When I turned 13, my personality fractured. I went from being bubbly and hyperactive to subdued and cynical. I had a similar outlook on the world around me. To anyone else, it was just puberty. My mother said to me, “There is nothing for someone your age to be stressed about”. Yet the crushing feeling in my heart told me something was wrong. I finally began therapy when I was 17. My therapist diagnosed me with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I took prescription medication for the first time and felt life had become brighter again. Recently, my mental health seemed to be plummeting regardless of therapy. I hadn’t seen my friends. I would make plans with them and cancel the day of. I thought that by going, I might bring others down. I rarely responded to any texts either. My boyfriend attempted to speak about my mental health. I didn't have an explanation. I also didn't want to leave the house, so we didn’t go on dates. I hoped this would not take a toll on our relationship. After having multiple episodes, I saw my primary doctor, who recommended I see a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist I met with diagnosed me with major bipolar disorder and PTSD. Unfortunately, a new prescribed medication caused a severe skin allergic reaction, Stevens-Johnson Syndrome. I'm grateful I survived Stevens-Johnson syndrome and have been able to see my friends and family, all who visited me in the hospital. One of the first things I did outside of the hospital was enjoy a movie with my boyfriend. I’ve gone on morning walks with my mother, taking in the fresh air and quiet. My friends have visited my new apartment. My relationship with my father has improved greatly as well. It’s a bit morbid, but this experience helped me connect with loved ones. Recognizing their support has deepened my gratitude and empathy, which I hope to bring into my future dental practice. These improved relationships have given me the positivity and determination I needed to work on my goals. My main goal is to get into dental school. Due to COVID-19, my pre-dental advisor wasn’t available during my undergraduate studies. It was not on my mind to seek assistance with class planning and Dental Admission Test (DAT) study prep. I graduated from college in 2023 and kept putting it off until this year. I am missing a Biochemistry course to complete my prerequisites. I plan to register for the course and complete it while I study for the DAT. I will be taking it a day at a time as I experience life after Stevens-Johnson syndrome. I will reduce my work hours, giving me much more time to study. My goals include spending some of that time each week with friends and family, not just with my boyfriend. Living with depression, anxiety, and bipolar symptoms taught me how vulnerable people can feel when feeling alone. As a future dentist, I want patients to feel heard, respected, and cared for, especially those who may be struggling with mental health. Offering a sliding fee scale would benefit those who cannot afford dental care and would otherwise forgo it. Furthermore, I hope to achieve financial stability. I have lived with my mother most of my life. We are finally thinking about buying a house, and I want to be able to contribute. Some of my mental instability has come from financial instability. It has been my secret wish for my mother to settle down and purchase a house here in Minnesota. We have moved around a lot and have gotten used to the apartment lifestyle. By achieving my goals, I can greatly improve my quality of life and, by extension, my mental health. After developing Stevens-Johnson syndrome, I feel more alive. Not because I survived, but because I lived to enjoy another day and pursue my goals. Growing up, I had anxiety and insecurity about how my skin looked due to my acne and skin tone. I still do, especially after Stevens-Johnson syndrome left burn marks on my body. Yet I know that each new day I return to my old appearance. I approach the new day with a better outlook on life. I value life so much, and the experiences that come with it, good or bad. The world isn't a terrible place. What matters is your environment and how you shape it. The connections I have with others are essential to the shape. I’m so glad to have seen so many of my friends and family respond to my hospitalization. I am still young and have so much time to heal and enjoy the life ahead of me. When I was in the hospital, I recall seeing so many older people in the Rehabilitation Center. As much as I wanted to leave, I wanted them discharged even more. I hoped to see them keep going, too. Mental health struggles related to physical health affect people of all ages. Honestly, I believe this experience has made me more empathetic, inspired, and determined, and has changed me overall. I hope that my new perspective on life will make me a better dentist in the future. My experience with mental health taught me that healing is not a destination but an ongoing journey. The challenges I have faced with mental illness, Stevens-Johnson syndrome, and recovery have strengthened my determination to pursue a career in dentistry and serve others with compassion and understanding. When a (mental) health event occurs, it truly changes your perspective on the world, the relationships you hold, and the goals you are willing to fight for. I am not fighting alone and have the strength to. I recognize the value of every opportunity to grow, connect with others, and work toward my objectives. By healing and working on my mental health, I can help others through their own struggles and provide care to those who need it most.

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The utopian vision for optimal mental health for the Black community can only be achieved by overcoming the "fear" around mental health and ensuring access to mental health care, in that order! There is mental health care that is readily accessible to the Black community that is not being utilized by the community. There are mental health programs, group therapy, low-cost therapy, and so much more than the community could be using that is not used. When these opportunities are left untouched, they go away because there is the belief they are unneeded or a waste of money. The Black community must overcome its "fear" of mental health before it can utilize its resources. Fear is in quotes deliberately because it is not just normal fear of mental health. There is a fear to be ostracized, humiliated, downplayed and the list goes on. I myself have sought out care only to be given solutions that did not work with my situation. This "fear" stretches further from that though. It is the fear that we will be seen as weak, as powerless, and as foolish. For some, it is the fear to lose their Blackness and be othered or seen as White. These are all misguided judgments regarding mental health and it stands as an obstacle that keeps the Black community from bettering ourselves for the future. How can we expect to break those generational traumas that have hurt our community so much if we continue to follow the words and ideas of the generation before us? Change does not occur by constantly looking into the past. Change comes back stepping into the present and preparing for the future. The question is, do people always know about those programs and therapies meant for them? The answer is no. I firmly believe that the Black communities unwillinglyness to seek help is not the only issue. The issue also comes from the lack of communication with those that health care providers seek to help. It's like someone making you the guest of honor and forgetting to invite you. Outreach to the Black community is being forgotten in the equation. The proper things aren't being advertised nor talked about when it comes to Black mental health. How do we know what to advertise and how to share? We listen. The best advocacy we can do is to achieve social justice for communities of color and to let stories be heard. It doesn't matter if the story has been told or if it is a common one amongst a group. Something that I have noticed in the White community is that they are allowed to tell the same stories over and over again. It doesn't matter how much they beat that dead horse, they get that chance. I've heard about the wife that has to baby her husband and it hurts her. The one about teens falling in with the bad crowd but they were never like that before. I don't care, I'd like my own horse to beat, figuratively, of course. A Black Beauty, if you will. Communities of color are dying for their voice to be heard and that is not figurately. By speaking out and talking more about the problems in the community without sugarcoating. I want to see more research, exposes, and biographies full of the BIPOC experience. I want us to be documented and to be understood. I want the programs that exist to fulfill our needs. Most of all, I want healthy communities that trickle down into a healthier society overall.

I believe in taking everything step by step and one of my various first goals is to finish my internship. As a Public Health Sciences Major with a Pre-Dental track, I will be doing an internship with Childrens Dental Services. I am really excited for this intereship as it's involved in many of the things I push for when it comes to Dental Public Health. It's also important to me because this is the sort of resource I wish my mother had access to during my childhood. When it comes to continuing my education, I'd like to get my Doctor of Dental Surgery degree and potentially my Master's in Public Health. I would like to extend my studies to a concentration of either Prosthodontics or Orthodontics. Eventually, I'd like to open my own practice. I hope to do this in a place lacking in proper or rather consistent dental hygiene. I want to be a familiar face in the community. I also hope I can make time to write a book focused on BIPOC Dental Health and create my own scholarship for BIPOC Dental students. Lastly, I'd like to advocate for the merging of Health Insurance and Dental Insurance. All while in the process of achieving my goals, I would like to engage with projects similar to Children's Dental Service where I am serving the community through Dental Public Health efforts. There are those who do not understand the power of communication and I belive that is the biggest thing that healthcare lacks currently. The stories I've heard about people not understanding what they doctor explained to them or not taking their doctor's advice are serious. We may joke about code-switching on the job but it's a skill and a useful one at that. Not only are you able to explain things to someone in a "language" they understand but you are able to help them and make things easier for them. There are physicians that do not take their patients serious and this can end up causing irreversible damage to them. Look no further than the stats on pregnant black and brown women. Communication doesn't stop there. Communication is non-verbal too and the entire being of an individual of another race is a form of positive communication. Seeing racial diversity or someone that looks like you can make patients feel more comfortable when asking questions and explaining their issues. Sometimes, we communicate with body language and if I'm being honest, not everyone is going to pick up on that. Not every physician knows when to ask someone to leave the room or when a patient may need care right then and there. Racial diversity can open the door to healthcare workers being able to provide quality care to more individuals who need it. It will make the connection between patient and physician more transparent and comfortable. I'd like to be included as one of the individuals that can make this happen in the healthcare industry. I want to be one more voice representing and pushing for racial diversity in all industries.

My mother to me has always been the poster child for the "Strong Black Woman". As a single mother who constantly working and never took shit from men, the people around her, or the world, she was exactly the kind of woman that popped into your head when you heard the phrase. She raised me so of course, I was going to try or at least end up being pretty similar to her. When I looked in the mirror, I didn't always see a "Strong Black Woman". I faltered, I was a crybaby, and I was weak. I believed that something was wrong with the way I was. Even when I looked for the versions of a Black woman I could be, I felt I just didn't fit. There were countless words said and actions did to me that made me feel disconnected from the idea of the "Black Woman" much less the "Strong Black Woman". There wasn't a profound moment that changed everything. Instead, it was as simple as a change in my mindset. Black women were more than one thing, more than the stereotypes that surround us. Which meant that I could be as soft and sweet as I wanted. Furthermore, we as people can decide what words mean to us. Maybe strong didn't mean you were hard-working and you kept going no matter what, maybe it could also mean my ambition, my love, or even my mind. There is no point limiting myself to a certain kind of Black woman because Black women are not a monolith. There is no rule that states I must adhere to a stereotype. My mother isn't a stereotype either. By limiting myself, I also limited my mother. My mother is not some longheld stereotype and I doubt she was hoping to raise me as one. I needed to realize that for my mindset to change as well. I've watched my mom enjoy shows and have interests I never expected of her. I have seen her be soft and gentle. I must acknowledge those moments to understand her and myself better. For that, it has made me love her more for the person that she truly is: a wonderful, funny, and lovely black woman. I'm not the only one that has had misguided thoughts about the Black woman and who she is. Each day through the internet, black and non-black people, and the media, I see Black women confined in a box, ignored, ridiculed, and even worse, go missing or die. We sit at the lowest rung of the invisible cast system. I don't see enough Black men fighting for us, I barely see anyone fighting for us. Black women must fight for themselves. We support our fellow Black women, we empower our fellow Black women and we show love to our fellow Black women. I believe that Black women are the future and strength lies in every one of us in many different ways.

With each Public Health course I take, I feel as if I'm looking in a mirror. We discuss topics regarding all sorts of issues and programs then we discuss our parts in what can be done to improve these things. Without knowing it, my peers are talking about me. They are talking about my experiences and the experiences of people I know. These are the topics I've dealt with, the issues that affect me daily. It feels like I am on display and everyone is asking "How do we fix this?". It's the same question I ask myself when it comes to these things. I want to progress past these questions, ask a different question, to find out what we weren't asking before. I view my education as a soon-to-be Public Health Major and a future dentist as a way to help and support underprivileged communities. Since I was young, I have wanted to help others and work with teeth. Your mouth can show you the underlying problems that are happening to your body current, for example how cigarettes affect the teeth. Some are living without access to care or choose to ignore those underlying problems due to their social determinants of health. As the ODPHP defines it, "Social determinants of health are the conditions in the environments where people are born, live, learn, work, play, worship, and age that affect a wide range of health, functioning, and quality-of-life outcomes and risks." The social determinants of health these communities have are the majority drawbacks to their health. The number one determinant I want to tackle is access to care and by working in disadvantaged communities, I'd be giving them that. I hope that my location could also be in an optimal spot so that transportation would not be another issue. Most importantly, the cost of dental work can be so overbearing. The cost alone may make a person question if they really need the appointment. Especially with health care and dental care typically being separate, some may feel that dental care is useless to them. I hope that by providing a sliding fee to my patients, they feel more secure in making the appointment. We don't consider compassion enough either. The ability to share basic information with clients is a form of compassion. Every professional doesn't always take the time to explain or ask the questions that need to be asked. In reality, not everyone knows how to make an appointment. how much the appointment overall will cost, how they're going to pay for it, and how to continue to take care of themselves afterward. By sharing more information, I could be saving someone's life. It may surprise others but teeth can be that serious. Understanding the language around healthcare can be difficult for people that haven't previously been provided care or educated on how care works. I feel a strong pull to disadvantaged communities because they are my communities and they deserve better, every single one of them. Whether it is me working in them or advocating for them, I want to do my best to help and support these communities for them to progress in the future. I care about the health of others. I share their experiences and they share mine. I may not fully understand their choices and actions every time but I will do my best regardless. It is my chance to give back, to change the talking points. I hope for a future where the people within these communities live to be strong and healthy.

For a very long time, I believed I was putting myself first, that I was the one at the top of my own list. Truly at the top of that list was a small fine print reading "Mom". Many of the things that would allow me to progress in society as I thought one should progress in society was merely based on my mother's ideas and understandings, not my own. It wasn't until college that I felt this weight lift off my chest and I thought to myself, "Now become who you are". I felt so happy when I began selling old clothes and donating items because I disliked many of the items I owned. The money I made was saved or used to buy items I liked. I slept when I wanted which is so strange until you finally have a nap and you don't feel bad about it. Most of all, I had begun to really find what made me feel beautiful. Despite my mother wanting feminity out of me, I would always opt for more masculine clothing and looks and very rarely wore anything different. In all honesty, the way I wanted to express my femininity was not something that my mother would approve of or like. Except here I was, looking and acting the way I wanted and felt comfortable doing so. I didn't realize that even while I thought I was being myself when I was at home, I was actually walking through a complicated maze every time I decided to do things. I felt as though I had to solve a quick puzzle and at times wouldn't even attempt to be myself because I was afraid of the response. When I think long and hard about it, I never really care what people say about me but her voice always was louder than others. The bond we shared as mother and daughter made it so her voice was far more powerful and had a hold on me I just couldn't understand. Even though I am home again due to COVID-19, I feel completely different than how I did before leaving for college. I feel like a person, a real human being. It feels so weird to say that but it's true. I experience a feeling of emptiness frequently and I find that it stems from not being myself. I feel so whole and empowered. I take time to myself and enjoy that time any possible way I would like. I no longer speak to my mother as though I am only a child. Loving and accepting myself for who I am has taught me one very important thing: If I forget that person, I won't feel like a person.

I am one of those people that really will listen to and possibly enjoy any genre of music. Now that doesn't mean I seek out those songs, just that I am willing to listen to quite possibly anything. I love making playlists of different types of songs and emotions I may have. Most songs don't even make it to my playlists unless I know them well. I have a habit of not enjoying songs to their fullest unless I can sing the words as though I wrote them. There is one song that seems to love making it to every playlist and mood I may have. Whether I'm feeling sad, soft, sweet, strong, seductive, shattered, or solemn, I'm probably in a mood to play this song. "Do I Wanna Know?" by the Arctic Monkeys is quite possibly my favorite song of all time. I already loved the band but I hadn't listened to all their stuff yet. It wasn't until a friend of mine sent me the song telling me it reminded them of me that I fell in love with the band. After hearing it, I listened to their song at least once a day. Of course, I don't listen to it every day now but when I first hear it, I couldn't stop listening to it for months. Something about this song made me feel like my heart was crying out and for the first time, I could hear it. Sometimes, I would sit and listen to it and I couldn't tell if I felt like I was the speaker or if these words were being spoken to me. The lyrics were so beautifully written and often, I feel overwhelmed and begin to cry when listening to it. I supposed the only way I don't feel when listening to this song is sunny. This song makes me feel human more than anything and sadly, I don't always feel that way. I feel like humanity to me is about emotions and movement and I find myself feeling detached and lost frequently. Somehow, this song makes me feel grounded in both myself and my emotions. This song is a question, a statement, and a lament all in one. It's a phrase that has stuck with me and I think long and hard about it often: "Do I wanna know?"