I still remember the day we got my dog, Chase. It was my tenth birthday and I had just gotten home from school. Walking into the house, I heard some commotion near our backyard. As I approached the noises, my mom met me halfway and told me she had a present for me. We both walked into the backyard together, and I saw him. The cutest little puppy to ever be. He was a rat terrier, tiny, stumbling around on the grass and wagging his tail as fast as it would go. I had been wanting a dog for so long and found Chase a while ago in an ad on Craigslist. He was listed for $20. To this day, I am confident that this was the best $20 that has been or ever will be spent. Chase's name actually started out as Chance. But very shortly after he joined the family, we all realized that he was really a "Chase." He was incredibly athletic; the fastest dog any of us had ever seen. He was the champion at playing fetch, and also at dodging our attempts to get him back inside. I can't count how many times we all raced him in our backyard, always knowing we had no chance of beating him. But we would try. And each time we lost, we would celebrate and praise him endlessly. We would offer him treats, but he was rarely interested. We were always confused about his picky eating. I wonder now if he was just keeping himself in shape to keep winning all of our races. It's not an exaggeration to say that Chase was the heart of our family. We all bonded through him in countless ways. Even after the divorce of my parents, Chase would come along with us kids every Sunday when it was time to switch houses for the week. He would jump into the car and stand on the middle console until we arrived at our Mom's or Dad's. He was there with us through everything. He was really the best dog in the world. I know I'm biased, but I really do think so. Chase died last month. He was about 75 years old in his world. He wasn't as fast as he once was, but he still loved to run and play just as much as he ever did. We all loved him so much, and I don't think that any of us will ever be truly over his passing. But I am ever grateful to have had the honor to love him for as long as I did. I'll remember him forever as the one who brought us all together in the times we needed it most, and always loved each of our family members unconditionally. I'll remember Chase as the best dog in the world.

“It is said that how we choose to respond to life’s challenges shapes our life.” When I read this statement and think deeply about its meaning, I can’t help but agree. This statement is really what life is all about. How we choose to react to any situation-- happy, sad, difficult-- will inevitably impact and shape our futures and our lives. Challenges, however, are specific. Challenges are easy to respond negatively to and have the potential to be quite damaging if they aren’t properly handled. But, knowing that we are able to decide how these challenges affect us can give us the opportunity to take control of them, instead of letting them control us. Both of my parents have struggled with alcoholism for the majority of their lives and for the entirety of the lives of my siblings and I. It has been a long, tiresome, complex, and oftentimes hurtful, battle. Growing up, I regularly thought about the unfairness of the circumstance. I was essentially a third parent to myself and two younger siblings. Instead of our parents, I had to be there for them when they needed me. I had to comfort them when they needed to be consoled. My parents’ addiction forced me to grow up before I was meant to and it just wasn’t fair. But I eventually grew tired of feeling sorry for myself; holding onto built-up anger. After all, where was it getting me? I’d developed an eating disorder and my mental health was spiraling. I knew that it was time to free myself. In turn, I decided to reevaluate my response to the challenge at hand. Now, while my situation hasn’t changed much, my outlook has. I’ve let go of all of the blaming. I focus on the good aspects of life. I emphasize gratitude. Instead of growing tired of my siblings’ occasional neediness, I’m thankful that we have such close relationships. Instead of resenting my parents for their alcoholism, I’m grateful that they are trying to get better. This is how my own responses to the challenge of my parents’ addiction has shaped my life. When I was wallowing in the darkness of it all, I was depressed, angry, and directionless. Once I decided to make a change for the better and react to this challenge in a positive way, I’ve been able to enjoy life and experience happiness again. How we choose to respond to life’s challenges will indeed shape our lives, but we can always find comfort in knowing that at the end of the day, we are in charge.

For this project, I am going to start at the beginning of my college experience and progress to where I presently am. My playlist/album is called Finding Future and my artist name is Faia (because I'm the true artist here!) 1. Listen to the Music- The Doobie Brothers When I finally graduated high school after what seemed like an eternity, I was so excited and more than ready to move on to a new chapter in life. With this excitement came some nerves, but overall I was happy to be getting on with things! 2. Goodbye Yellow Brick Road- Elton John Just when things were settling into place and beginning to look up, the pandemic started. I was only just starting my first semester of college when COVID really started gaining momentum. I could tell things weren't looking good and prepared myself for a long road ahead. 3. Lonely Weekend- Kacey Musgraves After about a year, I was starting to get very tired and lonesome after having been away from my friends (and society in general) for so long. While I'm quite content with spending time alone, I was beginning to sorely miss being able to have even the most mundane experiences. It was disappointing to miss out on so many things during such formative years. The pandemic was really starting to take a toll on me. 4. Put Your Records On- Corinne Bailey Rae I was able to take a break from classes for the summer and this somewhat revived me! I was ready to get back on track and begin again. 5. Dreams- Fleetwood Mac My second year of college was actually a very good experience. I was able to get into a good routine and I enjoyed my classes quite a bit. I knew in the back of my mind that I would soon have to get serious about deciding on a career path, though. I was a little lost at this point, but I was able to maintain a positive attitude for the most part. 6. Vienna- Billy Joel The summer after my second year of college was the point where I knew I had some things to figure out before I could continue. I was still unsure of what I truly wanted to do, so after many hours of debating with my parents and myself, I came to the decision to take a gap year to save up some money and really reflect on what my goals were in order to have full confidence in my future. 7. my future- Billie Eilish My gap year is coming to an end and I am overjoyed to say that I have finally found a career that fits me perfectly. I know that many people say it is hard to go back to school after taking some time off but personally, I am more excited than ever to get back into my rhythm. Nursing school will surely be a challenge, but I am dedicated and prepared, and more than ready to take on that challenge!

My own mental health has been something that I've struggled with for years; I can almost pinpoint where it experienced a significant enough change to where it began to impact my daily life. When I was 12, my parents went through a divorce and I was left to pick up the slack in order to keep my two younger siblings well-cared-for. This of course resulted in a significant mound of pressure that I casually let rest on my shoulders for years to come. This pressure, paired with impossibly high standards for myself and a debilitating fear of failure, resulted in a person who was hardly even mentally present anymore. Going through the motions and doing anything in my power to please any and all who were around me was how I functioned for a great portion of my life. My days of having the carefree mindset of a child were cut short and my brain was rewired into a constant state of stress, worry, and depression. Fortunately, I’ve since become very skilled at managing these problems, however, over time I've accumulated quite an array of bad habits as a result of these issues. I would constantly cut people off, rarely grant forgiveness, offer very little trust… I also developed a scarily distorted sense of self. It was/is a slow, grueling process overcoming these destructive patterns, but taking it one day at a time and really holding myself accountable has been incredibly transformative. Making myself face these issues head-on has done wonders for my mental health. But once again, the process was not easy. Since the time my mental health first began to dwindle, the bad things I gained were accompanied by the loss of a lot of good things as well. Watching relationships crumble and deteriorate became something of a norm, including those of my father, my friends, and even God. And due to it being abused in the past, I stifled my innate selflessness as much as possible. All of these things collaborated to create a calloused, cynic of a person– not at all who I feel I truly am at heart. Throughout the past year, I have been frantically searching for even a sliver of direction to help me figure out what career path I’m destined for. And only just recently have I opened my eyes to an instinct that has been unwavering since the very beginning, despite my various attempts to make it disappear: altruism. I had spent so long treating this aspect of myself as a fault, when I should have been treating it as a blessing, even with the disadvantages it came with. Previously, I would have been terrified at the thought of caring for others as a full-time job due to being so heavily relied on during my childhood. However, I know now that I don’t have to look back on that time in my life with only negativity. Now, I see it as a teaching experience, as it has shown me that caring for others is actually something I excel at. And that's okay! I have developed a lot as a person, and as I’ve developed, I have grown to love and embrace these instincts rather than keep them hidden. I understand that as an adult, it's okay to care about things and it's okay to be looked to for support. It’s who I am, so why fight it? All 12-year-old me ever wanted was someone to be there for her. And as long as I trust in the path being paved for me, I know I can be that person for others.

My everything is my best friend Gabriela. High school was a rough and difficult time for me. As I dealt with an eating disorder, angry divorced parents, and taking care of my needy younger siblings, it felt as if I was descending into a deep, dark, seemingly endless direction of nothingness. Until I met Gabriela. My glorious Gabriela illuminated my life like I hadn't seen since my early childhood. She took me in and showed me the care and love that I knew I deserved all along but had never received. And in return I gladly mirrored this right back at her. Gabriela and I became best friends, constantly supporting and lifting each other up while always being sure to maintain our shared profound love of Taylor Swift. Now we often joke about being soulmates and how it was meant to be that she and I had both wound up in Kansas after her living in Mexico and me living in Alaska as kids. And I believe this to be true. Because without Gabriela I know that I would surely still be lost and living the same bleak life I'd been living before her. Gabriela is my everything, and to have someone who is even a fraction of the incredible being that she is would be a true blessing for anybody. I truly love my best friend and am honored to be apart of her life and that she is apart of mine. Gabriela dedicated the Taylor Swift song "Seven" to me, and I feel that this song perfectly describes how our friendship is beautifully everlasting.