When I lost my grandmother, it felt like the world was a worse place. I had lost someone I trusted in every fiber of my being. I was angry with people who went about their lives while my family mourned. I felt that my only way to honor the strength she had, was to show my own strength. I had to fight to pursue anything and everything that I wanted in life. My grandmother passed away while I was completing my EMT schooling. From that point forward I took every lesson more seriously. I studied harder, asked more questions, and worked harder to earn my certification. When I passed my classes and took my National Registry exam, I felt like I had done her proud. I passed on my first try and sat down and cried. I wished I could call her and hear her voice. I was immensely proud of myself and knew she would be too. I've worked as an EMT for three years and love what I do. However, I know that my grandmother would be pushing me to pursue what it is I find interesting and to keep pushing myself to learn. I want to pursue computer science and earn my bachelor's degree. I know my grandma would be telling me to do whatever makes me happy. The last time I spoke to my grandmother she said to me, "I've always been proud of my babies, but make yourself happy too. I know you've been through a lot, but you're so strong baby. Be strong for you. Do anything that you want. I love you and I'll talk to you later on. Bye baby!" She died eight days later in Texas. She was the person I always want to call when I have good news. When I'm struggling, I just want to hear her voice encouraging and comforting me. She talked me through my severe detox from heroine. She told me she didn't care what I had done because I was choosing to take care of myself now. She stayed on the phone with me for hours when I was at my lowest. She was a rock for me and a beam of light when my life became too dark and cloudy. I want to show her that the impact she made on my life wasn't just while she was alive and well. Losing her took some of the joy from my life, but it gave me more reasons to always work hard. The loss always reminds me of some of her last words, "make yourself happy too". I've decided to pursue a higher education in a field that would force me to think harder, work harder, and be more competitive with my own self. Constant learning is something I enjoy and brings me a sense of pride I can't begin to put into words. I want to make myself happy too. Pursuing a degree and learning something completely new is going to give me that. Making myself happy too has become the main goal of my life. While I love emergency medicine and plan to continue doing EMT work as a volunteer after earning my degree, I want to follow new pursuits. I want to complete my degree and help make changes in an ever growing and changing field. I want to show my grandmother that I took her words to heart, and that I will carry them with me for the rest of my life. I will continue to make myself happy too.

In my mind, the ideal bookshelf is books that have changed my world view. While scrolling mindlessly one night on tiktok, I came across a book recommendation. The book was Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingslayer. I decided to pick it up a few weeks later at my local bookstore and started reading it that night. The book follows a kid named Damon through his life as he battles through abuse, the foster system, and addiction. The story is so captivating and heartbreaking. It takes you through the highs and lows of his life, the good and the bad, the sad and the sadder. It shows you a new perspective for a kid living as a foster that has never been explored before. I devoured the book within three days and felt emotions I didn't think a book would make me feel so truly and deeply. It made me consider more of the books that had been recommended by content creators on an app I used to kill time at work. I began to pick up more books that had been suggested, and while some of them weren't great for me, some of them have made me a different person and taught me things I wasn't sure I needed to know in my life. The Midnight Library taught me to look at how my life is now. So many creators had said how amazing it was, and I knew I had to trust it. When I started this book, it reminded me of some of the low moments in my life, and the feelings that followed. The premise of this book is the idea that right before death, you go to a library with books that show you how your life could've been had you made different choices. It shows you how different things could be, and it doesn't always mean you see something better. It gives insight that sometimes you can regret a decision that might not have been what you wanted anyway. It shows how fickle those feelings can be if we let them. The profound message for me was that no matter what I think I should've done, it doesn't mean I would've been a happier person for it. I feel that many people related to these books, and they became so popular because of the message they carried. It showed many people that life is only one chance. It doesn't mean you should feel stuck or unhappy just because you think that's what you need to be doing. It gave us a glimpse at lives that may be so similar or so different from our own. It showed us how life isn't supposed to be perfect. The imperfections are where we find the beautiful things and moments that define us. These books have profoundly changed my outlook on my own life and so many others. These two books and countless others have reshaped my understanding of the meaning of life. The meaning of life is to follow what you want. To not be defined by the things you've been told to follow. To allow yourself grace and allow yourself to feel. To find love and feel sadness when it's lost. To feel things as they come and let the feelings be where they belong in that moment. These are the books that would fill my ideal bookshelf. These are some of the books that fill my current bookshelf. Thank you for considering me and taking the time to read about my passion for books!

Success is a unique word because it can look so vastly different for everyone. To me success is being happy in my choices even if others don't always understand them. I've always followed my passions even when others thought I might regret those choices. When I made the drastic career change from welding into medicine everyone told me it was a bad idea. My own parents told me I shouldn't do this because they thought I wouldn't thrive. Medicine has taught me so many things and the joy it has brought me was worth fighting through the doubts in myself and created by others. Now I want to try a new study and learn something I've never learned much about before. I want to pursue a degree in computer science and grow my knowledge and skills. I've always felt that change is something too many people fear. I've feared it myself many times and have always been happy when I push through that fear. When I became an EMT I was terrified to fail or mess up. I was worried that I had made a mistake by leaving behind my career in welding. I wondered if I should go back to the comfortable place in my life where I knew what to do, where to be, and how to improve. Instead, I chose to push through my anxiety and have since fallen in love with being an EMT. However, I feel yet again that I've become too stagnant in my day-to-day life. I'm too comfortable in my situation and feel like I've given myself a bubble of safety where I cannot continue to grow. I feel that this scholarship would allow me the flexibility to continue my journey in personal growth and development. I would love to learn something new and continue into a field I've always wanted to expand my knowledge in. This would allow me to focus more on my studies and less on the financial burden that comes with a higher education. I would use this to allow myself to do research projects throughout my schooling and find answers to the many questions I have. I would love the chance to complete my schooling without the worry of having to skip a semester to handle payments for classes. In medicine I've learned that many people are severely underrepresented in many ways. I would love to be able to see how this affects other fields as well. This is the research I would love to do while in school if given the opportunity. I would like to see how many different cultures are able to pursue this same degree and see how much financial ability affects this. I've noticed in my own personal experience that many people of color are unable to pursue higher education due to financial reasons or based on the environment they were raised in. These challenges can seem impossible to overcome, and I would like to show many of the people I grew up around, this simply isn't the case. I feel that everyone deserves to change careers or choose a career that interests them without the barriers that have been created by the world that's around us. As someone who comes from a lower income family without any college graduates, I want to be able to pursue a career that brings me new challenges and provide myself with a life that allows me to continue to study and grow my education. So, in my eyes, success is the ability to grow. It's the ability to create the life you want and to be who you want to be. It's the freedom to continue learning and changing your thought patterns and learning about people who are vastly different from yourself. The ability to affect change and foster positive changes within yourself is what success is to me. I've found I'm happiest when I spend my days learning something new or experiencing something I never have. I feel that this scholarship would help propel me into success by giving me the freedom to continue learning and changing my world view! Thank you for considering me and taking the time to hear my thoughts on success!

My favorite movies on Netflix are the Fear Street trilogy. The movies are considered horror and slasher films, but I find the story to be more than that. The story follows two towns right next to each other. Shady Side is always in a crime wave and has consistent issues with people snapping and going on murder sprees, while Sunny Vale is a blossoming and thriving pinnacle of the country. The story takes you through three separate time periods and introduces you to a story line you think you have figured out until the last movie. The legend around Shady Side is a witch put a curse on the town in 1666 right before being hung for witchcraft. This curse is the reason people in Shady Side seem to snap and go on murderous rampages. The first movie takes place in 1994 and follows a group of friends from Shady Side who become the target of the killers. The movie is rather gratuitous with the use of blood and violence throughout, but the main plot is so interesting you can't help but watch it all the way through! The plot also encompasses a story about love and the stigma given to people who come from less-than-ideal homes. The main characters make it hard not to root for them to win while also giving a very real look into the minds of a young person going through life in a town that provides so little opportunity for growth. The second movie takes place in the seventies and gives further background into the mystery of the curse. It introduces new characters and new dynamics that weren't seen in the first movie. It has the charm of movies produced in the 80's and 90's despite being produced many years later. The movies are also based on books written by the famous R.L. Stein. They might not be for everyone but for anyone who enjoyed Goosebumps as a kid will enjoy the thrill the plot brings. The third movie takes place in 1666 and introduces you to the witch herself, Sarah Fier. The third movie gives you the final piece of the puzzle needed to solve the mystery and tie up the plot lines started in the first installment of the trilogy. These movies give you the perfect villain and hero while making you fall in love with even the most minor characters. As much as you might not like horror movies or gore, the plot these movies bring to life is worth toughing it out. I truly love these movies and watch them over and over, wishing I could watch them for the first time all over again! I hope you consider bingeing these amazing movies. They are true pieces of art and I hope you enjoy them as much as I do!

For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with anxiety. As a young child I couldn't fully understand why I was so nervous all the time. It presented in everything I did. I struggled to make friends and meaningful connections. What seemed like a small issue to everyone else, was an earth ending event for me. The older I got the worse it seemed to be. The more problems I faced, the more my anxiety made my life harder. It seemed like a constant stream of nervous thoughts that I couldn't stop no matter what I did. I felt like I had to fight through every single day. I had to hide the fear I constantly felt to keep myself from falling apart. When I got into middle school, things started to worsen for me. My academic achievements allowed me to skip sixth grade. I was leaving behind the few friends I had made to grow my academic portfolio. My first day felt awful. Everyone looked at me like the weird outsider. My own thoughts had already convinced me that I was, and the harsh reality only made this feeling worse. I was starting over, and my anxiety heightened the feeling of dread. I wasn't popular, rich, or particularly interesting to my peers. I struggled to feel accepted every single day. This led to battling with depression and anxiety simultaneously. After two years of severe anxiety, bouts of depression, and my first experiences with thoughts of suicide, I went to high school. I was the youngest kid in my class. I was still looked at as an outsider by many of my classmates. I was in a constant battle within my own mind. I was also navigating feelings of being in the wrong body. Wishing that I was a boy. I didn't understand these feelings yet and wouldn't for a long time after. I spent my first three years of high school surrounded by the same two people I had managed to befriend in middle school. I had acquaintances, but nothing with a deeper connection. I felt alone in many ways. Then, one of my friends introduced me to the girl who would become my first girlfriend. For the first few months of our official relationship, I felt like I hadn't been forgotten. As the relationship continued though, I started to feel my anxiety worsen. I was scared to say the wrong thing, communicate my needs, and show my affections. My relationship had become emotionally and verbally abusive. She told me everything my anxiety and depression had been whispering in my ear for years. To her I was worthless, stupid, selfish, arrogant, and a waste of space. After five months in this relationship, I was introduced to recreational drugs. I started smoking weed as a way to quiet the voices. I coped using this for the following seven months of my relationship. I graduated high school and was navigating the world as an adult. One month after high school graduation, I was dumped by my first girlfriend. I was working my first job and still coping using weed. Then my relationship with my mother became rocky. We were never on the same page and argued constantly. This is when I made the decision to leave my parents' home and find my own place to live. I was in my own space for the first time ever. It gave me a false sense of freedom. I was in a constant state of worry and depression. I started drinking, smoking weed, and taking any other drugs I could to feel like I wasn't a mess. I had begun doing heroine as a regular coping mechanism. I was constantly high on something. I had fallen into my lowest point yet to cope with my anxiety and depression. I had resigned to the idea of overdosing and leaving the world behind. The thought was comforting in its own way. It felt like a release from the burden I had been feeling in my brain. It was comfortable to think I wouldn't be here much longer. It made the bad days pass easier. It made all of the pain, anxiety, sadness, and anger seem unimportant. After a year of living as a drug addict, it all came to a head. I had been out getting my next high when I woke up next to the body of a friend. He had overdosed in the middle of the night and suffocated on his own vomit. My whole way of thinking shifted. I laid there crying and begging him to move again. All the while a mental shift was taking place. I had thought that wanting to die would feel peaceful and bring me the calm I had always needed. Seeing my friend lay there lifeless made me realize the pain I would cause to the people I loved. It would mean leaving my mother, my father, my sister, and my brothers. The realization shook me to my core and changed everything for me. For the next week I would fight through shaking, nausea, vomiting, and severe physical pain as I detoxed from drugs. I would spend the next few years of my life beginning my transition, meeting new abusive girlfriends, and starting a new career. I would start therapy and make sure my life never went back to drugs. Now I'm 24. I've been lucky enough to marry the most amazing woman. I've started a new career that gives me a purpose I didn't know I could feel. I've been able to stay sober for 5 years with no relapses. I've become much more in tune with my needs when it comes to depression and anxiety. I have become the person I wanted to be all those years ago when I didn't know why I was so different. I still fight with the feelings in my head, but I know how to cope even when it's hard. I'm proud of who I am now.