I would love to be a person without the fear of failure, whether it may be a career goal I'm pursuing or having a family; I believe this is a priceless quality that allows someone to move forward regardless of life's circumstances.

Coming out of highschool in 2019 I joined the workforce about a year later. Within that year I was working with my parents in the family business selling womans clothing at our local swapmeet. I initially didn’t want to return to education as I didn’t have a field that I really wanted to pursue. This was because I had wanted to be able to play soccer professionally without focusing on my education. I felt pretty foolish when my ideal life didn’t cement and I was left with nothing to be able to lean on. After working for a little more than 2 years after graduating highschool. I began to think of where I was going in my life and this brought me to seek a career in aircraft maintenance. Initially, I was interested in becoming an airline pilot but after considering the day-to-day life of airline pilots and my natural liking for being active and hands-on I went another route. I remember clearly when the thought of aircraft maintenance came to me. I was finishing up replacing the motor mounts on the passenger side of my Honda Civic. When I heard the approaching sound of the engines rumble, I looked up to the sky and saw an airplane leaving the clouds. “I can be a mechanic for airplanes!” this was the surest I felt in choosing a career. The thought of doubts due to my years away from school made me a “late” student tried to bring down my optimism. I saw how people that I knew had continued their schooling after high school were a school year away from graduating. I feel this makes me a non-traditional student. Though this exact reason that I felt behind, is what gives me the desire to advance since I am now able to see that this feeling was not true in the sense that it’s not too late to go back to school. Now that I’m going to school the promising sense I get when learning every day fuels my will to do everything I can with the utmost focus. Putting me on a path of discipline and eagerness to absorb the information needed and making it part of me. I see the possibility of what can be achieved once I apply myself in order to better the future of me and the people around me.

I grew up playing soccer with friends at school and later on for their teams on weekends. Though it was a gap of 4 years that took place from when I stopped playing for a team at around the fifth grade. I then was invited to play by a friend in the ninth grade. I wasn't the best of players, I was one of the least able players on any of the teams I had played for throughout my youth. It wasn't until I was playing in that freshman year when I began to feel my lack of capability bother me. I was very aware of this and it didn't allow me to attain playtime. I would see others have what I wanted and put it in my heart to become better so that I to may be able to savor and enjoy the success I perceived they had in the game. This was my desire and it caused me to apply myself completely to my improvement. Over time through the early morning fitness and the focused repetitions of game like drills I was rewarded with an increase of ability. Even though I found the increase I wanted it wasn't enough because I wanted what my eyes would see on the screen. The love of competition filled me with this desire for more and more. So though I was a late bloomer I decided in my heart to chase after the dream I wanted more than any other, to play professionally. At this point, I was finishing up my junior and senior years of Highschool online. I had fallen to self-medication through xanax to relieve the anxiousness that would come over me when I was in school. I went online so I could be able to graduate. So I had more time to train since it was a program that allowed the student to complete the work at their own pace but by a certain due date. So It was up to the student to do the work when they decided while staying within the deadlines. So in this chase of the professional dream I trialed for a spot on academy teams all throughout Southern California. I believe there were 8 teams that I trialed for and none took me in. I remember the tremendous fear of failure that would come over me as a cloud of bronze. It would inhibit me to play as I can, because I wasn't a bad player because I would excel in pickup games with older players that were also solid. But those were just that, pick up games where the pressure to perform isn't there. Since I was going to age out of the last age group which would be 18 years. The pressure would crumble me because the fear of having to do something else for my life was not comprehensible to me. So when all my effort and desire couldn't allow me to obtain what I so desperatley wanted to hold close. I fell in this hole of hopelessness, a daily grief would accompany me. Sleep was what I wanted to not have the pain present. I couldn't watch the matches on tv anymore because the sight of the young players coming up would resurface the despair in my chest that I couldn't leave behind. I had played with people who did end up achieving a contract, how hurt I was when I stretched with all I could to grab what I wanted only to come up short and see others pick it up and savor it. At this time my relationships were non existent, I had isolated my self to bathe in my sorrow out of sight. I knew I can't live like this but it was overpowering as I saw it as the truth. My years were consumed but now It's getting better. It would affect my family as they were the only ones that would see the hole I was in. So I began to read the Bible as a way of looking for an escape from the anguish. It was there where my eyes were opened to see that it was because I desired it with all my being, and when it failed I had nothing else. The Bible speaks of not giving yourself to vain things, to be content in whatever situation you may be in. As I mature I can now see that soccer is not what life is about. I'm not any less of a person because I wasn't able to make it to the professional league. Two years after a disease in my feet put me out of work and the physical activity I enjoyed. It was a blessing because it allowed me to cherish the health I have, and to be grateful that I can work as the common man. It's a beautiful thing to have this thought now instead of the gloomy despair that once held on to me. The negativity of that makes a person's days unbearable but also those who witness it. So this time of my life has produced gratitude within me along with joy to live a normal life without desiring the life of pleasure and glamour that now seems uninteresting to me. To cherish family and do good to them because that's what I have, to not look at what others obtain because I know that it will also go well for me. It's easy to say now since I'm leaving that part of my life and gaining new things of good but when I was in the thick of it there seemed to be no way out. Thoughts of suicide were frequent in the harshest of it. Though it consumed my years with grief, now that I'm free from that. I can relate to others and bring them to the truth. The truth that suicide isn't the escape they need. That their life is of value and that there is an end to the torment.

When I began to have an interest in Aviation, I initially was drawn to becoming a pilot but I have decided to go the Aircraft Maintenance route as I know I'm better suited for this position. During this time I began to consider the warehouse job I had and where that would take me. Should I not bring about any change, what will my days consist of 10,20,30 years from now? Many people work warehouse jobs until they retire and there's no shame in doing an honest job, whatever it may be. Though, I didn't feel comfortable staying there when my eyes were opened to see the opportunities and advantages I have with my youthfulness along with the absence of responsibilities; like providing for a family. I desired something else, so that's when I began to search where and in what I could apply my effort to move forward whether it would be establishing myself within a company, learning a trade or university schooling. I vividly remember the first time I had a thought of a career in Aviation.This occurred when I was going back home after finishing up my shift at a 3PL warehouse I was working for at the time. It was around 4:30 in the afternoon and I had ended up taking the secondary route to my house. This route would pass through the Compton/Woodley Airport and there was this intersection that would usually cause congestion and stack a long line of cars. So while I was waiting for the light to turn green, I began to observe the different Cessnas and Helicopters that were parked there. At this time, a Cessna on the runway was preparing for flight and this is the moment when I thought to myself, " I can be a pilot." With this thought came the eagerness to learn about what exactly that would be like day to day along with knowing the requirements to be licensed, so I looked into the Pilot position. I realized I wasn't the best candidate since I really get a joy from being active and mobile while working with my hands. Aviation was still my interest and I hadn't thought of the Aircraft Maintenance career until I was replacing the motor mounts to my Honda Civic and felt really pleased doing that type of work. I know working on aircraft will be different and involve more but the replacement of what was faulty for what is efficient was rewarding. I felt the improvement and gained an understanding of how this car was constructed and its parts. A career in Aircraft Maintenance interests me because I know this is an essential job to keep society going. I like to be part of things that matter and things that are of good, there's personal satisfaction in knowing the work I do carries weight with it. Also, the actual planes and their engineering is a tremendous feat that man has been able to achieve. I always had this curiosity about how they function and now I will have the ability to gain that understanding and apply it in the real world. I know this is what I desire to work in. So I will go towards this goal with diligence in my studies and a great attitude that will reflect in me as a person as well.