC is going to have a quest for you. Talk to everyone you meet and be kind to them, you never know what might happen down the line. Some of my best friends have been made by daring to compliment them or say hello, and so many great things have happened because of the connections I made from them. Third, financial responsibility. I once spent $40 on the chance that I might get a character that I wanted. That was kind of a low point for me, realizing that I spent three and a half hours worth of work on pixels on a screen. That incident quite literally taught me how to budget and only spend money on things that I absolutely need or can afford to splurge on. Though, who knows, maybe I'm doing a good thing by buying a game developer's next Mt. Dew. In summary, despite what most adults say, video games are more than shooting guns and spawn points for learning physical violence. There are incredible stories being told, jaw-dropping worlds being created, and valuable lessons being taught. I'm sure that as I get older, there will be more for me to take from these creative geniuses behind my favorite games, and I can't wait to see what the future holds in this industry.

"If you're not having fun, you're doing it all wrong." Moments of divine human experience make me feel my most creative. Laughing until your belly aches with a group of girlfriends, enjoying a comforting meal with Mom on a tough day, seeing my little sister hit her highest note on stage- these moments that define life make me feel creative. An innate desire burns inside me to capture these fleeting seconds with more than just a camera. That's why I've gone to art school, to perfect my craft in realistic drawing on top of my existing illustration skills. I want to be able to make eternal memories for myself and others, visualizing what makes life beautiful in an image that only I can create. I also find that my most productive state as an artist is right after consuming media that is inspiring to me. They influence my art greatly and give me a tangible goal to pursue. Studio Ghibli films, old Barbie movies, Disney animated classics and fantasy books with characters I can bring alive through art are some of the biggest movers of my creative juices. As for my lived experiences, I find that my desire to capture memories and moments comes from a deep personal ache. My family is historically plagued with dementia, a condition that causes memories to fade away the more you age. Even at my ripe age of 19, I have a horrible memory that gets the best of me quite often. There's a part of me that hopes that, someday, when I'm old and can't remember what my own face looks like, I can look at my artworks and see the faces of my loved ones and I once knew them in their proudest moments. My Mom and Dad crossing the finish line of their hardest race, my sister as Maria in The Sound of Music, myself hopefully graduating college. My artwork is more than just paint and pencil. It's an album of my small and significant life through eyes that I won't be able to see through one day. Though I just illustrate for now, I've begun to get better at depicting the human form in my classes, and one day hope to begin translating what my heart knows onto paper. In the meantime, I hope to finish my art education degree and my four minors, and begin to inspire the young artists of the world with my story and give them the skills they need to begin theirs.

I've been listening to "Pink Pony Club" since 2022. Listening to it for the first time was like flying. As a lover of all things pink, the title and cover summoned me like a magnet when it popped up in my "New Music" album on Apple Music. I was working as a janitor at the time, and I kid you not, I wept. It resonated so deeply with me. I'm a queer woman from southern Utah, where Mormon culture is a societal standard. I can vividly remember sitting in sacrament meeting and being told that queer thoughts are like cancer: a sickness that can be treated through effort. My younger self had prayed for a Pink Pony Club to escape to all my life. I was sixteen at the time I first heard it, and I felt like it was written from my own experiences being left out and longing during my adolescence. Chappell Roan is a major inspiration for young queer artists because she’s all about being real, raw, and unapologetically herself. Her music dives deep into personal experiences with love, heartbreak, and self-discovery, which speaks directly to anyone who’s ever struggled to fully embrace their identity. What makes her stand out is how she’s not afraid of vulnerability or proudly proclaiming exactly who she is for the world to hear. When she’s singing about unexplainable emotion or exploring the complexities of queer love, she does it with confidence and authenticity. Her artistic vision also offers a space where young queer artists can feel seen. Her music and visuals are fresh and unique, and they offer a vibe that’s different from mainstream representations of LGBTQ+ characters and couples. She sings from the heart about things that women who love women actually go through, not made-up scenarios written by corporations that don't necessarily reflect reality. Her voice shows that being different isn’t a bad thing—it’s what makes your art stand out. Her music makes me feel that I can wear anything I want, be whatever I want to be, and do it all fearlessly. She’s a reminder that I don’t have to hide or water down my identity to succeed. Because of her, I've shot for opportunities that I never would have before. The "Pink Pony Club" isn't a place we should escape to, it's a reality we can work to make real for those who need it.

Call me basic, but "365" was my fall 2024 anthem, and here's why: You may be thinking: "Fae, brat was the SUMMER 2024 anthem, what took you so long?" And to that, I would say you're right. I was a stubborn, full-time employee with a serious full-time job this summer. For reasons beyond my current understanding, I thought I was above a lime-green, scandalous album like that. However, it wasn't until September that my life would be changed forever. I was on Tiktok doom scrolling as per usual, when a video came across my feed. Charli XCX and Troye Sivan on tour, standing on a tall metal structure, surrounded by fog. Strobe lights and lasers blared and I was hypnotized. All of a sudden, Troye shouts, "What's up, Charli?" "What's up, Troye? We bumpin' that tonight?" "I love you so much, Charli!" "Love you too!" It was extremely reminiscent of the song "Barbie Girl" by Aqua. If you've ever heard it, you know what I'm talking about. Ken asks Barbie if she wants to go for a ride, she says sure, history is made. But this? This was ten times better than that. I could not stop repeating this conversation for weeks afterward. My roommate was so sick of me. She'd walk into the kitchen and I'd shout, "What's up, Brinkley? We bumpin' that tonight?" And by bumpin' it, I usually meant watching Hell's Kitchen, but she'd just roll her eyes and start cooking something. I listen to "365" religiously now. I have not gotten over the fact that my favorite dialogue in musical history is, in fact, not a part of of the actual song though. Charli, if you're reading this, please release a version with Troye telling you he loves you like you did during the tour. Sincerely, a "365" super fan.

Category One: Types of Paint Oil, Primer, Eggshell, Acrylic Category Two: Shades of White Cream, Vanilla, Bone, Parchment Category Three: Writing/Drawing Mediums Paper, Canvas, Linen, Pad Category Four: Red ____ Sea, Herring, Handed, Neck As an art education major, this scholarship has been one of my favorites to fill out! I decided to go for an art education themed one that I could give my future students for bell work someday. I do the connections every single day, so I'm hoping that I put some of the classic tricks to good use in order to create an effective puzzle. As for my reasoning, I wanted to try making one that wouldn't be too difficult, but also wouldn't be so easy that someone who's never played before could get it instantly. I don't want anyone throwing their devices across the room, but I don't want anyone being bored with it, either. Hopefully, "eggshell" would confuse a few as possibly being in the "shades of white" category. Also, some might mistake "parchment" for the "writing/drawing mediums" section. As a reach, it's also possible that some might try to loop oil paint, acrylic paint, and canvas into some sort of painting materials category.

In case it means anything, I cried when I got online and all of the Olivia x Stanley purple tumblers were sold out. I would die for her, but not quite enough to spend $400 on a resold one. "All the time, I'm grateful all the time, I'm sexy and I'm kind, I'm pretty when I cry." The multifaceted experiences women face in society, especially when it comes to the pressure of constantly being “on,” are subtly and perfectly represented at the end of "All American B*tch." It calls out the emotional contradictions women constantly deal with while also critiquing the expectations placed on women always be composed, gracious, and perfect, even in moments of distress. At its core, this phrase captures the tension that many women feel between society's demands and their own emotional realities. The first line, “All the time, I’m grateful all the time,” speaks to the relentless demand for women to be outwardly thankful. This expectation often ties into the role that women are expected to play in social dynamics. Women are conditioned to offer gratitude, often without a moment of pause for their own emotional needs or desires, even in situations that may not feel deserving of such responses. However, the juxtaposition of “I’m sexy and I’m kind” complicates this. Society often pressures women to be both attractive and approachable, radiating a combination of beauty and warmth. This creates an ideal that is difficult to attain, as it demands the woman to always appear flawless while maintaining a sense of charm and empathy. The words “sexy” and “kind” are rarely discussed together in relation to women. Women are expected to be seductive without seeming overbearing, kind without being weak; an expectation that adds pressure to embody multiple conflicting traits at once. The line “I’m pretty when I cry” represents is the icing on the cake. Society often discourages women from showing emotion. Crying, in many cultures, is seen as a sign of weakness or vulnerability, and women are often pressured to hide their emotions to avoid being labeled as "too emotional" or "unstable." However, the phrase “I’m pretty when I cry” defies that notion. It suggests a reclamation of emotion, a refusal to hide tears for fear of judgment. Yet, adding "pretty" indicates that even in moments of vulnerability, a woman should maintain an appearance of grace. This speaks to a larger societal issue. Women are not given the same space to express emotion freely without consequence. In the face of sorrow, frustration, or anger, women are often told to "calm down" or "compose themselves," reinforcing the idea that emotional expression is only acceptable if it’s done in a controlled, “pretty” way. The phrase acknowledges the complexity of being a woman.

My favorite drawing from portrait class was the back of someone's head. Yes, you heard me correctly. In a class all about drawing the human face, my best work depicts the model's hair and back. You see, getting seats for that class is like a dogfight. We're all sat in a circle around the drawing stage, hoping and praying that the model's next pose will face our half of the classroom. I was pretty lucky for the most part, until one fateful day, she sat like you can observe in the piece. When that happens, you can pretty much chalk the day up to not getting anything done. However, I like to approach things with an off-putting amount of optimism. I was inspired by my niche yet dire circumstances. I decided that I would put just as much, if not even more effort, into creating a perfect likeness of her back and hair. Luckily for me, she wore a large red ribbon in her hair that day, creating something extra interesting for me to draw. She had beautiful curls and a solid black crop top on. Not only did this end up being one of my best drawings of the semester, but it was my favorite and most fun in-class project. There’s something inherently mysterious about viewing someone from behind. The absence of the face invites curiosity about the subject’s identity, emotions, and thoughts. The perspective quickly became an invitation for me to imagine her personality. The way her hair is styled, whether flowing freely, tightly tied up, or left messy, offers a visual language all its own. Perhaps it’s a soft, loose braid, which evokes a sense of calm, or a wild, untamed mane that suggests a rebellious spirit. The texture, color, and length of her hair can communicate further details. A girl with glossy, flowing hair might appear serene and confident, while short, messy hair might convey a more carefree or even slightly defiant persona. For this model, her curls were perfectly coiled and bouncy, indicating a string amount of care. She takes herself seriously, and puts effort into the smallest of details. Maybe she's such a perfectionist, it's written into the strands of her DNA, and her hair. In some ways, the back view prompted me to explore the concept of perspective and how others see us. By presenting only the back, we are shown a version of the person that is often seen by others but rarely by ourselves. It is a perspective that feels detached yet intimate, like we are privy to an intimate moment without fully knowing the person. I stared at her back for three hours that day, and felt like I had known her a lifetime. By her face or voice, I wouldn't be able to identify her at all. However, I'm almost all too familiar with the coil of her curls, the way her shirt scrunches around her middle, the crease of her elbow. So, now, if I ever get a chance, I like to seek out the seat behind the model. It's like detective work, trying to understand someone's life using an invisible half of their identity. Plus, often, it's good fun to watch my classmates fight like deadly beasts over the seat opposite me.

I am getting an education so that I can educate others. The world is short on teachers nowadays. We need educators more than ever, but even more so, we need ones that care about the minds that they are shaping. The horror stories that I have heard about school districts forgoing interviews and background checks just to put a body in the front of the room - they make me worry about the future. I want to be a teacher who cares, who shows up, and who supports my student’s dreams no matter what. My major is Art Education, and it is my dream to have a career as the teacher that my younger self always needed. Growing up, I always had a special relationship with my academics and my art. There was a preconceived notion, drilled into my head by the world; one that said that art and academia could never overlap. There were the smart kids and the art kids. The smart kids would never waste their time on anything such as performing, drawing, sculpting, etc., and art kids were too lost in their imaginations to get good grades and apply themselves to their education. At least, that’s how my community perceived it. My goal; past, present, and future; is to erase the stigma that artists are doomed to fail. Creatives themselves often joke about the ‘starving artist,’ about how artistic careers cannot bring money or happiness to anyone’s life. I am tired of seeing artistic youth be put down and made to feel bad for not funneling themselves into a STEM or more labor-intensive career. After going through this myself, I know how it can make a child feel. Putting your happiness over a job that would make you miserable is not a selfish act. I kid you not, my own grandfather once told me that God let him live through open-heart surgery so that he could tell me not to become a teacher. Art is a gift. Art is therapy. Studies show that students who take art classes do better in all of their other subjects. To put down the arts, or to slowly extract them from our school districts, is to deny a large fraction of our youth their creative outlets. That is why I am getting an education. Not only to educate my students, but to educate our society as a whole on the importance of not only the arts, but the importance of advocating for them, and not putting them down.