1 Corinthians 6:9-10 has always managed to sting my heart, no matter how many times it’s read to me. From the moment I discovered my sexuality in sixth grade, this scripture became a painful reminder that I would never belong—neither to my family nor to the congregation. I was raised as a 4th generation Witness. My entire extended family is entrenched within this belief system and its community. Even though my family didn’t hold any prominent positions in the congregation, it was integral to act as if we were the shining example of a perfect spiritual family. When in reality, my parents suffered with depression and anxiety from the unhealthy lifestyle of this high-control religion, which led them to abuse alcohol as their coping mechanism (as their parents and grandparents had). I subconsciously recognized this pattern as a child. I saw how unhappy my parents truly were, and how they put on a completely different personality for the congregation. I truly felt destined to have to deal with these issues as well as alcohol abuse as an adult. It was a really frightening prospect for me. I believe this was the first time I questioned whether I wanted to stay within in this religion. Some time later, my mom had a horrible incident involving her alcohol abuse, which could’ve left her paralyzed. But thankfully, because of the hard work of the surgeons and doctors who took care of her, and in spite of the unbiblical blood doctrine, she was able to rehabilitate. Due to the serious nature of this incident, she decided that to confess to the elders about her ‘sin’ of overdrinking. However, this process was truly traumatic for my mom. She had a Judicial Committee formed, her first one, and expected for Jehovah to swiftly let the elders know that she was truly repentant. Oh how wrong that was. It took multiple deliberations between my parents and the elders to decide whether to disfellowship her or not. Most of the elders on her committee were very sympathetic towards the situation, and did not want to disfellowship her. However, the COBE was on her committee. He was notoriously known to be very dogmatic and egocentric. He had lots of bitterness towards our family. Maybe he thought we weren’t spiritual enough? Or maybe we offended him personally? I honestly have no idea, he was like a dog with a bone. He was determined to get her disfellowshipped. This toxic situation got so bad, that my parents had to appeal to the governing body, yet they could do nothing to help. In the end, my mom was disfellowshipped for almost 2 years. Throughout this entire process. I got to see firsthand how disgustingly unloving it can be. I knew my mom was a good person that was going though so much in her life and on top of that, she had to deal with subconscious generational trauma all on her own. I knew she didn’t deserve to be shunned by her family and her close friends for all that time. I thought Jehovah and the Governing Body would see that as well, but they didn’t. This undermined my faith in this religion, and it was a huge turning point in my waking up journey. Another huge point of my waking up journey was being able to explore my sexuality. It was inculcated in me that sex is a very dangerous thing, and only in very specific circumstances was it ever beneficial, and the people who didn’t fit into the mold wouldn’t inherit God’s Kingdom. When I discovered myself, I still firmly believed in this notion. I hated myself and urged Jehovah to fix me so that I could get into paradise. I was only a child thinking that. Over time, I started to question even more. How could a supposedly loving God condemn people simply for being themselves? Attending meetings became unbearable, as talks and Watchtower articles regularly vilified LGBTQ+ individuals, using out of context and mistranslated scriptures to defend these stances. The disconnect between my identity and the congregation’s teachings was absolutely suffocating. It floored me how the most loving people in the congregation towards me would comment these vile things about how disgusting homosexuality is. What would happen if they knew about me? This proved to me that I couldn’t survive in this religion. I couldn’t live my life hiding who I truly was. That is not a life worth living. Since stepping away mentally from the mentality of Witnesses, I’ve grown in ways I never thought possible. I feel so much mature compared to my other Witness peers. I’ve developed critical thinking skills, allowing me to question what aligns with my values and discard beliefs that don’t serve my truth. I’ve also embraced healthier coping mechanisms, addressing challenges head-on rather than deferring them with the veil of “It’s all in Jehovah’s hands!” or “Just wait until the new system!”. Through my school’s arts programs, I’ve explored new eye-opening perspectives, built genuine friendships and contributed to a thriving community—an experience that has been profoundly healing. The friends I have made have been such a lifeline for me. Being able to talk freely with them without feeling like I’m being judged and looked down upon is so freeing. I’m finally free to envision a future of my own making. I really don’t know where I would be now if I were homeschooled, like so many JW children are. I’m so grateful I get this opportunity to pursue higher education, unlike many JW youth. I am making my real truth, my own.