As I stepped through the doorway of my grandparent's house and made my way toward their room, an unsettling feeling washed over me. Something was definitely off. My grandfather's shirt was lopsided, and the left side of his body appeared rigid and stiff. "Papa, can you try to walk over to me?" I asked. As he stumbled towards me, it became abundantly clear that a trip to the hospital was necessary.
Hours passed, filled with numerous tests and anxious waiting until we finally learned that my grandfather had both an ischemic and a hemorrhagic stroke. The aftermath of these two strokes had left their mark on his frontal lobe and the left hemisphere of his brain. The path to recovery proved to be anything but easy. Trying to explain to my grandfather why he struggled with tasks such as counting money or remembering phone numbers he had known by heart for years was heartbreaking. Additionally, trying to convince him to do therapy and discharge him to a rehabilitation hospital for a few weeks was extremely difficult. My grandfather was not accustomed to therapists and never imagined he would have to relearn tasks like picking items up. Despite being there for him every step of the way, one thing I could not have prepared for was the immense mental anguish he would endure.
The impact of my grandfather's strokes extended far beyond his memory and cognitive abilities; it reached into the depths of his mood, emotions, and overall well-being. I witnessed a whirlwind of alternating highs and lows. Prior to his strokes, I could recall only a handful of times I had seen my grandfather shed a tear. But in the aftermath of the strokes, it seemed as if I were always running to find tissues and offer solace. On the flip side, there emerged a previously unseen impulsivity and anger, as my grandfather became fixated on certain actions and thoughts that proved incredibly difficult to shake.
Being by my grandfather's side during this season of depression, distress, anxiety, and grief has had a profound impact on me. Reading about mental health conditions is one thing, but experiencing them firsthand, or witnessing their effects on someone you love, is an entirely different matter altogether. I have gained a new and well-founded perspective on mental health and mental illness. Often, we struggle to find the perfect words or statements to comfort someone, when, in reality, the greatest form of comfort lies in simply being present.
With my new understanding of how the brain serves as the epicenter of our thoughts, memories, and emotions, I have become increasingly interested in learning more about the complexities of the brain. I aim to contribute to increasing society's awareness and comprehension of mental health and illness, while also striving to break down barriers and reduce stigma. I aspire to become a psychiatrist with a utopian vision of excellent health, wellness, and well-being for all in a world without health disparities. Having more representation in medicine, especially mental health, is integral for having more communities of color seek mental health care. I plan to be an advocate for social change and social justice to encourage my community not to bottle things in. I am passionate about providing culturally and linguistically competent care to communities of color and addressing systemic barriers that continue to oppress us.