'Full' Bloated As I climb the third flight of stairs to my battered apartment door, I push to the back of my mind the weight of my labored breaths A year ago, I could do this A 1-mile run was no tougher than a brisk walk through the sand But I am larger now Heavier Wider Some would say that I take up more space I remember the feeling of lightness The clothes loosely hanging from my frame The chiseled bones carving out the hidden features beneath my cheeks The poke of my ribs through my cold skin unto my hard bed every nigh- I remember once feeling lighter Never being afraid to wear a cropped blouse Loving the lessness of myself in the mirror The worry painting my mother's face to see her youngest child so frai- I remember feeling much lighter The intrigued stares each time I entered a room The compliments, the comments, the freedom to eat To exist The fear of losing it The fear of losing it all Today I am not as light I eat and see the remnants of each bite in every photo. Every mirror. Every moment. Today I am afraid that I will never love myself as I used to But I never even used to Today as I breathe in, turning my key into the lock I wish that I didn't fear myself for taking up a little more space

I lost my grandmother to a malpractice incident in Nigeria and grew up greatly mistrusting medical care. Those negative views manifested as I developed a detrimental relationship with my own mental and physical health. This came to a turning point when I began seeing a physician for my annual physicals. I vividly recall my physician compassionately discussing my well-being with me and reminding me, “This is the only body you will ever get, so take care of it”. I realized then that my control over my health was being hindered by the misinformed views that I had towards the world of healthcare. Now, understanding that medical distrust is common within communities of color due to a history of mistreatment, I am passionate about serving as a trusted source of medical aid in my community in the future. My doctor’s key piece of advice encouraged me to reclaim my health with the help of her and my family, and in the meantime, I began forming new connections with parents and students in my first job as a Learning Academy teacher. As a teacher, I recognized how interconnected familial upbringing and social structures are with wellness, and I decided to pursue a degree in Human Development to build upon that knowledge while uplifting students who may have been raised with hesitations toward mental and physical healthcare services due to factors beyond their control. My new interest in healthcare encouraged me to volunteer as a Meals on Wheels Social Caller soon after beginning college, and I soon found myself sharing joyful stories over the phone with 'Ms. May', both of us supporting one another in a unique way. One day, however, Ms. May did not answer my call. Days after: silence. Finally, she answered. Sensing her exhaustion, I learned that Ms. May had been dealing with respiratory issues due to the mold in her apartment. After months spent arguing with her apartment manager, she accepted that she would never be able to move out. Hopeless, she whispered, “Ms. Esther, this apartment is sucking the life out of me.” I immediately contacted my coordinator and inquired whether Ms. May's social worker could be reached. My coordinator promised to intervene and after days of not hearing from Ms. May, I finally reached her. With glee, she told me that she was moving out. I couldn’t contain my excitement as she shared with full relief, “Ms. Esther, I just can’t wait to breathe again!” Meeting Ms. May reminded me how important it is to advocate for people that are consistently overlooked. I cannot talk about my desire to practice medicine without mentioning how greatly my interest in community health has fed into my passion for the field. My goal is to continue working with disadvantaged communities as a physician, advocating for health equity in all forms, no matter the cost. This scholarship will play a tremendous role in allowing me to finance my transition to medical school this Fall so that I can continue to focus on furthering my education. As I have worked to improve my health and shared powerful stories with individuals through service work within my community, I have continually discovered my true purpose: to promote wellness to people raised with an aversion towards healthcare due to a lack of resources and no one to hear their pleas. I am incredibly eager to grow and venture down this path to become an advocate for communities that have, for far too long, been overlooked. I envision myself in the room truly hearing a patient, discovering what they need, and facing that challenge head-on.

I lost my grandmother to a malpractice incident in Nigeria and grew up greatly mistrusting medical care. Those negative views manifested as I developed a detrimental relationship with my own mental and physical health. This came to a turning point when I began seeing a physician for my annual physicals. I vividly recall my physician compassionately discussing my well-being with me and reminding me, “This is the only body you will ever get, so take care of it”. I realized then that my control over my health was being hindered by the misinformed views that I had towards the world of healthcare. Now, understanding that medical distrust is common within communities of color due to a history of mistreatment, I am passionate about serving as a trusted source of medical aid in my community in the future. My doctor’s key piece of advice encouraged me to reclaim my health with the help of her and my family, and in the meantime, I began forming new connections with parents and students in my first job as a Learning Academy teacher. As a teacher, I recognized how interconnected familial upbringing and social structures are with wellness, and I decided to pursue a degree in Human Development to build upon that knowledge while uplifting students who may have been raised to hold hesitations toward mental and physical healthcare services due to factors beyond their control. My new interest in healthcare encouraged me to volunteer as a Meals on Wheels Social Caller soon after beginning college, and I soon found myself sharing joyful stories over the phone with 'Ms. May', both of us supporting one another in a unique way. One day, however, Ms. May did not answer my call. Days after: silence. Finally, she answered. Sensing her exhaustion, I learned that Ms. May had been dealing with respiratory issues due to the mold in her apartment. After months spent arguing with her apartment manager, she accepted that she would never be able to move out. Hopeless, she whispered, “Ms. Esther, this apartment is sucking the life out of me.” I immediately contacted my coordinator and inquired whether Ms. May's social worker could be reached. My coordinator promised to intervene and after days of not hearing from Ms. May, I finally reached her. With glee, she told me that she was moving out. I couldn’t contain my excitement as she shared with full relief, “Ms. Esther, I just can’t wait to breathe again!” Meeting Ms. May reminded me how important it is to advocate for people that are consistently overlooked. I cannot talk about my desire to practice medicine without mentioning how greatly my interest in community health has fed into my passion for the field. My goal is to continue working with disadvantaged communities as a physician, advocating for health equity in all forms, no matter the cost. This scholarship will play a tremendous role in allowing me to finance my transition to medical school this Fall so that I can continue to focus on furthering my education. As I have worked to improve my health while sharing powerful stories with individuals through service work within my community, I have continually discovered my true purpose: to promote wellness to people raised with an aversion towards healthcare due to a lack of resources and no one to hear their pleas. I am incredibly eager to grow and venture down this path to become an advocate for communities that have, for far too long, been overlooked. I envision myself in the room truly hearing a patient, discovering what they need, and facing that challenge head-on.