Growing up, the concept of correction was always tied to pain. In Nigeria, mistakes were not met with guidance or a chance to learn. Instead, they were met with beatings. I was punished simply for experiencing the natural curiosities of being a child. When my family moved to America, the physical discipline stopped because the law required it, but the environment did not truly change. The physical blows were simply replaced by verbal abuse. For years, my parents would systematically break my soul down with harsh words, only to conclude every painful session by saying they only did it because they loved me. Because this was my primary blueprint, I genuinely believed that love and emotional destruction were identical.
This deep programming followed me into high school, where it yielded devastating consequences. When a male friend assaulted me, I did not question his actions or demand justice. He told me that he loved me, and my mind was already trained to believe that those who love you will also hurt you. I forgave him immediately because survival had taught me that forgiveness was the only option when facing abuse from the people closest to you. I carried that heavy burden in silence, completely unaware of how deeply my understanding of human connection had been warped by the actions of the people who were supposed to protect me.
Everything changed when I transitioned to college. Moving away from home gave me physical and emotional independence for the very first time in my life. In this new space, away from the constant noise of criticism and trauma, I finally had the room to look closely at my past. I realized with absolute clarity that none of what I experienced was genuine love. It was not love when my parents spoke down to my spirit, it was not love when physical hands landed on my body, and it was certainly not love when a friend used affection as a cover for assault. Recognizing this truth was incredibly painful, but it was also the exact moment I reclaimed my own narrative.
With my newfound independence, I chose to consciously forge a completely different path for my goals, my relationships, and my view of the world. Instead of letting bitterness take root, my life experiences challenged me to see the potential for good in the world and to actively do better than the generations that came before me. I made a deliberate choice to build a healthy community of my own. I started showing up consistently for the people around me, offering them the safety and reliability that I had always craved as a child.
To ensure I was building these relationships on a solid foundation, I committed myself to therapy. Through professional guidance, I learned how to unpack my trauma and cultivate genuine patience, kindness, and understanding. Therapy allowed me to break the cycle of hurt so that I would never pass my pain onto others. On campus, I joined student organizations where I could give back to the community and advocate for causes bigger than myself. Through these spaces, I crossed paths with peers whose adolescent lives parallel mine. Together, we found a rare comfort in sharing our survival stories, validating each other's experiences, and proving that we were no longer isolated in our pain.
Today, my understanding of the world is grounded in resilience and hope. I now know that the world is full of beautiful possibilities if we choose to seek them out. My long struggle with depression has directly shaped my future goals. I am determined to use my life to create safe spaces for others, ensuring that young people have the support systems they need to recognize their worth early on.
Lately, I have embraced the powerful realization that life is absolutely worth living. The person I have become deserves to be happy, to heal, and to experience the absolute best things that this world has to offer. My past no longer dictates my future. Despite every dark chapter in my story, I am choosing to live every single day to the absolute fullest. I will relentlessly go after every single opportunity that comes my way. I will choose to be spontaneous, I will love the people in my life whole heartedly without fear, and I will fiercely keep being myself.